Perhaps it was inevitable - in this thread on parenting advice, the topic of breastfeeding came up. And with it the topics of evil La Leche League bitches, intolerant breastfeeding advocates accosting mothers in public, guilt, lack of cultural support, medical problems, the value of formula, and a boatload of related issues. I didn’t want to derail that thread, but it brought up some things I’d like to have a rational discussion about.
First, mentions of breastfeeding “nazis” always upset me. One person in that thread mentioned going to a LLL meeting and being told she shouldn’t adopt a baby because without breast milk it would be sick and have learning disabilities. Several people said lactivists told them they just weren’t trying hard enough (even in a case when physical abnormalities prevented sufficient supply).
Without a doubt, anyone who accosts a woman to critique her feeding method is being a total jerk. And as much as it pisses me off when such people attack breastfeeding mothers, it makes me even angrier when it’s a breastfeeding advocate bugging a bottle feeding mom - with friends like these, who needs enemies?
However, I would like to offer some information regarding the “not trying hard enough” advice that sometimes comes from lactation consultants and breastfeeding counselors. To understand where this comes from, you have to reflect that our culture is still pretty hostile to breastfeeding, and those of us trying to encourage breastfeeding see the same scenario quite often.
It’s the woman who says, “I tried to breastfeed, but I couldn’t,” and then it becomes clear that she did make her best effort, but was subtly undermined by her husband, other relatives, doctor, pediatrician, friends, neighbors, boss, and our culture in general. I think THIS is why breastfeeding support people will start digging around looking for things you can do differently, trying to correct bad information (often given by doctors), and offering ways to cope with difficulties, and maybe come across as saying, “You’re not trying hard enough.”
One of my motivations for starting this thread is to illuminate some examples of that subtle undermining. For instance, as **WhyNot **pointed out in the other thread, it is actually quite damaging to talk about breastfeeding as an optimal choice - an extra-special departure from the norm of formula feeding that is great if you can do it, but is not the standard. This is so insidious, because it *seems *like we’re supporting breastfeeding, saying how great it is, but really we’re reinforcing the idea that formula is the norm, and that breastfeeding is a difficult, rarefied practice.
Another aspect of this phenomenon is the idea that “breastfeeding is great, but if you can’t, formula is OK too.” There is so much in that simple, “supportive” statement that is dangerous. Breastfeeding as special and hard? Check. Injecting doubt? Check. Making it seem that many women can’t breastfeed? Check. Dismissal of the risks of formula? Check. And often this statement is made by a doctor or hospital, as they hand you a free sample of formula. Combine this with ignorance of the fact that milk supply is demand-driven, and you’ve got a recipe for an “Oh, my milk just dried up” situation, where the mom gives one bottle of formula, loses breast stimulation, makes less milk, gets worried the baby isn’t getting enough, gives more formula, makes less milk, and so on.
This is so incredibly frustrating for breastfeeding counselors, it’s not hard to see why some can get a little overzealous in encouraging mothers to avoid formula and take action to make breastfeeding work. I do think that lactation support people should try to be sensitive, and I have no wish to lay guilt on someone who is trying and not getting the support she needs. But I hope my story above makes it easier to outsiders to understand why it’s sometimes hard not to let the anger and frustration leak out a bit.
This is getting long, so I’ll just wrap it up and let further issues surface during discussion.
