Good evening and welcome, ladies and gentlemen. At this time we’d like to up the tempo a little, change the mood. We’ve got a number requested by Pip, Pauline, Nigel, Tarquin, and old Spotty - Tarquin’s mother - a little number specially written for the pubescence of ex-King Zog of Albania, and it’s entitled “Art Gallery.” Hope you like it.
You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank.
Yeah, it’s hidden in his trousers!
Somebody. In this room. Must the murderer be. The murderer of the body is somebody in this room, which nobody must leave… leave the body in the room not to be left by anybody. Nobody leaves anybody or the body with somebody. Everybody who is anybody shall leave the body in the room body. Take the tablets Tiger. Anybody (as he searches for the tablets) with a body but not the body is nobody. Nobody leaves the body in the … (he takes the tablet) Albody me introbody albodyduce.
Luxury!
“Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying.”
Always look on the bright side of life.
Still, there’s one thing about being a hermit: at least you meet people.
Nuuuuuuuuuu!
And when we got home, our dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.
Regards,
Shodan
Listen. If you really wanted to join the P.F.J., you’d have to really hate the Romans.
A lot.
Well, don’t think of them. Just count four in your head.
And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.
Yeah, I’ll have six bottles of Château Latour Forty-five…
Oh, intercourse the penguin.
Venezuelan beaver cheese?
I’m a lumberjack and I’m ok…
Dad… it’s the man from ‘The Hay Wain’ by Constable to see you.
Taking life as it comes, sharing the good things and the bad things, finding laughter and fun wherever they go - it is with these two happy-go-lucky rogues that our story begins. For it is they who were run over by Alex Diamond … international crime fighter … and playboy … fast-moving … tough-talking … and just one of the many hundreds of famous people who suffer from lumbago, the epidemic disease about which no one knows more than this man … Dr Emile Koning … doctor … surgeon … proctologist … and selfless fighter against human suffering, whose doorbell was the one above the hero of our story tonight Rear-Admiral Humphrey De Vere!