“This quote was not said by me at all but was made up by somebody else”
R. Maudling
Say no more, say no more.
Does it come with wafers?
I’m going to bounce up and down on my spring.
About one, call it none.
It’s not particularly silly, is it?
Regards,
Shodan
All right … I confess I haven’t cut your hair … I hate cutting hair. I have this terrible un-un-uncontrollable fear whenever I see hair. When I was a kid I used to hate the sight of hair being cut. My mother said I was a fool. She said the only way to cure it was to become a barber. So I spent five ghastly years at the Hairdressers’ Training Centre at Totnes. Can you imagine what it’s like cutting the same head for five years? I didn’t want to be a barber anyway. I wanted to be a lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia . . .
Hello, good evening, and welcome to “It’s A Living”. The rules are very simple: each week we get a large fee; at the end of that week we get another large fee; if there’s been no interruption at the end of the year we get a repeat fee which can be added on for tax purposes to the previous year or the following year if there’s no new series. Every contestant, in addition to getting a large fee is entitled to three drinks at the BBC or if the show is over, seven drinks - unless he is an MP, in which case he can have seven drinks before the show, or a bishop only three drinks in toto. The winners will receive an additional fee, a prize which they can flog back and a special fee for a guest appearance on “Late Night Line Up.” Well, those are the rules, that’s the game, we’ll be back again same time next week. Till then: Bye-bye.
As usual news of the old boys has been flowing in from the branches. Ribbentrop, Von (NAZIS 1930-45) is working as a nightclub hostess in Bristol. He says he’s really happy meeting new people and doesn’t miss being foreign minister at all. However he’s managed to work some of his diplomatic experience into his night-club act, when he performs the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk dance, in which he combines the salient features of Russian-German relations in the later half of the 1930’s with the music of Burt Bacharat. Keep it up Ron!
What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
Good lord, you’re right. It’s Kandinsky. Wassily Kandinsky, and who’s this here with him? It’s Braque. Georges Braque, the Cubist, painting a bird in flight over a cornfield and going very fast down the hill towards Kingston and… Piet Mondrian - just behind, Piet Mondrian the Neo-Plasticist, and then a gap, then the main bunch, here they come, Chagall, Max Ernst, Miro, Dufy, Ben Nicholson, Jackson Pollock and Bernard Buffet making a break on the outside here, Brancusi’s going with him, so is Gericault, Ferdinand Leger, Delaunay, De Kooning, Kokoschka’s dropping back here by the look of it, and so’s Paul Klee dropping back a bit and, right at the back of this group, our very own Kurt Schwitters…
And now for something completely different.
(An unusual citation in a British political science article… see at the very end: http://www.historyandpolicy.org/papers/policy-paper-94.html).
Albatross!
Well, of course, warfare isn’t all fun.
Oh well you want the Durham Light Infantry then, sir.
Oh, well, we sometimes feel we’re to blame in some way for what our gran’s become. I mean she used to be happy here until she, she… started on the crochet.
Torment me no longer. I have seen the Grail!
And spotteth twice they the camels before the third
hour. And so the Midianites went forth to Ram Gilead in Kadesh
Bilgemath by Shor Ethra Regalion, to the house of
Gash-Bil-Betheul-Bazda, he who brought the butter dish to
Balshazar and the tent peg to the house of Rashomon, and there
slew they the goats, yea, and placed they the bits in little
pots. Here endeth the lesson.
Do you want to come back to my place?
Regards,
Shodan
Support the Silly Party. The only party
that is publicly commited to:
[ul]
[li]raising prices[/li][li]destroying industry[/li][li]causing inflation[/li][li]ruining the economy[/li][/ul]