She’s beautiful. She’s rich. She’s got huge… tracts o’ land!
I banged me gavel.
You what?
and I waggled my wig!
I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so anyway, I said to her, I said, they can’t afford that on what he earns, I mean for a start the feathers get up your nose, I ask you, four and six a pound, and him with a wooden leg, I don’t know how she puts up with it after all the trouble she’s had with her you-know-what, anyway it was a white wedding much to everyone’s surprise, of course they bought everything on the hire purchase, I think they ought to send them back where they came from, I mean you’ve got to be cruel to be kind so Mrs Harris said, so she said, she said, she said, the dead crab she said, she said. Well, her sister’s gone to Rhodesia what with her womb and all, and her youngest, her youngest as thin as a filing cabinet, and the goldfish, the goldfish they’ve got whooping cough they keep spitting water all over their Bratbys, well, they do don’t they, I mean you can’t, can you, I mean they’re not even married or anything, they’re not even divorced, and he’s in the KGB if you ask me, he says he’s a tree surgeon but I don’t like the sound of his liver, all that squeaking and banging every night till the small hours, his mother’s been much better since she had her head off, yes she has, I said, don’t you talk to me about bladders, I said…
It’s…
I got up at five o’dock, I made myself a cup of tea, I looked out of the window. Well, by then I was so worn out I had to come and have a sit-down.
The… larch.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, etc., etc.
It’s a fair cop.
Look, get out you old rat-bag. Buzz off and shut up.
Oh blimey, how time flies. Sadly we are reaching the end of yet another program and so it is finale time. We are proud to be bringing to you one of the evergreen bucket kickers. Yes, the wonderful death of the famous English Admiral Nelson.
Here comes that wacky queen again!
The BBC WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE IN THE WORLD FOR THE LAST ITEM. IT WAS DISGUSTING AND BAD AND THOROUGHLY DISOBEDIENT AND PLEASE DON’T BOTHER TO PHONE UP BECAUSE WE KNOW IT WAS VERY TASTELESS, BUT THEY DIDN’T REALLY MEAN IT AND THEY DO ALL COME FROM BROKEN HOMES AND HAVE VERY UNHAPPY PERSONAL LIVES, ESPECIALLY ERIC.
I want you to marry me.
I thought he’d never ask.
I’ll smack your little botty!
But it’s my only line!
Sorry, mum.
Splunge, oh, yes, definitely.