Shoot me in the fucking head and pee in the gaping wound.

The BBQ Pit
1

My Goddamned computer is a pain in my ass. No, I take that back, it’s not my computer. It’s my fucking dad, and the fact that since he builds them as a hobby, he thinks he’s a computer God. Yes, he knows more about building them, I’ll give him that. But I know more about troubleshooting and software than him. But since he builds the damned things, he’s the one who has to do it, even if I can do a better job in half the time.

But that’s not what I’m pissed a bout now. It’s that he fucking downloads all this SHIT that doesn’t do a damn thing except clog the systray and slow the boot sequence to a fucking crawl. We have an Athlon 750 w/256 meg ram, but a clean boot takes about 3 minutes to load everything? WHY? Because in the quickstart menu, I have 3 things. Netscape, Winamp, and mIRC. He’s got Win Media Player, Explorer, Composer, Outlook, Show Desktop, AIM, Quicktime updater, and about seven other fucking things. Takes up half the damn toolbar, so I push it over so it only shows four, the minimum. He bitches. In Systray, I load Seti@home. He loads TaskScheduler (refuses to let me disable and remove it, even though we have NO tasks scheduled), Display Properties, Adaptec Direct CD, AIM (yes, here, too), HP download something or other, eBOT (aNOTHER download helper), Go!Zilla, and about five other things. I clear all of these out of startup, tell all of them not to load on Windows start, and a week later he’s put 'em back. WHY? Lord if I know! He’s got his own, personal computer upstairs. Pretty much only me, mom, and my sisters use this one. He only plays C&C on it, everything else he does in his den. So why the FUCK does he put all this SHIT on here?

Right now, you’re saying to yourself “Tim, why don’t you create your own profile so you don’t have to deal with it?” Well guess what, bucko… this IS my profile. Windows is SO fucked up by all the false registry entries, fragged as hell hard drive, and a baJILLION fucking programs telling to to do GOD knows what that MY profile loads NO MATTER WHAT! Windows refuses to acknoledge the ‘standard’ profile, and accesses mine no matter what you tell it to do. Fine, Tim, create a new one and let Windows have the old one. Every time I do, it co-opts the new one. It hates me, I tells ya.

“Okay, Tim, burn all the stuff you want/need/can’t replace onto a CD, and do a reformat of your hard drives and start over again!” Can’t. I’m more than willing to burn off all my stuff, everything I want/need/can’t replace has been archived on six CDs. So why don’t I do it? Dad won’t make his own CDs of ‘valuable’ stuff. So no format for me.

Shoot me in the fucking head and pee in the gaping wound.

I’m moving out soon. I can’t wait to have MY OWN computer. Bios password and all, no one’s touching the damned thing.

–Tim

2

Hmmmm…I take it the Annual Father-Son Computer Camp is definitely out of the question?

3

So do you really need an Athelon 750? With a little mixing and matching I’ve got this here expendo-matic surfing box. That’s all I do with it. This P133/64MB Compaq door stop is still way faster than the pipe, so what the hell. I picked it up for $50 and put a bottomless hard drive in it for $150 because I didn’t want to live on 2GB again. The drive’s all partitioned, and if I download the virus from hell I’m all set to re image from Ghost. Slow as it is I rarely bog it.

Then there’s the old P90/32MB at the bottom of the rack. It was getting thrown away, I just grabbed it on the way by. I don’t even have a monitor for it. Right now the hard drive is scrubbed, but I have surfed with it too and it works OK. And it was free, which is right in the middle of my price range.

I know it’s hard to go back to the stone age, but for what I do the older boxes work just fine. And they’re CHEAP, just like me. So get your own box this weekend. You might even be able to use a cheepo switch if you can’t spring for a monitor right now. Or just move the plug. For some of my stuff I use an extension cable that I lead up and clamped to the back of the bench. That makes swapping stuff around a snap. And did I mention cheep? Very important. Of course, this approach could cut into your graphics intensive or streaming video action.
Hmmm, how 'bout this angle? Make a boot disk and boot to the floppy drive. Fire up your operating system in troubleshooting mode, which usually happens in seconds. Now hopefully none of the TSRs load and you’ve got the bare naked operating system. You will need to load the modem drivers, and CD drivers if you want. Fire up the modem, fire up the browser. You’re in. Your dad can load whatever amusing garbage he likes without fucking with you. That would work with my operating system anyway.

Another angle, slightly more risky, might be to create your own partition. If you like to live life on the edge, Partition Magic hasn’t dorked me yet. Otherwise it will take a rebuild. Then set it up as a dual boot, with your own version of the operating system inside your partition. Only works with huge hard drive. Opportunities for fucking up abound.

Angle 3. Invest $40 in a stack of CDs. Burn the entire hard drive including all your dad’s worthless crap. I would do this by hand without compression so the files can be retrieved without any utilities. It might take a few more disks, but could save you from a horrible fate. Then wipe it and start over. Snag yourself a partition while you’re at it if you can get away with it. Homestead that puppy.

Angle 4. Use the reboot time to go take a bong hit. Come back and slay all the unneccessary processes. What does that take, maybe an extra 10 minutes out of your day? Granted, it sucks, there’s no reason for it, it’s riduculous, etc.

But don’t be too hard on the old geezer. It’s standard procedure, he’s just alpha male-ing you. He probably knows he’s being a dick but can’t help himself. I squared off with my dad about similar random crap just before I moved out. It would have been better for me to keep my yap shut for a few more months and move out while we were still speaking. We’ve patched it all up since then. And like the old joke goes, the older I get the smarter he gets.

4

Are you sure you would want us to pee in it and not squick it?

::SQUICK SQUICK SQUICK!::

You know, at one point I thought about creating multiple user profiles, then figured it wasn’t worth it. Now I just ban someone from using my computer if they fuck around too much with it.

5

Get a Mac. Then you won’t have to deal with all this crap. Turn off the extensions you don’t want, reboot, and you are all set. Or, just make a set of “Homer’s extensions”, and use those. Easy.

Yeah, I know. You won’t do that. I guess I don’t blame you - a whole new computer to buy and all. (I have both PC and Mac at this point, I’m not trying to hijack this into some PC/Mac debate.) But it seems for your needs, it would be simple. No fiddling with the registry, no partitioning, or anything.

By the way, you get some sort of award for your warped subject title. I don’t know, man. That is a pretty vivid and revolting visual picture you gave us, and it turns out this thread is about a computer problem?

You are a twisted, disturbed man… :wink:

6

Well, babe, my foot hurts, too.

Oh, and my favorite games are: Fallout and Fallout 2, System Shock and System Shock 2, Crusader: No Remorse and Crusader: No Regret. I can’t find either Fallout, and both Crusaders and the first System Shock are refusing to run. Dammit.

And I’ve beaten System Shock 2 already. But the ghosts are creepy as hell.

Speak, it’s not that easy, I game like crazy when I have time. Pretty much all I need on my computer is a 600 w/ 128 ram, 30 gig for my mp3s, WinAmp with all my plugins, Netscape, mIRC, and Adaptec, a CD Burner, a KDS Av-75t monitor (yummy), a TNT2 card, a Live card, and a modem, oh, and all that other stuff you have to have to make it run. I figure if I can pull $1000 outta my ass after I move out, I can easily get that, and more, with my Best Buy discount.

My prose has become disjointed and random. Sleep, here I come.

–Tim

7

Hell, if I can pull $1000 outta my ass after I move out, maybe I should get my ass to a doctor, or maybe a magician.

–Tim

8

Homer…

E-mail me ay GaWd@local420.net, and I’ll help you get that puppy running with no profile errors…

-Sam

9

Have we invented a word for this yet? :smiley:
I’ll propose “micturosquicking”.

10

I think Speak is onto the problem with the Alpha-Male syndrom your dad seems to have. My dad and i went at it a couple of times, 10 years ago before i moved out. Ahh those were the days. None of all these funky apps and shit they have now a days. Ok, so i happened to like DOS, so what? :smiley:

My dad tried to tell me i wasn’t supposed to play around on HIS pc because i didn’t know what i was doing. Hmm, dad?! I’m going to school for computers, that ring a bell there buddy? This coming from a man who often confused the mouse with his keyboard, and he still thought he knew more about pc’s then i did. We finally had it out to the point of punches almost being thrown. If not for my mom, i’m sure i woulda decked him.

Fixed his ass the next day though. He went to work and came home to find his pc completely taken apart. Ok, Mr Macho, prove you know more about pc’s now! Needless to say he was crawling back to me within 10 minutes. Since then, no problems in the pc department. :smiley:

Now as for shooting you in head, no thanks i’ll pass, but i might be tempted to do it to your dad and piss in the hole then.

11

Homer, why don’t you ask your father to help you with building a computer of your very own? He likes to build them, you don’t like what he loads them up with–try a little diplomacy instead of confrontation. You don’t like to back down from someone, why would you expect your father to do just that?

JCBurton99, the operative word in your post was “his” as in “his computer.” He told you not to play around with “his computer.” And you “woulda decked him?” Then you took “his computer” apart?

Were you going to computer school on his money? Living in his house? Eating his food?

If so, your father would have been justified in putting you on the street. In fact, he would have been justified in ripping your head off.

12

2 words.
Dual Boot.

13

Homer, I feel your pain, I really do. The Better Half here at this end, who although he is a saint, a rock, a pillar of wisdom and the most together person I know, still used to have the annoying habit of downloading all kinds of drivers and patches from the Internet, with the result that most of the time the computer was in a state of perpetual lockup. Then he’d get on his local BBS and ask for fixes, which they would dutifully offer, and he’d install those, so we’d get one game working, only to have two others lock up.

Finally, mercifully, he got burned out last fall, said, “No more computers”, and I took it over, got some books, did some reading, paid a real computer tech to clean up all the weirdness (with my own babysitting money), with the result that we now have a Win95 computer that at least works, albeit slowly. And now it’s “MY” computer, and he understands “no more downloading weird stuff”.

But obviously you and your dad have a completely different dynamic going there, and I feel for you. I’ll second what Speakeasy said, that your dad’s just doing an alpha male thing, and as long as you’re living at home, there’s not a whole lot you can do about it, other than buying your own computer with your own money. (I’d like to point out that if you can lower your computer standards a little, there are some truly amazing deals in the Want Ads–Computers and Electronics section. Stuff with fairly fast Pentium chips and everything. You sound like you’d know what you were looking at, so spend some time rummaging around, you might be surprised.)

One other suggestion–can you get a disinterested third party (not a family member) to mediate? Like an ombudsman? Work out some terms of use?

14

I understand you’re OK as long as it isn’t a dozen roses with a card.

15

Ok LouisB, guess i’ll have to go into more detail then i originally thought i would.

  1. Yes it was his computer, but everytime he sat down at the damn thing he wanted me there to make sure he didn’t screw up anything. When i wasn’t home, he never even touched the damn thing, BUT i couldn’t touch it when he’s not home???

  2. I was paying my own way through school thank you.

  3. I was also paying rent at the time. In fact, if you must know, the apartment i got after moving out was CHEAPER then the rent i payed dear ole dad.

  4. I was not eating his food, i went shopping for my own shit, thank you, and kept my own little fridge well stocked.

  5. Personally, i would have loved to see him try to rip my head off as you stated, because there is no way in hell that he could have then or now. He may be an ex-marine but i spent almost 5 years training under a private teacher learning Mantis Style Kung-Fu. And just to keep you from asking, no dad didn’t pay for the lessons. They were free.

So does that answer everything LouisB? Or is there anything else you would like to know about my life? Perhaps the first time i got laid maybe? My wife’s maiden name?

16

JBurton99, it pains me to see such hostility between a father and son. It pains me to think of the potential of violence between father and son.

As a father, my sympathies are with fathers. As a son, I should be more understanding.

I believe you should not have taken his computer apart but the rest of it is none of my business and I apologise for saying what I did.

17

No harm done Louis. I think i mighta jumped on ya too much.

I may call him my dad, but he is really my step-father. Growing up in my house-hold was like Cinderalla and the evil step-father routine. The impression that he always gave me was, he’d be better off without me around and actually said it once. Some of the emotional shit he put me through was unbelievable and would make you cringe, but it’s over now, and believe it or not, we are very close now.

I know what you mean by being a father and having sympathies with fathers, and a son, being more understanding. As a father myself, i strive to be one of the best damn dad’s i can, and i will never put any kid through the crap i grew up with.

Hmmm,

18

[polite hijack request] Would someone please explain what is a “quickstart” on a PC to a Mac person? I have a girlfriend with a Compaq who complains of extremely slow restarts; her start bar is chock full of micro-icons that launch things if you click on them, but I assumed they were just little launcher shortcuts; are you implying these are programs that are already RUNNING by default when the computer is switched on? I already found the Startup Items folder and removed lots of crap from it and that helped quite a bit, but it didn’t make the start bar icons disappear.

It does seem like it takes her much longer to boot into Windows98 than it ought to.

19

AHunter, the Quick Launch buttons are just shortcuts on your start menu, they aren’t doing anything. It’s the Systray that’ll kill you. Anything in there is running in the background, waiting to spring into action the moment you ask for them. You rarely ever will. Open them all up, one by one, and find their “preferences” area, and tell it NOT to start when Windows starts. Also, click CTRL-ALT-DEL and find everything except for Explorer and Systray, and kill it ALL (unless it’s something you need, like Seti@home, or something). If something continuously loads anyway, you’ve got a registry entry to deal with. Don’t mess it up!

–Tim

20

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You made that list on the pictures. So you can’t be all down.