Ah, anti-semitism!
Dear Sir, I object to being objected to by the last letter, before my drift has become apparent. I spent many years in India during the last war and am now a part-time notice board in a prominent public school. Yours etc., Brigadier Zoe La Rue (deceased). PS Aghhh!
Excuse me, do I have any more lines?
When the Piranhas left school they were called up but were found by an Army Board to be too unstable even for National Service. Denied the opportunity to use their talents in the service of their country, they began to operate what they called ‘The Operation’.
No, you shouldn’t do that - no, that’s dangerous. They breed in the sewers!
I’m terribly sorry to interrupt but my tooth’s hurting, just around here.
I know…I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect…
Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to a three-round contest of the Epilogue. Introducing on my right in the blue corner, appearing for Jehovah - the ever popular Monsignor Eddie Gay. And on my left in the red comer - author of the books ‘The Problems of Kierkegaard’ and ‘Hello Sailor’ and visiting Professor of Modern Theological Philosophy at the University of East Anglia - from Wigan - Dr Tom Jack!
It’s a bazooka!
I wish to plead incompetence.
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so anyway!
Number nine. The ear.
The larch.
You can collect it at reception. Now go away.
I’d like to welcome the pommey bastard to God’s own Earth, and remind him that we don’t like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.
Is your name not Bruce, then?
No. Right, I just want to remind you of the faculty rules: Rule One! No poofters!
Well, I’ve been going with ministers for five years now and, you know… I think they’re wonderful.
- Allow me to introduce myself. I am Inspector Leopard of Scotland Yard, Special Fraud Film Director Squad.
- Leopard of the Yard!
- The same. Only more violent.
All right girls, now stop this tomfoolery and get back to bed, remember it’s the big match at St Bridget’s tomorrow.