Well, quite frankly, siblings, I think five years is optimistic, unless we can smash the Roman empire within the next twelve months.
One… two… FIVE!!!
Yes. Well, the thing is, Sergeant, I’ve got a bit of a problem here. One of the officers has lost a leg.
Well, never mind. I’ll just take The Lord Lieutenant in Nylons, then, and these two copies of Piggie Parade. Thank you.
It’s a shed!!! Get it off!!! Get it off!!!
Listen, mate! Don’t come that Philip Sidney bit with me. I’m not a bloody Tudor at all. I’m Gaskell of the Vice Squad and this is Sergeant Maddox.
Jimmy, at least one ageing football commentator was gladdened last night by the sight of an English footballer breaking free of the limpid tentacles of packed Mediterranean defence.
Let that be a warning to you all. You move at your peril, for I have two pistols here. I know one of them isn’t loaded any more, but the other one is, so that’s one of you dead for sure…or just about for sure anyway. It certainly wouldn’t be worth your while risking it because I’m a very good shot. I practice every day…well, not absolutely every day, but most days in the week…I expect I must practice, oh, at least four or five times a week at least…at least four or five, only some weekends…like last weekend, there really wasn’t the time, so that moved the average down a bit…but I should say it’s definitely a solid four days’ practice a week…at least. I mean…I reckon I could hit that tree over there…the one just behind that hillock…not the big hillock, the little hillock on the left. You see the three trees, the third from the left and back a bit - that one - I reckon I could hit that four times out of five…on a good day.
What about a pointed stick?
Shut up!
I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must cross this bridge!
Shut up. It’s a disguise. Right! Confiscate the smutty books, Maddox.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Ladies and gentlemen. I have in this box twenty-three white mice. Mice which have been painstakingly trained over the past few years, to squeak at a selected pitch. This is E sharp… and this one is G. You get the general idea. Now these mice are so arranged upon this rack, that when played in the correct order they will squeak ‘The Bells of St Mary’s’. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you on the mouse organ ‘The Bells of St Mary’s’. Thank you.
And so when you get a chance to vote,
Kind-ly vote Con-ser-va-tive.
Rising prices, unemployment,
Both stem from the wages spiral
Curb inflation, save the nation,
Join us now and save the economy.
I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting, by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs, but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more–
Look. This is the last time. I’m warning you, I’m not Sir Philip Bleeding Sidney. I am Superintendent Harold Gaskell and this is a raid.
Ahh, yes. Well, I think I should point out first, Brian, in all fairness, that we are not in fact the rescue committee. However, I have been asked to read the following prepared statement on behalf of the Movement. Uh, ‘We, the People’s Front of Judea, brackets, officials, end brackets, do hereby convey our sincere fraternal and sisterly greetings to you, Brian, on this, the occasion of your martyrdom.’
‘Your death will stand as a landmark in the continuing struggle to liberate the parent land from the hands of the Roman Imperialist aggressors, excluding those concerned with drainage, medicine, roads, housing, education, viticulture, and any other Romans contributing to the welfare of Jews of both sexes and hermaphrodites. Signed on behalf of the P.F.J., etc.’ And I’d just like to add, on a personal note, my own admiration for what you are doing for us, Brian, at what must be, after all, for you, a very difficult time.
It’s…
OK - this may be pushing the OP a little but I always loved this line
Look! It’s a nun in the guise of the Devil!