He obviously can’t raise his right hand, you silly usher person… can you raise your right leg Mr Njorl?
Well how about this, sir: ‘Bum Biters’.
No no no no no no no no no… well, yes.
, What page in the script?
I hope you three gentlemen aren’t going to be indecisive!
I raise polecats for a living.
Shabby, Ken Shabby.
He’s the most brilliant man I ever met. We were in the CIA together. He’s retired now. He breeds rabbits up in the Yukon… His name is Teddy Salad.
Splitters!
I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay!
Well, now we’re getting somewhere. No, wait. A new angle! In the snow, instead of the tree, I see Rock Hudson, and instead of the dog I see Doris Day and, gentlemen, Doris Day goes up to Rock Hudson and she kisses him. A love story. Intercourse Italian style. David Hemmings as a hippy Gestapo officer. Frontal nudity. A family picture. A comedy. And then, when Doris Day’s kissed Rock Hudson, she says something funny like…
He ran off!
Give me another meatball.
Thank you, Eddie. And now time for this week’s request death. For Mr and Mrs Violet Stebbings of 23 Wolverston Road, Hull, the death of Mr Bruce Foster of Guildford.
Do you think I spoiled the atmosphere?
Oh, I’m up to page 39, where Peter Pan first manifests himself.
Well, I think television’s killed real entertainment. In the old days we used to make our own fun. At Christmas parties I used to strike myself on the head repeatedly with blunt instruments while crooning.
Doris Day’s a comedienne, not a newsreader. Get out!
I’m mainly in comedy. I’d like to be in Programming Planning actually, but unfortunately I’ve got a degree.
And that’s your dog?