More Jokes...

A nun is walking by a riverside. She sees a little boy fishing near a dam, and walks up to him. There’s a bucket next to the boy, containing a fish the boy just caught.

The nun asks the boy, “little boy, what kind of fish is that ?”.

The boy replies, “It’s a goddam fish ma’am !”

The nun is astonished, and says, “you can’t use that profane language near me ! I’m a nun !”
Boy says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. See, I just call it a goddam fish because God created it, and I caught it near the dam. Hence, a god-dam fish.”

The nun’s face clears up, “ooo what a beautiful analogy, I’m glad you appreciate the good Lord’s work !”

As a goodbye gift, the boy gives the fish to the nun.

The nun walks back to the ministry. Upon arrival, she sees Mother Superior sitting in the yard.

“Mother Superior, I brought us a fish for dinner !”

M.S. replies, “O good, we’ve got the Priest coming over for dinner tonight. That fish will come in handy. What sort of fish is it ?”

The nun says it’s a god-dam fish. Of course, Mother Superior nearly faints, “Sister Mary ! How dare you use that foul language on these premises ! This is a HOLY place !”

“No, no, you don’t understand”, the nun replies, and proceeds to explain the nature of the name “god-dam” fish as elaborated upon by the fisher boy.

Mother Superior, too, is delighted by such creative use of words, and is at ease again.

That night, the Priest visits the ministry for dinner. He is shown to his seat, and after the wine is poured, he is offered the fish by Mother Superior.

The Priest says, “O good ! I love fish. Say, what kind of fish is this ?”

Mother Superior explains, “It’s a GODDAM fish !”

The Priest replies, laughingly, “I’m glad we’re loosening up a bit around here ! Now could someone please pass me the fucking butter ?”


Coldfire


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

A priest and a rabbi are sitting on a park bench watching a gang of kids play baseball.

The priest leans over to the rabbi and whispers, Whadda ya say we go screw a couple of those little boys?"

The rabbi asks, “Out of what?”


“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

TO: My Boss
FROM: Blondie
RE: Changing calendars for Y2K

I hope that I haven’t misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:

Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk

I also changed all the days of each week to:

Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak

We are now Y to K compliant. I spoke to the printer yesterdak, and the calendars should arrive todak.

Attending a company picnic with her family, a woman entered the sack race, and won. Later though, she wondered why her co-workers were smirking at her. She found out when she heard her young son pointing her out and proudly announcing that his momma had won “the jump in the sack contest”.

Here’s an oldie but goldie for ya:

Four nuns are killed in a fiery car wreck. They line up at the gates of heaven in single file. St Peter says to #1 “You’ve seen a penis before, haven’t you?” #1 replies “Yes, I have, but I immediatly looked away because I knew it was wrong.” St Peter says “Well, you may enter unto the gates of heaven after you’ve rinsed your eyes in that holy water over there.” She does.

#2 steps forward and St Peter says “You’ve touched a penis before, haven’t you?” She say “Yes I have, but I immediatly let go because I knew it was wrong.” St Peter says “OK, rinse you hands in the holy water over there and you may enter unto the gates of heaven.”

With that, #4 pushes #2 and #3 out of the way and takes a mouthful of the holy water and begins to gargle it.

St Peter says “What’d ya go and do that for?” and she replies “I wanted to get here before #3 stuck her ass in it.”

Therealbubba

What’s black and comes in little white cans?

Michael Jackson.