Reminds me of an old dumbassery of mine. A half mexican-half american young’un was asked how you scored in football (whoever was asking wanted to find out whether the kid would be more familiar with soccer or “American” football).
I obviously butted in, thus rendering the question moot.
“Let the record show counsel’s holdin’ up two fingers!”
Here’s a good one. One day my iPhone battery suddenly died on the train, despite the fact that I remembered charging it the day before. I wondered if that was a known problem or just a fluke. “I’d better Google that,” I thought, as I reached for my iPhone.
And I have tried to start the house with my car keys. 
Wanna know how sad my life is? I learned this at a Wiggles concert.
The water went off in our house the other night. They were working on the line, and would have it back on “in 30 minutes.” Mmmmm hmmm.
So I went ahead and flushed the toilet, thinking the sound of it re-filling would clue me in that the water was back on. I also wisely turned off the automatic ice maker so that the fridge wouldn’t make horrid noises trying to fill during the “off” time.
Forward about 6-7 hours - it’s around 2:30 in the morning and I’m awakened by a hissing much like a steam whistle just before it gets enough pressure to sound. Apparently they had super-pressurized the system when they turned it back on to blow out any air bubbles, etc.
As I rise from my bed to a standing position I hear the water suddenly hit the floor in the bathroom. I open the door and there’s muddy-silty-Mississipi-river-ain’t-got-nothin-on-this water pouring out the back of the toilet. The pressure+thickness had blown apart the innards of the toilet, and water was gushing out onto the floor.
I turned around and took three steps toward the kitchen before I realized that turning the icemaker back on was probably not my top priority at that particular moment in time. . .
:smack:
Oh, yeah, we have blackouts at my house frequently (like, just about every thunderstorm). After 13 years, I still think “No TV? OK, I’ll surf the web. Oh yeah. OK, I’ll turn on the radio. Oh yeah. Well, I’ll read by the lamp. Oh yeah. Well, I’ll–”
This morning, I took the lid off the mouthwash, held it upright in my right hand, and then watched as my left hand inverted the bottle and (with perfect deliberation) emptied the remainder of the mouthwas into the sink.
It was nasty sticky sugary mint-flavoured stuff, instead of proper eucalyptus-and-pain flavoured, so I didn’t weep much over it… but still…
Two coffee-related dumbass stories.
One: I use Half and Half in my morning coffee; my kitty, who is spoiled rotten and loves Half and Half knows this. So every morning, as I am preparing my coffee cup by emptying a couple packets of Splenda into it, my kitty will wander over to the counter and look up at me with his big green eyes, saying “Mama, where is my cream??” When I get down my coffee cup in the morning, I also always get down a small bowl to put kitty’s cream in.
One morning, I had my mug all ready, bowl all ready, bottle of Half and Half at hand, box of Splenda packets at hand. Grab three packets of Splenda out of the box (I use a big mug), and dump the Splenda right into kitty’s bowl. :smack:
Kitty probably doesn’t want his cream sweetened. Moron. Bowl goes in sink, clean one comes out of the cupboard, let’s try this again, shall we?
Another tale of coffee woe (and stupidity); I have a Cuisinart Grind and Brew coffee maker. I like it. I like the fact it fresh-grinds the beans before it makes the coffee. I like the fact that it has a timer, so I can set it to make fresh coffee at 6AM every morning. I’m not so wild about the fact that the parts all have to be washed (or at least well-rinsed) after each use. But I’ve trained myself: each day when I’m done my coffee, if I’m not going to have enough space in my dishwasher, I rinse the parts well and lay them on a dish towel to dry thoroughly.
Later in the day, after the parts are all dry (whether I hand wash them or machine wash them, since my machine is set for “air dry”), I reassemble the coffee maker and set it up for the next morning. The problem happened last Tuesday. I was half-awake when the grinder started making its noise at 6AM. When my alarm went off at 6:05, I pushed the snooze button, contentedly thinking of the fresh-ground-and-brewed coffee that awaited me. When the alarm went off again at 6:12AM, I made my way into the kitchen, only to see the coffee maker carafe still upside down on the kitchen towel. Oh, yeah, the beans were in the coffee maker. But no water! :smack::smack:
Fortunately, the coffee maker also has a setting where you can turn the grinder off. So I was able to do that, add the water, push start, and have coffee less than ten minutes later.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. . .especially without my coffee!
I think I’ll have to get one of those, just so I can stand in front of the car with it, doing that odd little perhaps-it’ll-work-from-this-angle dance in growing frustration…
As for coffee making stupidity, I really think everybody should be given a pass for that. Nobody can reasonably expect a functioning brain at 6 AM without caffeine. I regularly fail epicly at this, too – making either hot water or forgetting to add any, or, a couple of memorable times, both: put water in, turn the machine on, go back down to finish getting dressed; go back upstairs, find the hot water in the pot, curse, add grounds, switch the thing on again, but without pouring the water back.
In our house, when one of us answers for the children, when we are making conversation or checking if our kids know something, the other will say “Ivorykid and ONLY Ivorykid…”. Shamelessly stolen from My Cousin Vinnie.
:smack:Occasionally I hunt all over the house for my glasses and then realizing that I’ve either got them on my face or else they’re dangling from the cord around my neck.
Get one of the balls with sand. It doesn’t roll away.
I got my laptop a few months ago, and was actually excited to get to use it during the last power outage. So I plopped down in my bed and started up Firefox. Hmm… no internet. I figure the modem needs to be reset. So I walked upstairs, FLASHLIGHT IN HAND, and unplugged the modem, waited a few minutes, and plugged it back in. I was halfway back down the stairs before I realized what I just did.
“I got home, put my car keys in the lock and the building started up. So I drove it around for a while. Then I parked it on the median and yelled at all the cards to get the hell out of my driveway.” - Steven Wright (from memory, so may not be exactly as the joke goes)
Well, the iPhone cigarette lighter is a third-party app, it’s not built-in. That’s where the OP went wrong.
I’ve done the exact same thing with ctrl-C on one machine, ctrl-V on an adjacent one, and not getting quite the results I expected :smack:.
10:15 this morning, at work, filling my travel mug with boiling hot water for tea. Just kind of standing there, reading all the idiotic passive aggressive notes posted around the coffee area for the mouthbreathers that apparently can’t handle making a pot of coffee… and became one of those mouthbreathers.
All I had to do was hold the cup, but I not only dropped it, I managed to sort of flip it around in this fantastic spinning arc that got the boiling water all over the carafes, the counter, the cupboard doors, my shoes and my thighs. OW. Thank goodness it missed my crotch.
This morning I was on my way to work and I walked down into the subway entrance and tried to go through the turnstile and bruised the hell out of my hip when it didn’t turn. What the hell? Oh yeah, I need to swipe my card so the turnstile knows I want to get through. :smack:
One evening I decided to do the dishes so I turned the hot water tap on full blast and began filling the sink. Then, as I was placing dishes in the water, my hand passed under the stream from the tap and I received a mild electrical shock.
Well, these dishes really needed to be done, so I kept on washing and rinsing and kept on getting the mild shock. In my mind, what was happening was impossible, so I wasn’t overly concerned.
What had happened was a large aluminum pot was poised directly against a new electrical outlet we had installed when we had the house rewired and atop part of the basin. The pot was drawing current from the outlet which traveled to the stainless steel sink and then into the stream of water from the tap.
Nowadays, I check to make sure my dishes are not plugged in before I wash them.
There are many.
I made myself a couple of nice ham and cheese sandwiches one day. I meant to grab the cheese paper and toss it in the trash. I threw away the mostly full packet of ham instead.
Or when I ate the last slice of pizza and almost put the empty box in the dishwasher.
My friends and I were out. We’d just left for somewhere and were in the car. I always do a mental patdown to make sure I have everything. Wallet, check. Cell phone, check. Keys? Not in my pocket. “I think I forgot my keys,” I said. We were in my car. I was driving. My friends quickly pointed out that fact to me then and still do several years later.
you have a serious deadly hazard that you should fix. there should be no current flowing to an object not plugged into the hot side of the outlet which is like more than 1/4 inch inside.
in the USA that outlet should be a GFI receptacle that would prevent that.
you should have an electrician look at it, maybe not the one that put the outlet in.
I’ve tried pausing tv shows that were obviously not DVDs. It never freaking works.
I’m 44. :eek: