Nothing, nothing – just like the word, it gives me confidence. Gorn…Gorn…It’s got a sort of woody quality about it…Gorn…GOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRNNNNN.
Much better than ‘newspaper’ or ‘litter bin’.
It’s a bird, innit? It’s a bloody sea bird… it’s not any bloody flavour. Albatross!
It’s quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless.
Sandwiches?!?
Due to bad planning, the hundred and twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it’s not very useful.
Well, that’s as maybe but it’s not the way the BBC works.
I’m sorry, you have to say “dog kennel” to Mr Lambert, because if you say “mattress” he puts a bucket over his head. I should have explained. Otherwise he’s perfectly all right.
£WAG
'in this performance the part of david hemmings will be played by a piece of wood
Oh, no, no, no, no … well, yes.
So I thought to myself, ‘a little fermented curd will do the trick’. So I curtailed my Walpolling activities, sallied forth and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.
*Assistant: *Your suit is fair and goodly cut. Was’t from Antwerp?
*Gaskell: *Shut up. It’s a disguise. Right! Confiscate the smutty books, Maddox.
My lords, ladies and gedderbong…On my right, from the town of Reigate in the county of Kent, the heavyweight cha-la wa-la, the olly-olly-olla-choame, the ga-luh-wuh-chulluh, ho-la-cum-in-a-NEEEE, Mistuuuh, Ken, Clean-Air System!.. (applause; Ken raises his arms) and on my left, Miss Petula Wilcox. (smattering of ohs and boos)
Doug and Dinsdale Piranha now formed a gang, which the called ‘The Gang’ and used terror to take over night clubs, billiard halls, gaming casinos and race tracks. When they tried to take over the MCC they were for the only time in their lives, slit up a treat. As their empire spread however, we in Q Division were keeping tabs on their every move by reading the colour supplements.
The battle raged long and hard, but as night fell Sidney overcame the Spaniards. 6,000 copies of Tits and Bums and 4,000 copies of Shower Sheila were seized that day. The tide of Spanish porn was stemmed. Sir Philip Sidney returned to London in triumph.
Well screw the Bible! Let’s get on with this bleeding trial, I’ve got a Gay Lib meeting at 6 o’clock. Superintendent Lufthansa will you please read the charge.
Bunch of monkeys on the ceiling, sir! Grab your egg-and-fours and let’s get the bacon delivered!
8 o’clock is a peak viewing hour so naturally we tend to stick to our comedy output - unless of course there’s sport - because of course we know this is popular, and popularity is what television is about. Quite frankly I’m sick and tired of people accusing us of being ratings conscious.
There’s a dead bishop on the landing, dad!
Be a shame if someone was to set fire to them.