Don’t call me sweetie!!
Well, that’s all from BBC Television for this evening.
Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith has an O-level in chemo-hygiene. Simon-Zinc-Trumpet-Harris, married to a very attractive table lamp. Nigel Incubator-Jones, his best friend is a tree, and in his spare time he’s a stockbroker. Gervaise Brook-Hampster is in the Guards, and his father uses him as a wastepaper basket. And finally Oliver St John-Mollusc, Harrow and the Guards, thought by many to be this year’s outstanding twit.
No, I’m afraid we couldn’t accept your dog instead of your youngest child. We would like to suggest a brand new scheme of ours under which 51% of both your dog and your wife pass to us in the event of your suffering a serious accident.
Well why don’t you just get rid of Harold?
He’s just been in the Florentine Room and smeared tomato ketchup all over Raphael’s Baby Jesus.
Well how about this, sir: ‘Bum Biters’.
Oh? All right, we’ll call it a draw.
Mr Bartlett, I fail to see the relevance of your last witness.
Old woman!
E. Henry Thripshaw t-shirts are now available from BBC Enterprises.
I’m thirty-seven!
Good evening, I’m the announcer who’s just been given this job by the BBC and I’d just like to say how grateful I am to the BBC for providing me with work, particularly at this time of year, when things are a bit thin for us announcers.
Semprini?
He’s not here yet!
Congratulations, old man!
There’s a bale of hay outside Basingstoke. We could throw you out.
You have green, scaly skin, and a soft yellow underbelly with a series of fin-like ridges running down your spine and tail. Although lizardlike in shape, you can grow anything up to thirty feet in length with huge teeth that can bite off great rocks and trees. You inhabit arid sub-tropical zones and wear spectacles.
Er .,. oh . … I was just saying … thinking of the weather… I hear the gooseberries are doing well this year… and so are the mangoes.
Let us begin. Would you like to give up being a mason? Think carefully. Think. Think.