Mother fucking God damnit

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m so fucking pissed right now that I’ve got that tense feeling in my stomach.

Fucking, I came home today in order to pick up my shit, mail, magazines, extra clothes, shit like that (thanks, Cheryl!). I also decided to burn off all my mp3s, Netscape presets, programs I can’t replace, etc., on to discs so dad can have his HD space back.

FUCKING GOD DAMNED ADAPTEC keeps fucking cutting out on me after 9%-15% done. Fucking running perfectly, at 100%, then suddenly, BOOM it fucking quits. GODDAMN IT! I ruined about 6 CDs trying to figure out WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with it! Both drives disconnected, swap file set to the same HD as the one being copied from, everything turned off, blah blah FUCKING BLAH but it still keeps giving out like a fucking bitch!

OKAY, fuck that. I can do it later. Might as well check my POP mail, the boards, and my newsgroups. WELL, after the GODDAMNED dial up fucking piece of SHIT ISP gets done buttfucking it’s grandmother, FOR HALF A GODDAMN HOUR, I can get on! No, seriously, it’s not even worthless fucking AOL. It’s a local one. Apparently, half his modems fucking ring and ring and ring because he’s an stupid piece of shit and couldn’t run an ISP correctly is he grew a fist out of his anus and punched his mother with it. They fucking ring until their little hearts give out (or my head explodes in a bloody fucking mess, whichever’s first), but when one of his God forsaken modems DOES answer, it fucking loops and just goes “eeee-ewwwww, eeee-ewwww” for a fucking eternity. John Grimes, I’m going to hunt you down and slice the tendons in your legs, then drag you behind my car with a 50lb weight on your chest and a sharp rock in your colon.

GODDAMN IT MOTHER FUCKER!

If anyone has a problem with this, GO FUCK YOURSELF you whiney piece of sewer rat shit. You fucking slimy, hydrocephalic donkey penis. I’ll punch a hole in your stomach and pour Coca Cola in your eyes after piercing your eardrums with an ice pick.

Fucking shit for brains.

–Mother fucking TIM

2

No problem here. No, really.

3

I see the anger management classes are paying off, Tim.

4

Now thats funny!

5

I see Tim signed up for the Dale Carnegie course. Good show!

Seriously, sorry life is still sucking. Keep fighting the good fight, man.

Zette

Oh, and thanks for this gem:

6

Someone’s been reading too much Rex Miller. Whoa - that’s redundant!

7

let me guess … you recently installed windows media player 7?

8

I bow to the master.

9

::gasp:: NO! That’s the problem? Fuck me with a horse shoe!

So how do I fix this, short of uninstalling Media Player 7? I’m running ME, which I don’t believe ALLOWS uninstalling MP7.

–Tim

10

Isn’t that how Jesus was conceived?

11

::holds up 9.5 Olympic score card::

12

You, my brother, are a genius.

13

Isn’t that a Mark Twain quote? It has the same sardonic wit about it…just amazing. I wish I could write like that! :smiley:

14

Holy Crap!

THAT’S why I could open a friggin’ frisbee store??

stomps off mutterning to herself and shaking her fist

K.

15

And finally

An absolute gem.

I’m tellin’ you man, Dennis Leary’s got NOTHING on you. I haven’t laughed so hard for ages. A perfect 10. Cheers.