Caught the new Monster Garage last night (6/16/03)…
Somewhere, there is a monster crying.
I knew I was in trouble when they tried an all-woman crew; there are great female automotive mechanics, engineers and designers out there, but these weren’t them! This was a lame-ass showboating shark-jumping suckfest. To illustrate:
Their victim was a 1965 Cadillac Coupe DeVille. This was a horrible choice on so many levels. It’s too nice a car to turn these hacks loose on.
Their mission was to turn the car into a Demolition Derby car. WTF? OK, so you rip everything out of the car and do some reinforcement work… Where’s the challenge there? Duh!
The first day, they smashed out all the glass, which was hysterical, seeing as how it took these women four whacks with a sledge just to break each window. At the end of the day, one of the women is all bummed out because the diamond fell out of her ring. Seeing as she’s surrounded by little shiny things, I’d say leaving the ring on was a Bad Idea.
Also the first day (this is as far as I got before I bailed in disgust), they had to remove the gas tank from the car. The full gas tank. The 30-odd gallon full gas tank. So they rig up some contraption with a piece of plywood and 2 hydraulic jacks, and attempt to lower the full gas tank without spilling the gas. Finally, someone must have had a precognitive vision of all the viewers screaming “SIPHON THE FRIGGIN’ TANK!” when the show aired, so they did just that. Oddly enough, the removal process was much easier after doing this.
This bunch of hacks were so bad, even the sight of a woman sucking on garden hose did nothing for me.
Try Monster House instead! So much more fun to see them destroy several rooms in someone’s house! Last night they did a 70’s kind of thing with a light up dance floor. And there was recently one that was tropical tiki inspired, complete with a giant fire breathing tiki god where the fireplace used to be.
I have a thread over in CS on the same topic. That Tiki House ruled.
And yea, Monster Garage sucked a little. Not to give it away, but they got to the demolition derby and the judges made them cut most of the exterior crap off.
The OP summed up my thoughts on last night’s show exactly.
They said the car had to look stock to participate then had to cut off all that stuff (shocker)!!.
Lame…
I admit to watching the entire episode, but in my defense I only did it to see if the hispanic, mother of 8 would kick the shit outta that spindley bitch with the attitude. When it didn’t happen that way, I was hoping the ‘derby queen’ would take a swing at her for screwing up the engine work.
Bad episode though… no real challenge. I haven’t made up my mind whether or not I like Monster House yet. I started watching Monster Garage because of Jesse.
Jesse was scare this time around as he’s apparently recovering from shoulder surgery. I say “apparently” as while they may have shown a bandage on his shoulder, and his arm was in a sling for a while, at the end of the show, he was wrenching and welding with no apparent difficulty. I’m sure his doctor will love to see this on TV. :putz:
The show has definitely declined in quality - the first few episodes were great as there was a distinct sensation of “Will they be able to pull this off and stay under $3,000?” Now it’s gotten outrageously sponsored by Discovery Channel, Jeg’s, and whatnot. For last night’s Demo Derby Disaster, did they buy ANYTHING? And for fuck’s sake, why, other than they were free, did they put expensive polished wheels and tires on the thing??
Back to the concept of last night’s show - Make a Demolition Derby car. Ooohh. Aahhh. So hard! Seriously, what’s to do? take out the glass, brace the bumpers, cage the interior a bit and off you go. Moving the battery and changing to a fuel cell may be requirements, but they’re not rocket science. And, I’m surprised there’s not a thriving market for nearly 40-year old Caddy glass. Would it have killed them to carefully and safely remove it intact? Although, it was funny to see that one rear window shrugging off blows from the sledgehammer, and the car fought back by snatching the diamond out of a ring.
The overall process is so simple they had to invent problems like fcuking up the engine so it wouldn’t start. The damn car came into the garage under its own power, but they had to start pulling the timing chain and distributor apart??
I meant to say :wally in reference to Jesse screwing around and working with a healing shoulder. If he can’t comb his hair because of the injury, he shouldn’t even look at tools!
I’ve drifted away from watching Monster Garage. The Suburban/Wedding Chapel one got on my nerves for various reasons, and the Mac Truck/Half-Pipe episode had me screaming, “How the hell does that even come close to looking stock!?” Then I saw the promos for the Hot Dog Vendor/Off-Roader episode and decided to stop watching for a while.
Ex-fucking-actly! That’s exactly what I was screeching at the tv last night. “You nitwits DROVE the car in! What the hell did you break it for??!!”
I can’t believe they had several perfectly competent welders but not one decent female mechanic. Unless they had several but rejected them in favor of more “colorful” candidates like Crystal and Lt. Moron. I am done with Monster Garage for good.
Most of the “full contact” auto sports like Demo Derbies and Bomber racing around here won’t allow cars that have the glass busted out. It has to be removed intact if possible. They check for broken bits in the car at the tech inspection. I didn’t watch, the ladies may have vacuumed the glass out…just busted it out for shock value and cleaned up later.
And the way Jesse bitches when the theme is a little lame, I’m amazed he even showed his face for a Demolition Derby!
I mean, wheee! That’s a technical challenge that countless guys with a case of beer and a cutting torch have succesfully conquered many times over the years.
I have only seen promos for this shit and refuse to watch for most of the reasons stated above, but for FUCKS SAKE I couldn’t believe the promo for a rock crawler or some such thing! They show (what appears to be) a real nice, classic early Ford Bronco into the shop, then proceed to fuck it up to hell!! This is sacrilige, boys! You can cut up a piece of shit Harley or something, but why take a nice, collectable, sought-after vehicle and tear it up?
I’m too mad to finish this post.
Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore.
I’ve never watched a complete episode, mostly because I think Jesse is a complete fucking jackass. I originally soured on him during that first special on his bike shop, where he traded a bike to a guy for a lowrider, despite the fact that he had a wife and kid and no money to pay the bills.
He reminds me of a tatoo-shop owner that I know; married with kid, absolutely broke, cars repossessed, but still trades work for Xboxes and PS2s or blows a couple of grand going to conventions with his buddies every other weekend.
Overgrown little boys. Ever notice how these guys never manage the financial side of the businesses themselves?
what pissed me off about the rock climber was the total disregard for the rules of the show. one, it didn’t look even remotely stock, as they removed the entire back half of the truck. two, a few cool freebies is one thing, but they got 30 fucking thousand dollars worth of free stuff! guess its back to Junkyard Wars for me.
I think they showed that the Ford Bronco was actually in pretty crappy condition. I wasn’t watching too carefully, but the engine was shot at the very least. So don’t cry.
(Well… and Paul Sr. and Paul Jr. on American Choppers)