Please reassure me that I am not the only one that embarrassing things happen to on a regular basis. This doesn’t hold a candle to my Most Embarrassing Moment, but it’s a lot more fresh in my mind.
After work on Friday I stopped into Best Buy to get some blank video tapes for the recording of Iron Chef. Of course the CDs were on the way to the tapes, so I meandered around looking to see if there was anything new out that I should own. Finally I got around to the tapes and spent
a while selecting a high-quality 2-pack, then went back up front and paid for them. I was all the way back to my car again, deep in the bowels of the parking lot, when a woman in a van (and god bless her) pulled up beside me and said, “You have tissue paper hanging out of the back of your pants.” Yeah. It seems then after going to the bathroom
at work on my way out, and lining the seats as I always do, I managed to pull some paper up with my pants. I told my sister about this last night, and through her tears of laughter she managed to get out that I was probably on the security cameras like that. Yay for me! So that’s one store I won’t go back to for a while.
I was thinking about this incident this morning, and when I walked into the stall at work, there was what looked to be dried vomit on the seat. So I feel entirely justified for lining the suckers, even if it resulted in piping hot public humiliation.
Anybody else out there have this sort of thing happen recently?
Last week, I was going to an interview that I had in another building (I got the job, by the way! Woo!), so I’m walking down the street, all dressed up in my fancy-schmancy interview clothes, which consisted of a black skirt and a cream colored silk blouse, the top two buttons of which I had left unbuttoned, because I felt only leaving one unbuttoned looked kind of dorky. So, I cross the street, and I’m waiting at the light to cross another street, and I notice that I need to adjust my shoe, so I bend down to adjust it, and my cigarettes fall out of my purse. I don’t notice this, and I continue to blithely await the walk signal, when this man in a car sitting at the intersection leans out the window and yells, “hey! you dropped your smokes!” So I look down and see that I had indeed dropped my smokes, so I bend over and pick them up. Then, the light changes and I continue on my way. As I’m walking, this same guy leans out his window and yells something at me, I didn’t quite catch it at the time, so I just smile and nod. (Note: When strange men yell things at you from passing vehicles, it’s not a good idea to smile and nod. It’s usually not a good thing.) So, I continue walking, and it hits me what the guy had yelled: “Thanks for the tit show!” I must have turned absolutely crimson. I had forgotten that I was wearing a shirt that would be quite revealing when I bend down. The fact that I actually smiled and nodded at the pig makes it sooo much worse. I just hope I didn’t get the job because of my slutty shirt…heh.
This happened last year, but it still comes back to me in nightmares:
I was going out of town, so I had to buy extra cat food for my cat-sitter. Well, for the cats . . . You know what I mean. Anyway, there I was at the grocery store, and the deaf old lady who “helps” you pack your bags was packing can after can after can after can of cat food. She finally looked up at me and said in loud ringing tones, “MY GOODNESS—YOU MUST HAVE AN ENORMOUS PUSSY!”
Not to me, but it is something I saw that might
make you feel better. I live across the street
from a church. One Sunday morning, I noticed a
lady wearing a very pretty dress. I walked by
her and turned around to see the back of it. It
had a split skirt, AND HALF OF IT WAS CAUGHT IN
HER PANTYHOSE! I mean, her check was hanging out!
What I did: I waited till she finished her
conversation with the gentleman she was talking
to (and fortunately facing), then I walked up to
her and whispered “Excuse me, but I think you’d
like to know. The back of your dress is caught in
your pantyhose.”
She walked up to a car and looked in the rear
view mirror. Then she blushed brick red, stood
with her back to the car, and did a little dance
as she adjusted her skirt, all the while saying
“Thank you. Thank you.” I said “Well, I knew you
didn’t want to walk into church looking like
that.” It was my good deed for the day.
Here’s one. I walked into Target the other day and failed to notice the plastic yellow “Caution Wet Floor Sign” posted near the door. I stode confidently onto the wet linoleum with my Chuck Taylor Converses, slipped like a rhino on Rollerblades, and fell right on my ass. Every head in sight turned to face me, and there was a nanosecond of surprised silence. Then one wiseguy in the nearest checkout line broke into applause, which caused every customer (as well as some employees who tried unsuccessfully to hide it) to break into raucous laughter. Instead of burrowing into the ground like I so desparately wanted, I stood up, took a bow, and continued on my way. BTW, I recieved 10’s across the board with a 9.5 from the Russian judge.
I had been sick for the past few days before my ‘embarrasing moment’. Since I was feeling so frumpy, I had dressed nicely and had high heel boots on. I went to work to pick up my check. I was feeling lightheaded the whole day. As I stepped up the curb going to the entrance to my office building, I kind of did a ‘trip foward onto my knees’ in front of three men smoking.
Next thing I know out comes flying an HR lady screaming “OH MY GOD ARE YOU OK?” I of course have to sink my head into my shoulders and recover myself as the loathsome ‘men’ just stood there smirking at me.
I asked a young female co-worker to lunch the other day, and she agreed to go. Well, I offered to drive and being the gentleman that I am, when we got to my truck I unlocked her door first. Now, as I was walking around to the driver side of my truck it suddenly hit me ---- I had porn-videos sitting on the front seat that I had intended to drop off at the video store on my way home from work. I just wanted to die, because I knew I was busted. I shyly opened the door and my face was BRIGHT red, so much so that I could feel my face burning. Well she didn’t say anything, but it was painfully obvious that she had read the titles on the tapes(I won’t elaborate, but they were pretty explicitly titled), because she was a bit flustered. Lunch was obviously awkwad and brief. I must state for the record that I do not regularly rent spank material (hey, there’s enough freely available on the web), but I was on the verge of making a “booty call” to my ex-girlfriend one night, and I thought videos would ultimately be a better option.
Anyway, the lunch date hasn’t said much of anything to me recently, and I’m sure she’s spread the word that I’m a perverted sicko — BUT I can’t be the ONLY one who rents that stuff. I mean, my local video store has hundreds of them in it’s backroom, and SOMEBODY has to be renting that stuff on a regular basis.
Come on! It was a funny story, but it’d be down right hilarious if you filled us in on what the titles that she read were.
That scene in ‘Clerks’ where he reads off all the porn titles still cracks me up no matter how many times I’ve seen it. Why are the titles on pornos so cheezy???
Maybe you didn’t catch the part where I said “ex-girlfriend” or perhaps you are just not familiar with the post break-up phenomenom where you know there was an EXTREMELY good reason for why you broke up with the person but the physical aspect of the relationship still beckons…