I’ve fallen off my chair, Brian.
Er, I think this is largely due to the number of votes cast. Gerald.
Oh. Just a bottle of sherry then, please.
What a strange person!
There’s gifts for all the family
There’s toiletries and trains
There’s Sony Walkman Headphone sets
And the latest video games
It’s Christmas, it’s Christmas in heaven
Hip, hip, hip, hip, hip, hooray!
Every single day is Christmas day
But don’t you see, I came here to find a new job, a new life, a new meaning to my existence. Can’t you help me?
Look, you’re a busy man —
Er yes … well … you’ve not quite got the hang of that, have you.
How much do you hate the Romans?
You’d better wait here. I’ll get a cloth.
We are astrologers. We have come from the East.
A lot.
No, don’t follow me and … (camera zooms in) And don’t zoom in on me, no I’m off, I’m off. That’s it. That’s all. I’m off.
Good. Now I’m ‘arrestin’ this entire show on three counts: one, acts of self-conscious behavior contrary to the ‘Not in front of the children’ Act, two, always saying ‘It’s so and so of the Yard’ every time the fuzz arrives and, three, and this is the cruncher, offences against the ‘Getting out of sketches without using a proper punchline’ Act, four, namely, simply ending every bleedin’ sketch by just having a policeman come in and… wait a minute.
Do you do a lot of this, then?
Yes, on your screen tomorrow: ‘The Naughtiest Girl in the School’ starring the men of the 14th Marine Commandos.
It’s a fair cop.
Shove off!
A witch!
No! Time to lose!