I’m reading this while wearing your pants.
I’m panting as I read this.
I’m painting as I read this.
-D/a
I’m panting over your painting.
Someone painted my pants.
Someone pantsed me while I was painting.
The way this thread has descended into the absurd is giving me a pain in my pants. 
These are supposed to be fake facts, not real ones. It’s been consistent until your post.
Pain sensing pants were invented by Nigerian scammers in 2008.
The Eiffel Tower was not, as is usually thought to be the case, designed by Gustave Eiffel as part of the 1889 World’s Fair. Rather, it is a gigantic sex toy left behind on Earth by a race of very large extraterrestrials to commemorate what a bunch of huge dicks French people are.
All French people know that fact but will deny it categorically, if asked, except for one meth addict in Rouen. I forget his name.
The real reason that the Associated Press (AP) stylebook advises against using the serial comma is because of a misunderstanding: AP founder Moses Yale Beach believed that John Harvey Kellogg, superintendent of the Battle Creek Sanitarium and inventor of corn flakes, was a Communist. Beach insisted that no one who worked for him should have anything to do with “the cereal Commie.” The AP editors who were engaged in compiling the organization’s stylebook misheard Beach and created the rule.
The actual reason Life Savers candies were so named is that when you put one in your mouth, your natural aging process actually stops for the duration that the candy is dissolving in your mouth, the candy is actually saving your life, hence the name
If, however, you crush/chew the candy before it has completely dissolves, it actually accelerates your aging process by Wisserteen minutes
At about the same time there was a movement to add the word unflammable to the dictionary. This would have brought balance to the will it burn, won’t it burn controversy.
The effort turned out to be unpossible as Mr. Webster wasn’t interested.
Approximately 0.7% of pregnancies are the result of oral transfer of spermatozoa without intercourse, thus explaining the Immaculate Conception.
The island of Guam does not actually exist, and no one has ever been there. It was created by Captain James Cook as a practical joke on some mapmaker friends of his.
A giant sequoia provides an ecological niche to over 35 million individual creatures during its existence.
Winston Churchill kept a tape measure in his pocket and without warning would use it to measure the hemline length of female auxiliaries’ skirts; if the length was even negligibly shorter than regulation, he would go on a rant calling the woman a “strumpet”.
None of the battles of the Civil War actually occurred. It was a four year vacation for both sides, marked by encounters where both sides decided the outcomes by games of paper, rock and scissors. With the “dead” leaving for Cuba or Canada.
The phrase “rule of thumb” comes from the vast amount of rules, laws, and regulations in the island nation of Thumb. The Emperor of Thumb is very strict and has rules relating to everything from the number of pets allowed in one household to when it can rain (not til after sundown).