Good. Now I’m arrestin’ this entire show on three counts: one, acts of self-conscious behavior contrary to the Not in Front of the Children Act; two, always saying ‘It’s So-and-So of the Yard’ every time the fuzz arrives and, three, and this is the cruncher, offences against the Getting Out of Sketches Without Using a Proper Punchline Act; four, namely, simply ending every bleedin’ sketch by just having a policeman come in and… wait a minute.
There you go, bringing class into it again.
Ah, I see you have the machine that goes ‘ping!’. This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to - that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.
The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked. The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute.
Executive Producer JOHN GOLDSTONE & “RALPH” The Wonder Llama Producer MARK FORSTATER Assisted By EARL J. LLAMA MIKE Q. LLAMA III SY LLAMA MERLE Z. LLAMA IX Directed By 40 SPECIALLY TRAINED ECUADORIAN MOUNTAIN LLAMAS 6 VENEZUELAN RED LLAMAS 142 MEXICAN WHOOPING LLAMAS 14 NORTH CHILEAN GUANACOS (CLOSELY RELATED TO THE LLAMA) REG LLAMA OF BRIXTON 76000 BATTERY LLAMAS FROM “LLAMA-FRESH” FARMS LTD. NEAR PARAGUAY and TERRY GILLIAM & TERRY JONES.
Wait until Biggus Dickus hears of this!!!
The battle raged long and hard, but as night fell Sidney overcame the Spaniards. 6,000 copies of Tits and Bums and 4,000 copies of Shower Sheila were seized that day.
This is, of course, pure…uh…bullshit!
When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing, but four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas. And Protestantism doesn’t stop at the simple condom. Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want.
‘There will be no supper tonight,’ she will sometimes cry upon my return home. ‘Why not?’ I will ask. ‘Because I have been screwing the milkman all day,’ she will say, quite oblivious of the howling error she has made. ‘But,’ I will wearily point out, ‘even given that the activities of screwing the milkman and getting supper are mutually exclusive, now that the screwing is over, surely then, supper may now, logically, be got.’
The Larch
Albatross!
The plumage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.
Excuse me not shaking hands, I’ve just been putting a bit of lard on the cat’s boil.
Owl-Stretching Time
It is now time for the penguin on top of your television set to explode.
Dear Sir, I am glad to hear that your studio audience disapproves of the last skit as strongly as I. As a naval officer I abhor the implication that the Royal Navy is a haven for cannibalism. It is well known that we have the problem relatively under control, and that it is the RAF who now suffer the largest casualties in this area. And what do you think the Argylls ate in Aden. Arabs? Yours etc. Captain B.J. Smethwick in a white wine sauce with shallots, mushrooms and garlic.
- In Mercia and the two Anglias - plague, with a 50% chance of pestilence and famine coming out of the Northwest at twelve miles per hour.
Venezuelan beaver cheese?
Spam!
It is the rabbit.