A quickly needed Monty Python GQ

Cafe Society
1

Hi-

I’m away from home where I have my “Monty Python: All the Words” books and I need the rules and bylaws of the Bruces for an e-mail I’m responding to about rules and bylaws. All I can remember is the reiteration of “Rule Number _: No pooftahs!” but not the other stuff. BION, I couldn’t find it by googling “no pooftahs” “monty python” bruces (though I found a thousand variations on it). Can somebody please help?

(As said, I don’t need the whole sketch, just the words.)

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Shuldige. The above should have read “I don’t need the whole sketch, just the rules.” We now return to Channel 4.

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  1. No pooftahs.
  2. No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever, if there’s anyone watching.
  3. No pooftahs,
  4. I don’t want to catch anyone not drinking in their rooms after lights out.
  5. No pooftahs.
  6. There is no rule six.
  7. No pooftahs.
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Thanks!

Now feel free to hijack this thread into any Python relevant posting of your choice, provided it’s one without much spam in it.

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I DON’T LIKE SPAM!

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I’ll have yous Spam. I love it!

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Well, can I have her spam instead of the baked beans?

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NO-ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!

I’ve always wanted to do that. :stuck_out_tongue:

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Ewwwwww. Then it wouldn’t be spam, spam, spam, baked beans, and spam then, would it?

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While this is going could someone tell me the opening verse or verses of the Lumberjack song. I can remember from:

I cuts down trees, I skips and jumps,
I like to press wild flowers,
I put on women’s clothing,
And hang around in bars.

He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps…

I cuts down trees, I wears high heels,
Suspenders and a bra,
I’d wish I’d been a girlie,
Just like my dear mama.

He cuts down trees, he wears high heels?..

But what comes before that?

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I think the first verse is
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lavat’ry.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin’
And have buttered scones for tea.

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These are the words that are not to be used again on this programme.

B*M

B*TTY

P*X

KN*CKERS

W**-W**

SEMPRINI

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Semprini?

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Well, honk my hooter! and here I’d always heard it as “maltreat the others”, as in, other members of the faculty.

But on reading this, I just looked it up in MY copy of “All the Words”, and sure enough, yours is in the script, Mr. Blue Bruce.

So would I be correct in guessing that “the Abbos” is Australian slang for aboriginees? or am I way off? (hadn’t heard the term before).

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Number 1: The Larch.

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Lemon curry?

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As an aside, a few years ago at a physics department Halloween party, the English systems administrator and an English postdoc went as lumberjacks (and that’s OK). It’s funny when the Monty Python guys do it, but it’s funnier when a couple of co-workers do it, in person.

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My brain huuuuurts!!!

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Nonono–the brain in my heaaaad.

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Get…the COMFY CHAIR! :eek: