…or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Better get a bucket.
But you put a bucket over your head last time we said ‘mattress’.
“And did those feet, in ancient times…”
And the Lord spake, saying: “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three - no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”
Mr. and Mrs. Watson of ‘Ivy Cottage’, Worplesdon Road, Hull, chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we found that they had gone away on two weeks holiday. They had not left any forwarding address, and they had bolted and barred the house to prevent us getting in. However a neighbour told us where there were.
I should say it’s definitely a solid four days’ practice every week… at least. I mean, I reckon I could hit that tree over there… the one just behind that hillock, not the big hillock, the little hillock on the left. You can see the three trees, the third one from the left and back a bit - that one - I reckon I could hit that four times out of five… on a good day. Say, with this wind… say, say seven times out of ten.
No, I’m afraid not actually guv, we’re fresh out of parrots. I’ll tell you what though … I’ll lop its back legs off, make good, strip the fur, stick a couple of wings on and staple on a beak of your own choice. No problem. Lovely parrot.
Well, I hardly think this is good enough. I think it’s be more appropriate if the box bore a great red label, “WARNING: LARK’S VOMIT!!!”
Oh, shove the abattoir, that’s not important. But if any of you could put in a word for me I’d love to be a mason. Masonry opens doors. I’d be very quiet, I was a bit on edge just now but if I were a mason I’d sit at the back and not get in anyone’s way.
Well I’ve just been starring in several major multi-million dollar international films, and, during breaks on the set, I’ve been designing a Cathedral, doing wonderful unpublicized work for charity, er, finishing my history of the world, of course, pulling the birds, er, photographing royalty on the loo, averting World War Three - can’t be bad - and, er learning to read.
‘good evening’
‘you may think it strange that we should be asking you to vote norwegian at the next election’
‘but consider the advantages’
‘in norway, we have one of the highest per cappa income rates in europe’
‘we have an industrial re-investment rate of 14%’
‘and girls with massive knockers!’
‘honestly, they’ll do anything for you’
‘they’ll go through the card’
‘you name it, they know it’
‘but there’s one in trondheim who can put her…’
A møøse once bit my sister…
Is there anyone else up there we could talk to?
Wait, don’t tell me - it’s something to do with moonlight - it goes with her eyes - it’s soft and gentle, warm and yielding, deeply lyrical and yet tender and frightened like a tiny white rabbit.
It IS the rabbit.
It’s Christmas in Heaven
The snow falls from the sky
But it’s nice and warm, and everyone
Looks smart and wears a tie
And, now…the sound of John Denver being strangled:
“You came on my pill-ow…aarghgarghrgrgahhgaraghagragah.”
Thank you.
It’s Deirdre.
She smells a bit, but she has a heart of gold.