People are judgmental assholes, that’s why. And some can’t accept any reason for not breastfeeding, even though it is entirely your business and you can base your decision on anything you want. Some people just don’t want to do it, and others can’t understand that and criticize.
I’d tell them it’s none of their damn business and make up my own mind about it. And I’m really glad there were no messageboards back when I was pregnant. That could drive a person crazy.
Why would you be disappointed if some woman you don’t even know doesn’t breast feed? How can that possibly concern you at all?
Parenting boards can really be horrible–everyone is so convinced they know everything and that it is their calling to preach about it.
I breastfed by older one for almost 2 years, the younger until he was about 18 months old. I had the number of a lactation consultant at my hospital (they called it the Breastfeeding Warm Line) who would listen to my whine and give suggestions for free. I loved those people. They were extrememly helpful.
Breastfeeding isn’t easy, and it is usually wonderful after about the third month when you get used to the baby and the process. I wish everyone would at least give it a try, but I understand that some people can’t and it can be very frustrating, even when you’re physically able. I don’t get the people who won’t try because they think it’s “icky” or that “only animals do that” (and I’ve seen many of those on parenting boards). I found it so much more convenient than bottles.
As for the pumping issue, I cannot stress enough that some people cannot pump enough for their babies, even with great pumps like Medela. I had a terrible time pumping. The LCs at the hospital we really great in trying to keep me from feeling guilty about using formula to supplement pumped milk while the kids were at daycare. I pumped as much as I could, and they didn’t mind the bottle or two of formula they had to drink. After the first year, they drank cow’s milk at daycare, and the pump was retired.
I really loved breastfeeding and I’m glad I was able to do it. I don’t fault anyone else for not doing it, and certainly don’t expect them to feel guilty about it.
I didn’t enjoy pumping too much, but there are 2 good reasons to do it. One is the point you make, Gigi, that it becomes very uncomfortable and even painful if you get engorged. In fact, it gets to the point where the baby can’t latch on anymore, and you have to pump to get the milk out (this happened to me because it took my baby a long time to figure out how to do it). The other reason is because milk production is stimulated when the breast is emptied out, so if you don’t feed the baby and/or pump every couple of hours, your milk production will decrease. Since with nursing you can’t tell how much the baby is getting, it’s good to keep your output up as high as you can.
Anyway, more on topic…I do not understand why people get so red-hot on this subject. It is a great thing to breastfeed, but it is a greater thing to not make yourself crazy over it. It’s worth making a strong effort…as I said, I had to bottle feed my baby for a few days before she got the hang of it, but I kept trying, and it ended up working out great. On the other hand, I was fed formula because I am adopted. My sister, who is not adopted, was breastfed. I am never sick and have no allergies. She, on the other hand, gets bronchitis every winter. So, breastfeeding is not the answer to everything! 
The babies dying from lack of breastmilk are not in Seattle. (With the possible exception of some SIDS victims.) The majority are in Africa, Asia, South America and the middle east. They are in places with bad drinking water which is used to reconstitute powdered formula, or where mothers are watering down the formula to make it last longer. UNICEF says: “If every baby were exclusively breastfed from birth for 6 months, an estimated 1.5 million lives would be saved each year.”
The World Health Organization “now recommends exclusive breastfeeding for six months.”
The American Academy of Pediatrics position is that “Exclusive breastfeeding is ideal nutrition and sufficient to support optimal growth and development for approximately the first 6 months after birth.”
It’s undeniable that breastfeeding is best for baby, mom, dad, society, and the environment even well beyond infancy
The question is not whether or not breastmilk is best or if babies do better on breastmilk. It’s how poor a second place formula is. New studies are coming in practically every day finding some new benefit to breast milk.
I’ve used formula with both my children. I’m the last person to equate it with rat poison. But I do wonder if my son would have had the troubles he’s had in school had I known pumping milk was an option back then. Babies may not be dying from formula in Seattle, but they are less intelligent, suffering from more allergies and asthma, more obese and run more ear infections than their breast fed neighbors. We can find anecdotal anomolies all over the place, but the studies are clear and consistent with the evidence.
I’m disappointed that there are bad tomatoes in the supermarket, even though I grow my own. I’m not about to start a jihad about it, but yes, I wish more women would breastfeed. I wish I wasn’t paying high health insurance premiums to cover some formula fed kid’s ear infections. I wish my kid didn’t have to watch his classmates suffer asthma attacks on the schoolyard. (And, of course, I wish those kids didn’t have to suffer. I don’t need to know someone to have empathy for them.)
The information is all around. I’m not saying no one should ever make the choice to use formula, as I myself use it. I’m saying people should make an informed choice (like I have) and be willing to accept the consequences of their choice (like I have). Formula is still not equal to breastmilk, period. I still talk to a lot of women who don’t understand that or deny it.
I would like to respectfully suggest that you will change your mind. There are HUGE benefits to pumping - it can be used to increase your milk supply if desired, it gives you stored milk so others can take care of your baby, and it can relieve the pressure of breasts that are too full.
Why would you make such a harsh statement about something you haven’t experienced yet? I pump, am I a dairy cow?!?!
My daughter was unexpectedly born 5 weeks early - she was in the hospital for 2.5 weeks - she was too tiny to nurse - so I had to pump every 3-4 hours to (a) keep my milk supply, and (b) provide her with my milk instead of hospital formula.
I struggled to provide the best for my baby - it would have been SO easy to give up and give her formula instead - but honestly, it didn’t occur to me that I was somehow losing my dignity by pumping - it was what I HAD to do.
Maybe once you are a mother you will change your mind. Also, maybe you will think twice before you say something so insulting.
Can I just chime in one more thing?
Breastfeeding hurt, more than I thought - for the first six weeks. My latch was fine everything was fine it just took a while to get used to it.
I am now thankful for every second I spent nursing my baby. They are precious moments, cuddling and feeding, but I wouldn’t think any less of a mom that had to try the same with a bottle…
I think it hits so many nerves because for so long there were (and still are in many developing countries) greed-driven campaigns against it, which resulted in incalcuable harm. Simple backlash.
My parent’s first child died due to lack of breastmilk and from formula feeding.
Disclaimer: 30 year old story, third world environs
Both my sisters and I were tiny babies (for full-termers)- all of us right under 6 lbs. We were all too weak to latch on and suckle, apparently. My parent’s first kid, well they were new parents, didn’t know what they were doing. They let the nurses take the baby away from my mom and formula feed her. My parents think the formula was prepared unhygenically and the baby was tiny and weak and in need of colostrum, anyway. She caught an infection and never recovered. She died very slowly over a period of a year and a half, finally dying of dehydration from diarrhea. My parents went through years of infertility thereafter, but when they finally got preggers with me, they went through heaven and hell to get me to breastfeed. Same deal, I wouldn’t latch on. Somehow, someway, I latched on after suckling water off of their fingers or something (my parents said starving me was totally painful but they refused to have another kid die on them).
So yeah, babies do die. Of course, this was 30 years ago, in a third world country. By the time I was born my parents insisted that I be born at the hospital on the other side of town, run by doctors who had completed their education in England and the most famous medical school in Bombay. They were a total granola crunchfest and totally supported my parents, though. Not like the first hospital.
Moms who’ve breastfed, does it feel anything like when someone, umm, plays with your breasts during sex? :o If it did, that would really, really, really squick me out. Does pumping feel anything like that? :o :o
Breastfeeding doesn’t feel like that - it’s a really tight tugging sensation. The baby’s tongue isn’t licking at you or anything.
Pumping doesn’t feel like anything fun - but it’s not unpleasant either - well, just for the first minute or two - especially if the room is cold - yikes!
As for breastfeeding hurting - well, it never has really hurt me - there have been a few “OW!” moments but nothing excruciating. I have two types of nipple cream - used one the first few days but then forgot it in my hospital room and didn’t miss it. The other one I bought on a friend’s recommendation and never opened it. I know many moms have troubles, that are often brought on by a bad latch. I was “lucky” in a way, my baby was so tiny that even though her latch was quite strong considering how small she was, it wasn’t SUPER strong, if that makes any sense at all.
I apparently have “perfect” nipples for breastfeeding - who knew? They used to be so damn sensitive that I was really apprehensive about nursing but either they have gotten tougher, or they are just as sensitive but my pain threshold after giving birth is way higher. Or maybe a combination.
While I (as an unmarried, childless guy) have not had reason to educate myself on the merits of breastfeeding I can’t help but wonder at the repeated claims of breast feeding being so much better. I can accept that is is “better” for a variety of reasons but it seems to me the world has millions of non-breast fed people in it doing just fine. Ok…I do not have a cite for “millions” but it seems a safe bet.
Myself and my two siblings were adopted and brought up exclusively on formula (and this was 40 years ago give or take so not modern formula). The three of us are all healthy, normal, well adjusted people with few overt allergies (brother is allergic to bee stings) and none of us are obese and are in rather good shape. I know that is only a sample of three and anecdotal but still, reading this thread it sounds like you are jeopardizing your kid’s future if you do not breast feed and I am not sure that is truly the case these days. That said this being the SDMB I am willing to be enlightened.
Frankly, I’m also inclined to think that’s a bit of hyperbole. Lots of children are bottle-fed, and the overwhemling majority of them don’t suffer any ill effects from it.
Some people can’t nurse, and some simply don’t want to. I refuse to make moral judgements about it. Sure, nursing is ideal. But most children survive plenty of less than ideal situations. Would I call someone a bad mother for making her kids share a room? Or for sending them to the second-best nursery school? Of course not.
Yep, for more anecdotes I was breastfed for several months and am allergic to a long list of things. My thirteen year old formula fed (adopted) sister has lots of allergies too, but she almost never catches any of the bugs going around her school. Those IgA antibodies are pretty wonderful, but I wonder how much the average First World child stands to lose if they eat formula.
Then I encourage you to read the 16 cites I’ve provided in this thread to educate yourself. Most of them have links to studies and further reading, if you’re so inclined.
Yes, but the plural of anecdote is not scientific data. Actual real scientific studies have shown the benefit of breastfeeding. The benefits in the developed world are not earth shattering, they are incremental. How would an individual notice that their breastfed child has 5% fewer colds (all statistics here are pulled completely from air for example purposes only) than their non-breastfed child? If breastfed babies average 5 point of IQ higher, there are still going to be really smart formula babies and really dumb breastfed babies. But on the average, breastfeeding showed benefits.
To me, the conscious decision ahead of time not to breastfeed is similar to the conscious decision to use corporal punishment. Both are common parental choices in todays society, both have known incremental detrimental affects on kids, both were frequently experienced by a wide range of people when they were younger, and vast majority of people who experienced them turned out just fine with no observable problems.
It is very rare (at least as far as my personal experience goes) for people to proudly say “I’m gonna beat my kid when he does wrong!” But despite the deluge of information the OP says she’s receiving, there are still people who proudly say “No way am I breastfeeding!”
As to why the visceral reaction of breastfeeding proponents, I have a thought. The breastfeeding mom is either staying home with the child, or working and pumping. Mothers who stay home with their children in todays society are more and more the exception. They make very real sacrifices in creature comforts to stay at home with their children. Mothers who work and pump endure long boring sessions with the pump, hassles with getting milk frozen, delivered to day care, etc.
Both of these types of mothers have made real sacrifices to do what they see is best for their children. And then someone comes along and cavalierly says “Breatfeeding is icky. I could never do that, and it’s not really important anyway.” “What?”, says the breastfeeding/pumping mother, “You think that you are going to waltz in here and tell me that all my effort has been pointless? Prepare for a beatdown!” Bottle feeding in most places is still very much seen as the default option and breastfeeding proponents (all volunteers) have to fight insidious propaganda from formula companies who have millions riding on their ads while breastfeeding moms have to fight grandmas who are constantly trying to get the baby to take a bottle.
I don’t exactly want to argue on the “not breastfeeding is fine” side of the debate, since I never considered not doing it myself. However, I want to jump in again to say that there are many, many lifestyle choices that will cause similar incremental differences in a child’s health and/or welfare. For instance, we live in the city. I’m sure that in many ways this is not as healthful for my child as living in the country would be. More city children have asthma, for instance. So is my decision to raise a child in the city as “wrong” a decision as not breastfeeding would be?
These adoption cases may be anecdotal, but I think they are good examples of where some of the incremental differences can go in the other direction. It’s quite possible that although my mother couldn’t breastfeed me, any detriment to my future health & intelligence was compensated for by good parenting, which included excellent nutrition and providing me with a great education.
Well said!
Sarahfeena - to answer some of your post - I see breastfeeding as a benefit to my child. No, I cannot completely control her environment BUT I can control what goes into her tummy. That makes me feel good as a parent.
As for the allergies debate - breastfeeding is beneficial to the immune system as a whole. Is it a guarantee? No of course not, but overall it is more beneficial than formula.
Allergies are thought to be caused, at least in part, by the premature introduction of allergenic foods such as milk, egg whites, shellfish, nuts, peanuts, chocolate. Regardless if a baby is breastfed or not, part of being a responsible parent is learning when to introduce these foods to your baby, and how.
Well, sure, me too…that’s why I did it. All I’m saying is that I’m sure not all the decisions I make in bringing the kid up will be equally good ones, and some will have incremental benefits and some will cause some incremental harm. Of all the bad decisions you can make in raising a child, I’m not sure feeding them formula is on the top of the list, that’s all.
Well, no, has anyone actually ever implied that formula feeding = child abuse? I doubt it, even the La Leche Ladies wouldn’t go that far, I would hope!
I think mothers choosing to formula feed, when it is an actual CHOICE and not a necessity, is a tough one for many to understand, because it seems like choosing to give something that is not the “best”.
It is something that is seen as convenient, easy, “advanced”, etc. And choosing something that is convenient for a mother, to the possible detriment of her child, is hard for many to comprehend, especially those who have made a lot of sacrifices to make breastfeeding work.