Absolutely. Yes. My fruit cake was damaged on one side.
After all, a murderer is only an extroverted suicide. Dinsdale was a looney, but he was a happy looney. Lucky bastard.
I don’t know. Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that’s all - I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
He nailed your head to the floor?
At first, yeah.
I remember Doug was very keen on boxing, but when he learned to walk he took up putting the boot in the groin. He was very interested in that. His mother had a terrible job getting him to come in for tea. Putting his little boot in he’d be, bless him. All the kids were like that then; they didn’t have their heads stuffed with all this Cartesian dualism.
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
You’re fucking nicked, me old beauty!
Er, nothing, nothing at all, sir. We were wondering if you could see your way clear…to giving us…a quick… a quick… visual… Mr Frampton, will you take your trousers down?
Lovely people, the Romans.
Beautiful plumage?
Rat pudding, rat cake, rat sorbet and strawberry tart.
Strawberry tart?
Wellll, it’s got some rat in it.
How much?
Three. Rather a lot really.
I’ll have a slice of strawberry tart without so much rat in it.
(One slice of strawberry tart without so much rat in it, later.)
Appalling!
Moan, moan, moan!
Hello, good evening and welcome to another edition of Blood, Devastation, Death, War, and Horror, and later on we’ll be meeting a man who does gardening.
In this film we hope to show how not to be seen. This is Mr. E.R. Bradshaw of Napier Court, Black Lion Road, London SE5. He can not be seen. Now I am going to ask him to stand up. Mr. Bradshaw, will you stand up please?
gunshot
This demonstrates the value of not being seen. In this picture we cannot see Mrs. B.J. Smegma of 13, The Cresent, Belmont. Mrs. Smegma, will you stand up please?
gunshot
This is Mr. Nesbitt of Harlow New Town. Mr. Nesbitt, would you stand up please?
[long pause]
Mr. Nesbitt has learnt the value of not being seen. However, he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover.
KA-BOOM!!!
I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!
Well it’s funny you should ask that, but I’ve just been reading a great big book about how to put your budgie down, and apparently you can either hit them with the book, or, you can shoot them just there, just above the beak.
I’m afraid we’re fresh out of Red Leicester, sir.
Ooooooh, the cat’s eaten it.
He has?
She, sir.
7.30 Fed cat.
8.00 Breakfast.
8.30 Yes (successfully).
9.00 Set out on historic journey.
Oh, good morning! Have you come to arrange a holiday or would you like a blowjob?
All things bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small
All things wise and wonderful
The Church Fuzz nick them all!
Amen.