Monkey Confusion!

For no apparent reason I’ve been reading about Capuchin monkeys, y’know, those little “spider” monkeys that look all cute until they tear Aunt Peggy’s face off her living skull.

Anyways, I’ve heard two radically opposing views about these impish primates:

  1. Negative: Capuchins are bad pets; eventually they will make a “bid for dominance” that usually involve violence, a lot of monkey screeching, and your bloody handprints all over the entertainment center.

  2. Positive: Capuchins make great helpers and assistants for the physically handicapped! Yes! They can cook 'n clean 'n answer the phone 'n re-enact the Battle of Gettysburg in your living room, yada yada yada.

So I’m hearing that these animals are bad pets for people who can defend themselves during a Berserk Monkey Attack (“BMA” in the scientific community), yet they’re great pets for defenseless people in wheelchairs who can’t even raise their hands in self-protection while they hear wet tearing sounds as their helper monkey goes after the internal organ that most resembles a banana.

And don’t tell me it’s the “special training for the disabled” provided to helper monkeys: if an animal has an ingrained deeply-rooted instinct to seek dominance in their pack, isn’t it assured that a Capuchin helper monkey will eventually throw their disabled owners off their wheelchairs, so the monkeys get a chance to sit in the dominant male’s seat & wheel around the living room shrieking triumphant cries of “OOK OOOK OOK”, which in Capuchin monkey speak means, “THE TYRANT IS DEAD BRING ON THE MONKEY KIBBLE!”…?

Well? Answer me! Ook Ook OOK!