It’s situations like this that make me glad I work full-time. My kid got all the babies he wanted at daycare and I didn’t have to deal with their crazy-ass mothers!
OK, at first I thought that this was just a snide attack on someone’s valiant attempt to get adult conversation and stop mind melding with Teletubbies.
Then I read a bit further to the bit about the other groups you have been rejected from or banned or whatever.
This is one psycho mom’s group.
OP-you know what this would be, don’t you? If you submitted an application and were accepted, you would now enter the world of Who is Teething First and Fastest, as well as Who Is Pulling Up and Who is saying Mama etc.
That is one skeery place, lemme tell you. I once had a mom that I didn’t even know (we had babies around the same time–about a week apart-and we were both friends of this bride) come up to me at a wedding and open my daughter’s mouth because she didn’t believe that my daughter could have two teeth “already”. These people need drugs, used liberally. They never get them.
Hang out in the park. Try the library. You’ll meet someone. And in pre-school, you will meet the cool people. I did and they saved my sanity (still friends and those kids are in HS now).
good luck.
I can’t comment on the '80’s thang–it’s just too weird. Do you like big belts, flat shoes, shoulder pads and masses of curly hair, Heather?
Add me to the chorus of voices singing, “Relax*.” They want to know about your drinking so that they don’t plan a “Mom’s Night Out” that includes barber chair shots* if they have a recovering alcoholic in the group. Same deal with smoking. They ened to know if they can expect you to want to go somewhere you can smoke, since the days when you could smoke in a hospital room* are long gone. And as far as "Are you available for… you seem to be saying you’re not. So it’s a good thing they asked, right? That way they won’t plan on having you for those types of events.
*These gratuitous 80s references were included at no charge.
Wow, that app seems really, really weird to me, too. I honestly can’t see the point of about 3/4 of the questions on there. And the ones you’d think they would ask are missing, especially questions about what you like to do with your kids.
I agree with suggestions to go to the library, the playground, places you’d take your kids anyway if you’re a halfway sane mom, and strike up conversations with the other moms there. I’d avoid that mom’s group like the plague, too!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN OUR GROUP.
NAME n/a
AGE 38
ADDRESS n/a
PHONE NUMBER n/a
CHILDREN’S NAMES AND AGES Kate, 7 months
ARE YOU MARRIED? IF SO HOW LONG? About 8 inches.
HUSBAND’S NAME Pooterhead
DO YOU DRINK ALCOHOL? I’m not so drink as you thunk I am.
DO YOU SMOKE? You bring the ganja, I’ll bring the papers.
PLEASE LIST YOUR FAVORITE 80’S BANDS The 80s? Fuck that. I’m a Zep head.
WILL YOU BE ABLE TO ATTEND AT LEAST ONE DAYTIME EVENT EACH WEEK? I suppose I could fit it in between my orgies and Satanic child-murdering rituals. Say, is little Kayleigh available on Wednesday?
IS THERE ANY REASON WHY YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND A MOM’S NIGHT OUT ONCE A MONTH? When are you planning this for? Will your husband be home alone? Is he hot?
IS THERE ANY REASON WHY YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND A MOM’S WEEKEND AWAY? Oh, and where do you keep the silverware and jewelry?
DO YOU IMMUNIZE YOUR CHILDREN? I try to keep her sequestered from morons, if that’s what you mean.
ARE YOU ABLE TO WALK THE MALL AT A FAST PACE? I tend to stop at adult book stores, liquor stores, and head shops. But I’m able to run from mall security pretty fast. Is that OK?
WILL YOU POST DAILY ON THE GROUP WEB PAGE? Does it have a BBQ Pit?
PLEASE LIST ANY HOBBIES YOU HAVE: I probably shouldn’t list them, due to the Patriot Act.
DO YOU SELL ANY PRODUCTS (IE MARY KAY, PAMPERED CHEF, ETC.) Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
DO YOU BELONG TO ANY OTHER MOM’S GROUP? Not sure what you mean. Does the motorcycle club count?
WILL YOU LEAVE THE OTHER GROUP(S) IF APPROVED FOR THIS GROUP? Yeah. Count on it. Putz.
WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ANOTHER GROUP TO JOIN? Fresh meat.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BANNED FROM A GROUP? IF SO WHICH ONE AND WHY? See attached police record.
By that, I meant for the Satanic child-murdering rituals, not the orgies. I’m not a sicko, after all.
Have you tried clicking the “Meet Single Moms” ad at the bottom of the page? Maybe they’re looking to form some sort of group.
Bravo! tdn
The strangest question is the mall one. I realize that moms are older now and all, but seriously, walking the mall around here is a senior citizen activity–so as to not muss their blue hair/helmets with wind or eek! rain.
How old are these women?
and no really important questions were asked, like which method of assasination is preferred by the prospective candidate? How many men have you had in one weekend?–that sort of thing.
I don’t find the questionare to be a good survey tool.
tdn, you seriously rock. I’d let you into any group you wanted to be in!
I think it’s kind of them to admit to their craziness upfront so you don’t have to find out later.
Seriously, though, storytime. Pick a storytime at the library and go every week. You can meet people there.
Thank you, thank you.
I’m available for weddings and bar mitzvahs.
The application is fucked up. There’s no way on earth you should have to fill out an application for a moms’ group. It’s like having to fill out an application to visit Wal-Mart. Do as some people above have suggested and make your own group. Put up a sign at the library and collect half a dozen people. That’s all you really need.
I belonged to two different Mom’s groups when my kids were younger. One was at my church, and we’d get together two mornings a month, eat pastries, drink coffee and chat. It was a way to get out of the house, and they had a babysitter. You were supposed to pitch in a couple of bucks for the sitter if you plunked your kid with her, and we took turns bringing in donuts and pastry. It slowly turned into a 'bring your sewing/craft/quilting/scrapbooking" kind of thing, and I went back to work part-time so I quit going.
The other wasn’t really a ‘group’ but was just a group of friends - we’d get together once a month without the kids and husbands and go out to eat (and drink) and chat and look at cute guys. Other stuff has changed (jobs, husbands, more kids, etc.) and we only get together two or three times a year now. Life happens, you know?
Obviously, one group was a bit rowdier than the other.
They might just reject you at this point, and never get to the good stuff.
This isn’t a get to know you questionaire, its an application. “Are you willing to leave other groups IF YOU GET ACCEPTED to this group?” They don’t want to know if you drink because they want to make sure girls night doesn’t include alcohol if you are in recovery, they want to know if you drink because they are going to make some judgement about it (either, you drink, can’t have you because you are immoral or you don’t drink, you won’t be any fun). I’m suprised they don’t ask you what your household income is and if you are willing to tithe to the group.
Especially since he seems to be in a menage a troi with tdn.
Ah, brings back memories of filling out the 1990 “Census Long Form”…
Evidently Auntbeast’s fingers got tired before she transcribed those questions:
ARE YOU THE TYPE TO PUNCH OTHER MOTHERS OUT?
DID YOU EVER GET DRUNK AND THROW UP IN THE PUNCH BOWL?
Not so! Not so! Not so!
Besides, it’s fun.
Is this some holodeck fantasy of yours?