In a broom closet of the Saint Paul Civic Center during an REM concert.
In a gas station bathroom. Fortunately I worked there and one of my jobs was cleaning said bathroom. And I had just finished that task so I knew it was clean.
The shower is my regular haunt. Roman showers are the bestest!
Oh, that’s right. Oral sex, but not to completion in the kitchen, and sex in the winter bedroom once. Gotta count for something, right?
Sun Notch at Crater Lake National Park. It was a 10-mile round trip on snowshoes, as the rim road was still closed by deep drifts. The air temp was in the 70’s, though, and it was totally worth it, even counting the sunburn.
Hood of a car…movie theater…top of a picnic table…living room floor of someone else’s house (yes, they were home)…bed of a pickup truck…balcony of an apartment…a city park…
Oh yeah…and the kitchen!
In a practice room adjoined to the music room during ninth grade music class.
On a slide, in a play park at two in the morning.
Behind a “U” of bushes in a public park at two in the afternoon.
I got a blowjob in the dressing room off the school stage during fourth period lunch.
I got laid in the other dressing room after school. (Not the same day)
In a swimming pool with another couple on the other side of the pool pretending to not be doing it also.
On the floor of a friends apartment while another couple did it about five feet away.
I had a threesome in the hot tub of a condo complex. (I’m sure the security guard who was watching the security camera had a good time also)
Just to show it runs in the family my older brother once did it in the back of a public bus.
And to color you impressed my best friend did it in the bushes in Disney World during the fireworks.
Life can be good sometimes.
Well, lemme see…
Actual tab-a slot-b ‘stuff’
On a picnic table in a public park at dusk.
In the back of a moving pick-up truck.
On the hosebed of a fire truck.
On the tarmac of a small local airport up against someone elses plane.
In the mental ward at a defunct hospital
In a hot tub with a dozen other people in and around doing the same thing.
The sybaris (a sex motel)
In the back of the car that my then girlfriends’ mother was driving
While driving (given and rec’d, road head rules)
In a haunted house/On a haunted trail.
In a theater
In the woods
In various parking lots, car washes, cemetaries, and restaurants
In an old (but still in-service) police cruiser (prior to my LE career)
If I think of anymore, I’ll be back. You’re right, cadabra, life is good.
On a camping trip to Lake Roosevelt with my SO’s family. We snuck off up one of the nearby hills and discovered the perfect spot.
In a pool at SO’s house. With everyone who was home inside the house.
A handjob in the stairwell of a trendy restaurant at my prom.
In the confessional of an Episcopal church. Not during services though.
Does masturbating count? A convent.
Under a tree.
In the back of an ambulance. While it was in motion. No, not with the patient, ya pervs-with a female EMT during the return trip from the hospital.
In the snow.
We started off standing with her bent over. She wanted to face me so I held her up by the hips as she reclined in mid-air. When my arms got tired I laid her down right in the snow. After a while she complained about her cold back, but I jokingly said, “Stop whining”. Whereupon she wrapped herself around me and flipped us over.
The sudden cold on my ass caused me to refexively shoot my hips upward.
For both of us.
Not to mention she went flying.
We didn’t finish.
Oh, well. (sigh)
Fourth grade boy’s restroom (during Spring Break, no kids around).
Either in a hot tub or in the garage of a house that was under construction.
My old girlfriend and I were on our way home from holiday and she decided I needed a pick-me-up from driving. A quick unzip and her head was on my lap. After a few minutes we’re in bumper to bumper traffic and she’s still bobbing her head up and down. I’m trying to focus on the road and her mouth and manage to find time to give a quick wink to those who realize whats going on.
A bit later I’m going nuts. I’m about to go over when I have to focus on driving. It’s really hard to work a stick shift while a girl covers it with her body.
Enough is enough I think. I decide to pull over under an overpass and let her finish me off. Blinker on. Merge over. Stop. I try to focus real hard and let it go.
We’re not parked a minute when a cop pulls up behind us.
I was so close. Now I have to get my brain in order.
As calm as possible I start going “there’s a cop. there’s a cop”. She thinks I mean a cop passing us. She shrugs it of.
I briefly de-evolve into a whispering caveman. “BEHIND US. COP. WALKING THIS WAY. POLICEMAN. HERE.”
The cop gets to see her head leave my lap as he walks up to the car.
I roll down my window. My face must have been the colour of a beet. “Hi.”
“What seems to be the problem?”
My girlfriend is trying REAL HARD to nonchalantly wipe her mouth and not start laughing. I’m trying real hard to not get a ticket, cover my open fly and exposed penis with my arm and keep from cracking up.
“Umm, the car started making a weird noise and overheat so I thought I’d pull out of traffic, wait for it to cool, then work my way to the next exit.”
Ohhh. That was a good one. I’m quite proud of myself.
“Hmmmm? Can I see your drivers license, registration and insurance?”
I manage to untuck my shirt as I lean forward to fetch my wallet. At least that’s one problem (literally) covered. My girlfriend, still about to bust out laughing, gets the other papers from the glove box. I hand them over.
The cop takes a look at the papers, a quick look at me, bends down to have a glance at my girlfriend and says (with a raised eyebrow and smirk that says he knows damn well what was going on but he’s going to give us a break) “Why don’t you turn your car over. Let’s have a listen”
I turn the key and the car purrs.
“Sounds good now. Why don’t you guys head on home”
He hands me my papers, gets in his car and drives off.
My girlfriend and I lose it.
This is also the day I learn my girlfriend not only has a thing for sex in public but an even bigger thing for getting caught having sex in public. We spend the rest of the drive home with our hands down each others pants. At the house we damn near rip the door off the hinges.
The bags in the trunk didn’t make it inside until the next morning - we both dragged them inside walking a bit funny.
On a pool table! (my all-time fantasy)
On the toilet (with the lid closed!)
In my SO’s mother’s SUV
On a 4-wheeler in a public 4-wheeling track
On the side of the road, with the car doors open so no passers-by could see anything
In my SO’s front yard
In a shed, with my best friend right next to me
Between two docks at Seneca Lake at about 3 in the afternoon
My SO’s best friend’s bed – while his best friend was in the other room and the best friend’s parents were in the house
My dorm room, with my roommate beating on the door to be let in (not my fault she forgot her key)
I’m sure there are others, but I can’t think of any right now.