My father severely abused me as a child. My mother mentally abused me. Whenever (past, not recently) this was brought up, she’d go on her endless rants about the man and completely ignore her own behavior. Since even now, at those same ages (me 53, mother 77), my mother’s life is 99.5% complaining about him and life in general. It’s depressing and we (her children) have to limit our exposure to it.
The stupid part is that she was doing this same crap about 25 years ago when my sister finally yelled at her (with our father in the next room);
“If you hate the man so much, then DIVORCE HIM. Otherwise SHUT UP ALREADY!”
Sadly, not a damn thing has changed in all those years.
The real question to be asking yourself, I think, is why do you keep going to the well, when you know the water’s poisoned?
Answering that question could help you find the resolution you’re seeking. But you’re running out of time. Any modicum of resolution will be much harder to find your way to, once she’s gone, in reality.
Whilst I’m sorry that you suffered abuse as a child, and your mother seems reluctant to admit her role in the perpetuating of that abuse, there comes a time when you have to let that shit go.
Geebus, you’re in your 50’s now, and your mum is now in her twilight years? C’mon…build a bridge, acknowledge the good stuff your mum did during your years with her, and just get over the imperfections we all have as human beings.
Being angry now is not going to help you move forward into YOUR twilight years and it sure as shit ain’t gonna have any impact on your mum. Is it worth it??
Or, cut your losses and as someone said upthread, quit going back to the same poisoned well. If the only connection you have with your mother is anger over the past, then you just don’t need that in your life.