I didn’t know you were called Dennis.
The rules are very simple: each week we get a large fee; at the end of that week we get another large fee; if there’s been no interruption at the end of the year we get a repeat fee which can be added on for tax purposes to the previous year or the following year if there’s no new series.
I don’t know. Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that’s all - I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
Julius Caesar on an Aldis lamp!
He has a wife, you know. You know what she’s called? Incontinentia. Incontinentia Buttocks.
Oh, Pantomime Horse, that was wonderful.
I’m Brian, and so’s my wife!
Well, er, yes Mr Anchovy, but you see your report here says that you are an extremely dull person. You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. And whereas in most professions these would be considerable drawbacks, in chartered accountancy they are a positive boon.
It’s a fair cop.
Aren’t you going to say ‘What’s all this then?’
What’s all this then?
I’ve got a hat.
Luxury.
I think she’s dead.
Yes, yes, yes, I do follow, Mr. Anchovy, but you see the snag is… if I now call Mr. Chipperfield and say to him, “Look here, I’ve got a forty-five-year-old chartered accountant with me who wants to become a lion tamer,” his first question is not going to be “Does he have his own hat?”
I’m sorry, I have a cold.
Thank you, Bicycle Repairman!
All right … I confess I haven’t cut your hair … I hate cutting hair. I have this terrible un-un-uncontrollable fear whenever I see hair. When I was a kid I used to hate the sight of hair being cut. My mother said I was a fool. She said the only way to cure it was to become a barber. So I spent five ghastly years at the Hairdressers’ Training Centre at Totnes. Can you imagine what it’s like cutting the same head for five years? I didn’t want to be a barber anyway. I wanted to be a lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia . . .
While they are all saying “Comfy Chair”, here is question one of our special Sound Quiz. Question one. What famous person is this getting up in the morning?..Yes, it was the film director Visconti. 5 points. An Italian film director is not sufficient.
Great Balls of Fire?