Dear Sir, I am writing to complain about that sketch about people failing out of a high building. I have worked all my life in such a building and have never once.
Bring out your dead!
Nasty little piece of work, he is. I hate him!
He’s a lumberjack, and he’s OK,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
They’re a couple of little bastards. I hate 'em. They’ve got eyes like little pigs, just like their mother. She’s a disaster… a really horrible-looking person, she is. I thought that one would stay on the shelf, but along comes this stupid dentist git. He’s a real creepy little bastard, he is. I hate 'im.
Oh! It’s blessed are the meek! I’m glad they’re getting something, they had a hell of a time…
Watery tarts lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!
Penguins, yes, penguins. What relevance do penguins have to the furtherance of medical science? Well, strangely enough quite a lot, a major breakthrough, maybe. It was from such an unlikely beginning as an unwanted fungus accidentally growing on a sterile plate that Sir Alexander Fleming gave the world penicillin. James Watt watched an ordinary household kettle boiling and conceived the potentiality of steam power. Would Albert Einstein ever have hit upon the theory of relativity if he hadn’t been clever? All these tremendous leaps forward have been taken in the dark. Would Rutherford ever have split the atom if he hadn’t tried? Could Marconi have invented the radio if he hadn’t by pure chance spent years working at the problem? Are these amazing breakthroughs ever achieved except by years and years of unremitting study? Of course not. What I said earlier about accidental discoveries must have been wrong. Nevertheless scientists believe that these penguins, these comic flightless web-footed little bastards may finally unwittingly help man to fathom the uncharted depths of the human mind. Professor Rosewall of the Laver Institute.
I hereby sentence you to be hanged by the neck until you cheer up.
It’s just gone 8 o’clock and time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.
We’ve been mentioned on telly!
Come on, Parky!
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Come on now, be sensible, Parky.
¡Cuidado! Hay llamas!
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You’re fucking nicked, me old beauty!
Hello, good evening and welcome to the Ronald Reagan Memorial Bowl, here in the pretty little L.A. suburb of Hollywood. Well, we’re about to go in all for wrestling, brought to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen, by the makers of Scum, the world’s first ever combined hair oil, foot ointment, and salad dressing. And the makers of Titan, the novelty nuclear missile! You never know when it’ll go off! Surprise your friends, amuse your enemies, start the party with a bang! Introducing, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, all the way from a mudwrestling tour of the OPEC countries…in the red corner: Colin ‘Bomber’ Harris!..and, ladies and gentlemen, in the blue corner…all the way from a mudwrestling tour of the OPEC countries…Colin ‘Bomber’ Harris!
Not much fun in Stalingrad, no.
Oh dear, that’ll be the Cheap-Laughs from next door.
But our sales would plummet!
It’ll be Parkinson next.