Mormon married to Muslim - interfaith marriages

In My Humble Opinion
21

Excuse me! ! ! :dubious:

Maybe you didn’t sign any official documents or anything, but by accepting membership in the LDS church, you agreed to accept and live by its principles, which both explicitly and implicitly reject other religions (remember the First Vision?).

You are going to have to make a choice. You must choose either your family or your religion. As Christ said in Matthew 10:35-39,

If you choose to return to the practice of Islam to placate your wife and your family, that is your choice, but don’t try to convince yourself or anyone else that by doing so you are continuing to follow LDS doctrine or honor your temple covenants.

22

With your wife, it is. I think you should have let her know; she has a right to know what she’s getting into. Since this is an arranged marriage, you may not see it this way, but I think you have infringed upon her free agency by not telling her, thus letting her make her choice without full knowledge. (OK, no one ever has full knowledge when getting married, but this is something most people want to know first.) Now you have a serious problem that may poison your married life, and you have to deal with it. Wouldn’t it have been a little easier to deal with it before the wedding?

Although you don’t have to formally renounce other faiths when converting to the LDS Church, and we believe that Mohammed was partly inspired by God (along with Luther and other Reformationists, for all you non-Mormons out there), it’s pretty much logically impossible to be a believing Muslim and a believing, temple-going Saint. If you think Mohammed was the Seal of the Prophets, then you can’t sustain the prophet now. And vice versa.

I have no idea what to say to this, other than that you might want to talk with your bishop. And pray a lot.

23

Can I ask how old you are?

24

I’d like to add to what genie wrote. (BTW, it might be germane to the discussion that she and I are a married couple–married in the temple, active LDS.)

I am stunned by this. Really. IMO (of course) she had the reasonable expectation that she would be marrying a practicing Muslim. By not clearly stating this, you are deceiving her. Certainly this doesn’t constitute being honest with your fellow man (or woman). Secondly I have to wonder if the marriage is legal (at least in the USA). Most countries AFAIK require both parties to be present for the ceremony, even the civil one.

Second, I’m shocked that someone who is active LDS would so easily give up on teaching his children what he ostensibly believes is the truth. Especially a temple worker who believes in the eternal family. Doubly especially to marry someone who you don’t even know well enough to know whether she knows you’re a practicing Muslim or not.

25

I believe you really should address a few issues before this young lady arrives here, to avoid her getting the shock of her life.

  1. Did you sign a statement purporting that you are a believing Muslim? I ask this because a gentleman I knew years ago had to do that very thing when he married a Muslim woman in Iran. For him, it was no problem because he really did convert to Islam.

  2. Is the young lady in question your wife already or is she entering the US on a fiancee visa? If so, then you will be required to marry her within a certain time, IIRC that’s 6 months. Failing that, her entry visa expires and she is no longer eligible for the family-member immigration.

  3. Did you marry her back in her home country? If so, did you inform her that you are a Christian? If not, did you sign a statement purporting that you are a believing Muslim?

  4. Did you inform her or her family that you are a Christian? If not, what do you expect her reaction to be when she discovers that by Prophet you mean the leader of a particular Christian sect and not Muhammed (PBUH)?

  5. If you believe that the teachings of Islam are correct where they conflict with the teachings of the LDS church, why do you continue with motions of being LDS? Is it because of your family?

  6. You said, “The marriage was performed under Muslim laws, standards, and customs, which I recognize as valid and binding.” By that, do you mean that it was arranged without the two of you actually having met yet? You also may be confusing cultural customs with religious customs and marriage laws. Have you gone through the necessary hoops with the BCIS to have her issued a spousal visa or did you apply for a fiancee visa?

  7. You also said, “if one’s born a Muslim, one dies a Muslim, even if he/she converts, apostasizes, etc.” That’s not correct. If one converts away from Islam, then one is considered an apostate. If you kept that little bit of information from her and her family, especially from her, then…well…

I’m with Bibliovore here: you need to address each and every one of those questions with your wife (or fiancee if you haven’t contracted the marriage yet). I recommend you start with, “Oh, honey, did I tell you that I am a practicing Christian?” Most of all, she deserves and is entitled to honesty. What you’ve described so far above does not provide that to her. If any of the answers to the above prove to her (or to her government or the BCIS) that the marriage is invalid or not forthcoming, then you’ve just played with the entire life and future of another adult human.

BTW, I am a practicing Christian. LDS, to be be exact.

26

Rereading this thread, I’m getting the impression that I should rephrase one of the queries I posed above:

Should now be:

5a) If you believe that the teachings of Islam are correct where they conflict with the teachings of the LDS church, why do you continue with motions of being LDS?

5b) Have you told YOUR family that you are now a practicing Christian?
[/quote]

27
  1. What about all the temple work being done? Some of us might consider that the ordinances are now being performed by someone who does not hold the priesthood authority to do so.
28

I don’t really want to get into a debate on this, as it’s far from my strong point and I am not muslim in any way, shape or form, but you should be aware that this belief is by no means universal throughout islam. There seems to be contention as to the translation of a particular passage of the Quran - some people claim it states that Mohammed is the last prophet, some say that it does not in fact claim him to be the last. e.g. The Ahmadiyya sect of muslims. So it is certainly possible to reconcile islam with the idea of other prophets, even if LDS / Muslim beliefs may run into other problems.

As to the OP… I’m afraid I’m drawing a blank on helpful advice. All I can reccomend is that being honest and open with all parties concern and things will probably turn out for the best. It may not be a comfortable solution, but it’s usually the best one.

I wouldn’t presume to judge your beliefs - as long as you are happy with them, that’s what matters.

29

If you have no objection to her praying, keeping a Halal home, and raising any children you have as Muslims.

If you do not expect her to attend church with you, or have religious meetings in your home, which she is expected to attend.

If you will perform any religious duties expected of a Muslim husband and father (you have already said you have no objection to doing so).

If you make no effort to convert her, and do not allow others to do so either.

If, in other words, you keep your religious faith within boundaries so that it does not impinge on hers, any problems can be overcome.

Best wishes for a long and happy marriage.

30

First of all, I want you to understand that I, in now way, am passing judgment or criticizing or judging you, your situation, your family, or decision to mix your religious beliefs or anything else!

Ever since I first read this thread a few days ago, I’ve been thinking I should tell you this story. I’m not really sure if it will make sense to you, but to me, it does connect with your situation. I hope I’ll be able to put it into words so that you’ll be able to see the connection I see.

My sister is a Christian (not LDS, never has been and never will be. She happens to have very strong feelings against the religion) who married a Muslim from Palestine. From what I understand it was a traditional ceremony held in Pasadena, California. Our family was not invited to attend. I don’t know enough about the religion to know if my perception is correct or not, but I remember hearing something about non Muslims were not permitted to attend… something like LDS temple sealings being reserved for worthy LDS members only.

My sister studied the religion and customs and made a home that Ali could be happy in. They opened a Middle Eastern Restaurant and they both worked long hours.

Pretty soon, my sis found herself pregnant and gave birth to a boy. She gave birth to another boy 13 months later. When the younger boy was 6 months old, my ex bil took both boys from my sister and sent them to live with his parents so they would be raised in his culture. My sister did everything she could to get the boys back. I remember she even when over there for 1 1/2 years but there is such a close nit community there, they sent the boys “underground” and she was never able to even find them to see them. Everyone with the correct surname was put in jail, yet the boys could not be found.

By the time my sister was successful in getting the boys back, they were in their 20s.

What is my point? The parents where certainly hurt by the situation, but what is really sad to me is the boys were the ones really hurt. They were raised believing their mother didn’t want them.

Yes, I do understand that not all parents do such things, and I’m not about to suggest that this specific thing would happen to your children. But what I do want to point out is that your children, both the ones you have now and the ones you may have with your new wife will be hurt if you are not completely honest with your new wife.

I know it’s not the same situation as trying to mix religions/cultures, but when I married my husband, we were very honest about our religious differences. I’m LDS… my husband was at one time, but left the church. It works for us because we are honest about our beliefs and both work to understand and accept those beliefs and not attempt to change the other person.

Please… keeps the kids in mind!

Kathy

31

We have a world of problems here.

Sorry bubaloo, that is not the view of most Muslims., as you should know if your family is Muslim.

Being an Xian (or Mormon) and being Muslim do not go together and if you have dodged this point with your new wife (to be?) you have (a) done her a great disservice and (b) gotten her into a situation of commiting a grave sin that is of no trivial concern to her co-religionists. Most Muslims today would not stone you too to death, but you ain’t going to be getting no respect with your fairly self-serving line of reasoning.

Now I believe you’re in the states, this may never be an issue, but your bride should have a good idea as to your actual belief system.

To you, it ain’t gonna fly with most Muslims if you still practice Mormon rites.

In re the issue of Muhammed being the last prophet: there is no ambiguity to that, the Quranic statement is quite clear in Arabic. Now Ahmadiya, Druze, and other offshoots work their way around that, but don’t expect your Sunnis or Shiites to accept the idea that Mormon prophetic revelation can be squared with being a Muslim. Respecting it is one thing, accepting it as Halal and reconcilable with being a Muslim, no.

Now if the girl in question is okay with a quirky approach to all this, and is fully informed, then go for it. But don’t fudge things, it will get you in a world of problems.

Finally the thing mentioned above in re non-Muslims not being able to attend Muslim wedding was pure dupery on the part of the man who married her sister. I’ve attended lots of Muslim weddings here in the Middle East, and those inviting me usually think of me as Xian - my fundamental irreligiousity being something I do not cop to in general.

Muslim and Xian Arabs regularly and happily attend each other’s weddings and are even known to visit each other’s religious sites.

32

Well, look on the bright side of things - she doesn’t get to drink alcohol either. :slight_smile:

33

Collounsbury:

I really get the feeling that WRS hasn’t told his own family that he’s a practicing Christian. He allowed them to go ahead and arrange a marriage for him which both families (obviously both Muslim) considered to be a good match.

It appears that he has also kept some important information from his church: that he considers himself to be a member of another religious tradition, that he has entered into a marriage possibly under some false pretenses, and that he considers Muhammed to be one of the line of prophets in that church’s tradition and that he considers Joseph Smith Jr and subsequent presidents of the Church to be a continuation of the line of prophets of Islam.

I fear that he’s considered an apostate by two faiths, and he’s performing ordinances for the members of one of those faiths. That’s not only playing selfishly with the life of the young lady concerned, but also with the spiritual future (in their view) of those going through the temple rites.

Hey, if he wants to start a faith where all that’s reconcilable, more power to him. But to abuse the living and the dead…well, Bibliovore and you already said what that is.

I’m really interested in what his answers to the questions above are.

34

Collounsbury: Could you describe the Muslim view of apostasy?

35

I’ m not sure I could do this justice. As a general matter, denying any of the five pillars validity is apostasy. That usually means, except for extremists, out and out vocal denial and repudiation. Also taking other prophets after Muhammed is generally so considered, as well as conversion to another religion, be it one of the book or not.

All in all, our friend has gotten him and his bride into a pickle.

It’s not the mix and match religion, I’m utterly irreligious myself and could care less, but lots of people do care and unless there is honesty and transparency in the issue he is in for a world of problems. I’ve done intercultural marriage before and I can say keeping things back does not lay a positive basis for the future. Now he may not want to hear this, but frankly I think this marriage is fucked as is.

36

I keep waiting for more information. From the very first time I read this OP, I thought how totally inconceivable it is. I keep thinking (or maybe that’s hoping) the man will provide more information that will shine more light on the situation and it won’t be so unrealistic.

In the absence of that happening, I’m now wondering if this is a troll at work.

If this is all the information and it’s not a “troll attack”, then this situation is, IMHO, just what Collounsbury said:

The poor woman is arriving TODAY and has no clue what she’s walking into! :eek: :mad:

::Scampering off shaking my head mumbling under my breath::

Kathy

37

Yeah, Kathy, I keep thinking that if I was this woman and found out about this, I’d turn right around and head straight back for home.

38

Me too genie!

39

I have no clue why you think that.

(bolding mine)

Sounds to me like he’s had extensive discussions with his family on the subject. While I obviously can’t speak for LDS or Muslim folks, I sure have no problem with his comfortable self-identification with more than one way of practicing religion.

All the best with your new wife, WeRSauron. I wish you long lasting happiness.

40

First of all, let me extend my belated apologies if my previous remarks caused offense. However I still stand by my statement that any deliberate deceit is unpardonable. You might see you relationship with God as purely your own business, but your religion is also your wife’s business, especially if you haven’t told her what that religion is.

I sincerely hope that your marriage works, but as it stands at the moment, your wife would have every right to divorce you under Sharia law.