My current dumbassery?
I have a lot of “times when you were a dumbass” moments specifically for threads like these. I’m sure my post would be long and amusing…if I could remember any of them. :smack:
I have looked at my car keys in my hand, nodded, tossed them on the seat of my car, nodded to myself again, and then closed the car door. And locked it.
I was running late to a company sponsored class on making presentations and saw that my beard was a little long. I grabbed my clippers and had them at my face when I realized that I had taken the guard off the last time that I used them. In the end, I decided that it would look less obvious to stand in front of a bunch of coworkers with half of a mustache than it would to shave and have a face that was half white and half tan.
This goes back to 10 years ago.
10 years ago, Everquest was new. And glorious. And I had just become seriously addicted.
I still had dial-up back in those dark ages. So lag was frequent. One came to expect it, and just work around it.
As in - “well, I just hit the fireball key. Nothing’s happened yet. I’m sure it cast, I’m just lagged a bit. I’ll start my next action; the network will catch up.”
And it worked. You’d start strafing around the mob, and then suddenly - poof you’d see the fireball land, plus you’d be in the correct position. You were RL lag-correcting.
Anyways.
I had just gotten seriously addicted in early winter 1999. I had just gone home for my first college winter break:
[ul]
[li]one month off[/li][li]no friends around[/li][li]nothing to do but play Everquest[/li][li]on a laggy dial-up connection[/li][/ul]
I was at the tail-end of a six hour session. I could barely see straight. It was the middle of the night, my parents and brother had long since gone to bed. I was hungry. “Chips and salsa!” I thought. “That’d be ace!”
I went to the kitchen. Opened the fridge. Opened the jar of salsa. Got an empty bowl. Attempted to pour some salsa into the bowl. It didn’t move (too cold, too chunky).
Here’s where the story gets bizarre.
So long had I been compensating for lag that I honestly believed that:
- The salsa really did pour into the bowl
- The bowl looks empty, but it’s not
- The “server” will catch up in a minute or two.
I put down the jar of salsa, picked up the empty bowl and exited the kitchen.
I actually made it halfway up the stairs, carrying an empty bowl, my sleep-deprived brain thinking “any second, the salsa will synch and show up in the bowl.”
I tried to pause my daughter with the TiVo remote control.
I have a male friend who, while tipsy, was on the toilet (in other words, he was going #2). He felt a gigantic sneeze coming on, and fortunately, managed to use the toilet paper already at the ready in his hand to sneeze into. Unfortunately, he had already used the toilet paper. I don’t think this counts as dumbassery, though, because of the intoxication.
I cannot laugh too loudly just now as my wife is napping, but this is the funniest thing I’ve read all week.
My wife was in the US, I was in Europe. It was about lunchtime for me and she called me on my mobile. I was walking around the city center running some errands. About 5 minutes into the call, I realized my phone was not in my pocket. In a panic I told her that someone had stolen my phone.
She was able to help me find it… in my left hand next to my ear. 
Tried to unlock the front door with the car remote. I mean, what did I expect, for the porch lights to flash and the house to go ‘bweep, bweep’? :dubious:
I am 56.
I have done both these things. 
I was juggling groceries, keys, phone, and bag one time and basically got the car door open, threw everything on the passenger’s seat, then got in and tried to start the car… with a USB stick. :smack:
About 2 months ago, I drove a fire truck out of the station with a raised equipment door. I did about $3k total in damage to the truck and the building, evenly split.
My desk chair is onethese.
It has this odd tendency to wander off away from where I want it to be when I stand up. You know where this is going, right?
I had only stood long enough to put something on the credenza behind me, went to sit back down and hit the floor. That’s a mistake you make exactly once, I promise you.
Back in the Mapquest days, I was heading out to the suburbs to visit a friend, and I was on the phone with her and looking up the directions online. Found them easy enough, but my printer was out of ink, and I wasn’t sure what to do.
Friend asked, “you can’t just write it down?”
That hadn’t occurred to me.
Droid does.
I was going to post exactly this. Tivo records everything I want to see and I watch it on my own time and ff through commercials.
Yep. Why isn’t this thing smart enough to know which monitor I’m looking at?
I believe you’ve won the thread though. Sadly, I have no problems envisioning doing this myself.
I kept doing that too, but believe it or not they do make house door locks that lock and unlock by a remote. I installed a deadbolt like that on the front door of my old house. What they don’t show in the pics is on the inside of the door is a box about the size of a thin paperback that holds the batteries and such. And of course if the batteries die you can still use a key.
I was reading on my iPhone. A speck of something was on the screen. I went to brush it off, and held the “paper” down with my hand so the page wouldn’t move as I wiped it.
Idiot.
I tried to mute my boyfriend.
That’s so great, I can’t stop giggling.
I’m a graphic designer and general shop-help at a small print shop. When I’m designing on the computer, I spend a lot of time trying something out, deciding I don’t like it, and using the Undo keyboard shortcut. One day I was organizing some things in the shop, and I realized that the box I’d just moved should’ve been left where it was. My fingers instantly tried to hit Undo, despite the fact that there was no keyboard around, and command+z doesn’t work on cardboard boxes. :smack:
This reminds me of the many, many times I’ve been working in Photoshop and tried to get rid of a bit of dust on the screen by using the Eraser tool.
More than once, while walking up the stairs to either the back door or front door of my house, keychain in hand, I have taken the keyless-entry remote from my car, pointed it at the door, and clicked it. It doesn’t open the house, no matter how many times I try.
ETA: I wonder if Half Man Half Wit has the remote for my house, and I have the remote for his.