Mormon rules on sex

[taddycat]

In a discussion yesterday, a coworker made the assertion that “good” Mormons only have sex for procreation, meaning not only that they don’t use birth control, but that they don’t have sex after menopause. I don’t buy this, but had no way to debunk it, not knowing much about the LDS religion. Any help?

[MEBuckner]

Well, there’s nothing on the All About Mormons site specifically about sex after menopause. According to the Teaching About Procreation and Chastity page on that site, “sex has two basic purposes: first, to enable us to have children to fulfill God’s command to “be fruitful, and multiply” (Genesis 1:28), and second, to express that special kind of love shared between a husband and a wife.” So, sex after menopause would seem to be okay, as an expression of that “special kind of love shared between a husband and a wife”. After all, Mormons believe in Eternal Marriage, which obviously wouldn’t end at menopause. On the other hand, Sex in Marriage warns against getting too frisky here, even within marriage:

Sex is for procreation and expression of love. It is the destiny of men and women to join together to make eternal family units. In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love."

The union of the sexes, husband and wife (and only husband and wife), was for the principal purpose of bringing children into the world. Sex experiences were never intended by the Lord to be a mere plaything or merely to satisfy passions and lusts. We know of no directive from the Lord that proper sex experience between husbands and wives need be limited totally to the procreation effort, but we find much evidence from Adam until now that no provision was ever made by the Lord for indiscriminate sex.

Sexual relations in marriage are not unrestrained. Even though sex can be an important and satisfactory part of married life, we must remember that life is not designed just for sex. Even marriage does not make proper certain extremes in sexual indulgence. To the Ephesian saints Paul begged for propriety in marriage: “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” (Ephesians 5:28.) And perhaps the Lord’s condemnation included secret sexual sins in marriage, when he said: “And those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God.” (D&C 132:52.)

If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not condone it." (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p.311-12, emphasis original)

And masturbation, premarital sex, and premarital passionate kissing are all definite no-no’s.

Note that this stuff isn’t from the official website of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Possibly the people who run the “All About Mormons” site are members of Mormonism’s Loon Fundamentalist Fringe; I don’t know.

[pepperlandgirl]

Well this Mormon has always been taught that sex in marriage is not only a beautiful thing, but one of the most sacred things on Earth. It should be used for pro-creation, since the Family is the most importart part of God’s plan, but there is absolutely no reason why it can’t be used as a way to express and share love in a marriage from day one until the day you get called back to God.

[pluto]

I think the “only for procreation” question has been adequately addressed but in answer to the specific practices alleged in the OP: There is no prohibition against sex after menopause OR against birth control.

From my (former bishop**) point of view the no-sex-after-menopause notion falls into the “how can people believe these things” category, but the birth control issue is a little more complex. The LDS church does not presume to dictate how many children a couple should or should not have. That is a decision for the husband and wife to make. However, the church certainly teaches that the family is the most important institution on earth and that children are a blessing from God. This is frequently seen by members as encouraging large families, which is true enough. Occasionally, overzealous members extrapolate this idea into something like the notions brought up in the OP, but this is, IMO, a classic case of “looking beyond the mark”. But it is a common enough notion, even among Mormons, that birth control is expressly forbidden. It is not.

**I always hesitate to call myself a “former bishop” because non-LDS readers might assume that I was fired for malfeasance or something. Bishops in the LDS church are not paid for their service and are asked to serve for an indefinite period, which usually turns out to be about five years. In my case it was almost exactly five years, ending about three years ago. I’m still a member in good standing. I now teach an early-morning seminary class to high school students.