I think we should attack the lower classes. First with bombs and rockets, destroying their homes, and then when they run helpless in the streets, mowing them down with machine guns. And then of course, releasing the vultures.
Why should I be tied with the epithet, “loony,” merely because I have a pet halibut?
A-goooood-niiiight-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!
This is a twelve-story block combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The tenants arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these…
Well there’ ll certainly be some car door slamming in the streets of Kensington tonight.
I took the liberty of examining this parrot, and discovered that the only reason he remained on his perch was that he’d been nailed there.
Suicide squad, attack!
But what’s this? Two spectators have rushed onto the pitch with spoons and forks… what are they going to do?
We done passionfruit!
How long do we keep this going, seeing as a lot of quotes are getting repeated more than once?
Please! Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, has just fallen to his death.
I want her to now consider me her father, in a very real and legally-binding sense.
And now for something completely different…a man with a tape recorder up his nose.
Minister, may I put the first question to you? In your plan, ‘A Better Britain For Us’, you claimed that you would build 88,000 million, billion houses a year in the Greater London area alone. In fact, you’ve built only three in the last fifteen years. Are you a bit disappointed with this result?
And now, BBC Radio One presents “The Death of Mary Queen of Scots”.
Now then; the purpose of this year’s expedition is to try and find any trace of last year’s expedition.
*Announcer: And next the men of the Second Armoured Division regale us with their famous close order swanning about. *
Sergeant: Squad… Camp it … up!
Oooh get her! Whoops!
I’ve got your number ducky.
You couldn’t afford me, dear. Two three.
I’d scratch your eyes out.
Don’t come the brigadier bit with us, dear,
We all know where you’ve been, you military fairy!
Whoops, don’t look now girls,
The major’s just minced in
With that dolly colour sergeant,
Two, three, ooh-ho!
We’ve been mentioned on telly!
We have a lot of trouble with these grannies. Pension day’s the worst. They go mad. As soon as they get their money, they blow it all on milk, bread, tea, a tin of meat for the cat.
I’ve got a hat… A lion taming hat. A hat with ‘lion tamer’ on it. I got it at Harrods. And it lights up saying ‘lion tamer’ in great big neon letters, so that you can tame them after dark when they’re less stroppy.
Now, I’ve noticed a tendency for this programme to get rather silly. Now I do my best to keep things moving along, but I’m not having things getting silly. Those two last sketches I did got very silly indeed, and that last one about the bed was even sillier. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do…except perhaps my wife and some of her friends…oh yes and Captain Johnston. Come to think of it most people likes a good laugh more than I do. But that’s beside the point. Now, let’s have a good clean healthy outdoor sketch. Get some air into your lungs. Ten, nine, eight and all that.