But it’s my only line!!!
That was episode two of “The Death of Mary, Queen of Scots”, specially adapted for radio by Gracie Fields and Joe Frazier. And now, Radio Four will explode.
There have been many stirring tales told of the sea and also some fairly uninteresting ones only marginally connected with it, like this one. Sorry, this isn’t a very good announcement. Sorry.
My hovercraft is full of eels.
I thought we were here to discuss archaeology.
Up on the table! Arms out, fingers together, knees bent, now, head well forward. Now, flap your arms. Go on, flap, faster… faster… faster… faster, faster, faster, faster - now jump! Rotten. Rotten. You’re no bloody use at all. You’re an utter bloody wash-out. You make me sick, you weed!
How about something a little more musky? This one’s called Mimmo.
Get out the bloody piano you stupid furry bucktoothed gits! Get out! Gott in Himmel. Get your stinking tail out of my face.
Know what I mean?
I think she’s dead.
Uh, I’m-- I’m not quite dead, sir.
I think I’ll go for a walk.
Well I’m afraid I shan’t be coming on your expedition sir, as I’ve absolutely no confidence in anyone involved in it.
Will passengers for flight one, please assemble at gate one. Passengers are advised that there is still plenty of time to buy eccles cakes.
No, I’m not.
New Bruce, are you a pooftah?
Well I don’t care, I want to know what’s going on! I think you’re deliberately trying to humiliate people, and I’m going straight out of here and I’m going to tell the police exactly what you do to people and I’m going to make bloody sure that you never do it again. There, what do you think of that? What do you think of that?
Uh, excuse me, could somebody give me a push?
And now for something completely different.
Here comes that wacky queen again.