Mrs Pinnet: Well can’t you turn it on and connect it up?
First Gas Man: No. But what we can do, and this is between you and me, I shouldn’t really be telling you this, we’ll turn your gas on, make a hole in your pipe, you ring Hounslow emergency, they’ll be around here in a couple of days.
Mrs Pinnet: What, a house full of gas! I’ll be dead by then
First Gas Man: Oh well, in that case you’d have the South East Area Manager round here like a shot.
Mrs Pinnet: Really?
First Gas Man: Ah yes. ‘One or more persons overcome by fumes’, you’d have Head Office, Holbom, round here.
Pleased to meet you, squire. I also am not of Minehead being born but I in your Peterborough Lincolnshire was given birth to. But am staying in Peterborough Lincolnshire house all time during vor, due to jolly old running sores, and vos unable to go in the streets or to go visit football matches or go to Nuremburg. Ha ha. Am retired vindow cleaner and pacifist, without doing war crimes. Oh…and am glad England vin Vorld Cup. Bobby Charlton. Martin Peters. And eating I am lots of chips and fish and hole in the toads and Dundee cakes on Piccadilly Line, don’t you know old chap, vot! And I vos head of Gestapo for ten years.(Hitler elbows him in the ribs) Ah! Five years! (Hitler elbows him again, harder) Nein! No! Oh. NOT head of Gestapo AT ALL! I was not, I make joke!
“I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”
Listen, lad: I built this kingdom up from nuthin’. When I started here, all of this was swamp! Other kings said it was daft to build a castle in a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em!
It sank into the swamp. SO, I built a second one! That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one…stayed up. And that’s what
you’re gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in these islands.