I always thought those scrapbookers had an untamed look about them. They do it with rubber stamps, don’t they?
The “Ooooh, crafty!” shit was one of the reasons why I stopped going to that one, actually. It was better when we just sat around and had donuts and coffee and bullshitted. When the scrapbookers invaded, it got dull.
I’m guessing a self-colonoscopy would do the trick.
I’d just send the application back, blank, with that note attached. More fun.
Egads, while some of those questions seem reasonable enough (immunizations, smoking, drinking, and such) most are pretty effing nuts.
Ok, got an update today.
Evidently, they “get” the crazy. She apologized if it freaked me out (I worked a double today and had not yet responded) and explained some of the stuff. She said they just broke off when another mom’s group because they were older and had different issues. She sounded a lot saner.
I promised her it did freak me out and if her sense of humor is as good as she says it is, I’ll let her see my snarky response. She did offer to send me pictures of them first, if I was still interested.
DAMMIT! She has a daugher born the same day mine was born! That is playing dirty! Because she took the time to admit that “a lot of that application was for our entertainment.” and that the alcohol question was because the older women were the only ones that ordered drinks, and the other folks all gave them stink eyes for it.
BTW, a Mom’s group is for parents of kids around the same age to be able to get the kids together to play and the moms to get together and hang out. Being a mom of a baby can be pretty isolating. I have alot of girlfriends that have kids, but none of them are small enough to play with mine. I do go to the weekly library story time, they teach sign language too, and Kate loves it, but it doesn’t allow for much interaction of the kids, most of the moms run in and run out. There is also alot of turnover there.
My brother home schools his kids and they are so isolated, they rarely get to play with kids their age, or even other kids. My nephew freaked out when a friend and I came by with her kids and she had a kid his age. He damn near pulled every toy he had out he was so excited to “see someone his size” He’s five. I don’t want Kate to be in school before she knows other kids.
I am a first time mom. She was a preemie and I’m doing the best I can for her. She has been just an awesome baby. Happy, good natured, even tempered, easy going. Truly a joy. Heck, she only cries when the bottle isn’t in her mouth 3 seconds after she realizes she’s hungry. To say I am nervous is an understatement. I waited a long time for her. The thought that I would be unable to have children had been rolling around for a long while.
I’d like to thank all you that responded. I think the kind of responses so far are precisely why I am a happily paid member to the dope.
I did originally think about putting this thread in the pit, but I really didn’t want to just rant, I wanted to know if I was alone in my experience trying to find a Mom’s group. It has been a pretty surreal search for me and I honestly didn’t know if it was just me. I’m glad you folks found my post here in the pit and told me your experiences.
Frankly, I’d do laps around the mall all day long if it meant I didn’t have to get within 5 miles of a “scrapbooker.” shudder I’m really not the scrapbookie, crafty, pampered cheffy, mally kind of mom. Although if someone convinced me it would be best for my child, I’d be crafting my eyeballs out.
That meet single mom’s ad I want a mom’s club, not a girlfriend. although my husband might encourage that kind of thing. 
I don’t think I’m the intended demographic.
Auntbeast,
While YOU do need adult interaction, your daughter doesn’t need playmates for another year - maybe two. Until that point interaction is staring at each other and non-sequiter giggles, advanced interaction is stealing toys and biting. Playdates were very unproductive for my kids until they were three or so - and mine were daycare kids surrounded by interaction, so they “should have” known how to play together. Little kids just don’t.
Sometime around two, the whole “hey, other kids that I can play with” (instead of what I think is called parrallel play - playing next to each other), kicks in. However, they are also spectacularly unpicky about their playmates at that age. Any thing or any one will pretty much do (as long as they aren’t scary) - dogs, older kids, babies, boys, girls. This is a great age for taking kids to the playground where they meet their “new best friend Micah” on Tuesday and never see him again and never remember that they spent four hours playing with this kid.
About three or four, you enroll them in pre-school if you can swing it. Maybe just two hours a day twice a week, but its two hours you have to grocery shop without them, while they start moving to advanced socialization skills (around four “only girls who wear pink are my friends” and other kids teaching them all the playground jingles and perhaps a few words you’ve kept out of earshot).
Then its on to kindergarten. Even kids who have been attached to Mama get a chance to develop socialization skills. My first graders best friend is four years younger than his sister, lives in a neighborhood with no near neighbors his age, stayed home with mom, didn’t go to preschool, and is a social champ.
In other words, kids adapt. Don’t get too caught up in needing to make sure your seven month old is “properly socialized.” If you talk to her and play with her, she will be - even if she doesn’t see other seven month olds.
Oh, more advice. I have a group of great girlfriends and several of us have kids around the same age. They play great together, but already at six and seven, my kids know the difference between friends they have chosen and friends that are their friends because their Moms and Dads are friends of Mom and Dad. In other words, the time comes quickly where your kids will pick their own friends (may they be the kid you say “Thank God” and not the five year old you look at and say “pregnant and drinking heavily at sixteen” - its amazing what you can read into a kindergarten class picture).
Now, as for me, these are women that in some cases I’ve known twenty five years (and almost all of them longer than ten years). These are my best friends in the whole world, and if I get together with one or more of them twice a month, its a great month for seeing my friends. Life is busy when you are the older mom of kids (its probably busy when you are the younger mom of kids, too), and friends are the ones that don’t mind if you drop out of their lives for three months while you run your kid to soccer on Tuesday nights instead of enjoying girls night out.
Dangerosa, thank you for the time line and the encouraging words. Right now, Kate’s best friend is the cat, except the cat doesn’t think so.
I HAVE BEEN DENIED MEMBERSHIP! I didn’t even send in my smartass response. I responded to a personal email and admitted that the application freaked me out. I’ll let my response to that fester for a bit, then maybe I’ll send my OP.
The hilarious thing is. I am one of the most tolerant people you will meet. I am laid back, easy going, a generally happy and enthusiastic person. I am educated, I am a conscientious however nervous, first time Mom. I am off 4 days a week, I have a wide variety of interests. I have a joyfully happy, easy going baby that is curious and adventurous, who fears nothing, loves everything (even green beans) and is just far enough below the curve to make other Mom’s feel superior. I readily admit that I am a rookie at best and make mistakes. I don’t drink, because I don’t like the taste, but am a fantastic designated driver. I’m a poker dealer, but hate playing poker, so you always would have some happy to deal. I like animals. Even snakes. I am tolerant of peoples religious beliefs, even if I don’t have any. I enjoy meeting people that are different from me. I love books, board games, movies, I’m an excellent spades partner. I will lose every time at Monopoly, but will kick your butt at Trivial Persuit. I enjoy all types of food, except for eggplant, but only because it makes me vomit, not because I hold any type of prejudice against it as a vegetable. I’m a lousy cook but enthusiastic eater. I like doing things without my husband, but love doing things with him. I am a fiercely loyal friend. I’m financially, mentally and emotionally stable. I can find the humor in just about everything, except meanness. I despise liars and cheats. I like jury duty. I vote. I’m bad about returning library books, but pay my fines with glee. My auto tag and insurance are current.
Who in their right mind would like that kind of person in their Mom’s group? You guessed it, no one.
Curses to you Dangerosa – you got me to re-up!
Auntbeast, I have felt EXACTLY the same way, and everything that Dangerosa says is absolutely true. That first year is so lonely.
I did eventually find a group of local mommies that I adore, despite their scrapbooking ways (we all have to compromise). They’re not in Florida, though. And I had to go through a couple of other groups first to find them.
I do know of an unusual online group that I’ll bet you’d love - http://mama-drama.net/forums/. Smart women. They’re from all over the country.
Stay away from mothering.com, they’re nuts (although they have some excellent advice on bfeeding and “gentle discipline” - i.e., how not to wring your toddler’s neck). Same w/babycenter.com – some good advice mixed with lots of craziness.
That “rejection” (LOVED your OP, BTW) is the best thing that could happen to you.
Kids found the paint, gotta run - dd is demanding “more llello” to go with the “orangey” she’s already smeared on her shirt.
Well, apparently, I’ll have accomplished one thing today, getting fessie to re-up.
It is loney and hard to be a first time mom, and nerve wracking. No matter how many times you tell yourself that just because your seven month hasn’t cut teeth doesn’t mean anything about his chances for Harvard, you never really believe it. Until you reach the end of the rope (which sometimes doesn’t happen unless you have several kids) and realize that kids from the ghetto get to Harvard on occation, and your refusal to let your little Jackson Pollack fingerpaint on the walls is not the single thing that will keep him or her back.
If you were in Minnesota, I’d share my girlfriends. None of us have babies anymore (the youngest is two), but we are all relatively sensible.
Oh, and my son at five, who was in daycare every day, got excited when someone would drop by with kids his age and pull out every toy. It isn’t a sign of poor socialization, its a sign of being five and knowing that no one appreciates your stuff like another five year old. My husband STILL does it, but with video games.
AuntBeast, I think the summer will be much better for you. Winter with an itty bitty kid is pretty sucky. But I went to the pool with Kid Kalhoun when he was about 1 1/2 and I met a great friend there. We’d spend lots of time talking while while the kids played; both at the pool and at each other’s homes.
I don’t understand this Mom Group thing. It just seems so forced. You’ll naturally gravitate toward women you like when you and little Kate start doing the things you naturally do…library, pool, whatever. It really is hard when they’re so little. But I guarantee this summer will be better. Good luck!
Auntbeast --you were REJECTED?!?
I thought that woman sounded cool when she talked to you etc?
WTH?
Ok, so now you go from missing adult conversation to the low self esteem of middle school. Curses on them for rejecting you–how nasty is that? Why would you accept apps for anyone you hadn’t already mentally said yes to? (or are these women complete strangers, which makes the email even odder).
Is there a park nearby? Go there and scope out women (that sounds stalker-ish). That’s how I met a woman who lived one street away. She has moved away, but she was a friendly voice on the phone for my daughter’s first year.
Keep yourself open to meeting folks (and a baby is a natural ice breaker) and you’ll meet some nice people who don’t care what your taste in '80’s music is!
I’d hang with you, but my babies are almost 8, 14 and 16!
And don’t forget, you always have the Dope.
They don’t drink? Don’t smoke? What do they do?*
::snort::
Well, after my rejection. I loaded my little bundle of poo and went to the zoo. She loved it. We spent about 30 min watching all the kids play in the water, she splashed around with the rays and touched a few, all her splashing caused them to come over to her. She played with the goats, rode the gorilla on the carousel and tried to catch fish in the manatee exhibit (the glass wall stumped her). I talked with a nice lady who was there with her 3 year old grandson. He loved the water, and she loved the naps he took after he played in them. Unfortunately, the monkeys weren’t very active, I think she would have liked them if they were more than big piles of scratching lumps.
I think the most valuable lesson I learned from all of this, is that I have a great group of friends who pretty much all think this Mom’s group thing is nuts. I have a fantastic board that I adore paying for that is filled with like minded people in lots of areas of my brain. And I can’t think of anyone I would have rather gone to the zoo with than my lovely daughter. We had a blast. It is still so exciting to me to see her experiencing new things and to see her completely unafraid of the world around her.
If I can do two things for her, I will consider myself a success. I hope every day of her life she knows that she is loved. I hope that the curiosity and acceptance about the world continues every day. May she always be amazed of the wonder that is this world and the people in it.
I’m just curious.
Just how crazy are shit house rats?
I was wondering the same thing.
Just to prove that the Dope covers everything:
I tried a number of combos in the search string and finally found it on “cunning shithouse”. So I guess that’s my band name.
Had you not said the group was expressly for mothers aged 35+, I would have guessed the average age to be perhaps 15.
I’m guessing the reason for the family photo is/was so they could judge you in some fashion. Creepy.
And consumer electronics.
Auntbeast, congrats on your happy zoo day!
That’s the big secret – kids are FUN! As much of a PITA as this whole job is (and it IS a giant PITA), the little buggers can be a total blast to hang out with! Even my 2-yr-olds, a notably difficult age, are great company more often than not - I just plain enjoy them!