I’ve heard of the normal banter that fathers and daughters have, “She won’t date until she’s 40!” and stuff like that. But now that my son is 13 and finding out girls aren’t the icky cootie carriers he thought they were, I’m feeling a bit “territorial” as it were.
For 13 years, I’ve been the woman in his life. Who are these young chippies that call him up, or want him to e-mail them? Why does he want to flirt with the cute cashier, or the cute waitress? For crying out loud, I was changing his diaper just yesterday!!!
I’m feeling some angst because a stage is over. He’s not my baby anymore, and in about 10-15 years he’ll be someone else’s baby. I know it’s a normal part of growing up, but dammit, I don’t want it to be.
I don’t feel the same way about my daughter, although she’s still a bit young for that, 10. (She does sigh about the cute boy in her class, but it’s more of a goofy, giggly, admire from afar while she’s gossiping with her friends thing.)
When I started feeling this I theorized that’s why some wives have problems with mothers-in-law. After all, what woman could take better care of my boy than me? I don’t know why men don’t generally have the same friction with sons-in-law…my dad and my husband get along great, as does my father-in-law with his sons-in-law. But my SIL has gone a few rounds with her MIL, and although my MIL and I are great friends, we’ve had our moments.
Your thoughts? If you have a teenaged boy, are you feeling the same rip of the apron strings?
My son isn’t a teenager yet, but at almost ten years old, he likes looking at the girls, he flirts and girls call the house almost daily. He’s really gonna be something when he gets older.
When I think of what the future holds, it hurts sometimes, but I keep telling myself, that’s what is supposed to be happening, it’s normal.
Oh, I know it’s normal…I just didn’t know it would hit me. I laughed when my BIL and my husband both puffed up their chests and declared their daughters would be locked in dungeons when they hit 16, but my son? I never had brothers so I didn’t know this was a possibility.
My loving yet domineering mother in law, may she rest in peace, adored her harem of three sons and definitely felt a bit of angst at losing them: it was no coinky-dink that two of them moved out of state.
I have two boys, 19 and 13. Have always had a close, honest relationship with both of them.
When the older one was about 12, we started getting those phone calls from girls at all hours, once even had girls scratching at his window at 4am. When he was 13, he began sort of shutting me out. No more conversations. This was tough. Especially when you worry about them being hurt by a girl. At the same time, it seemed natural and normal, and he “came back” to me quite a bit towards the end of high school. Now that he is at university we phone and email. (Of course, we are now beginning the entire cycle all over again with the younger son.) As a sister of two brothers, who had always wished in vain for first a sister, then a daughter, I actually look forward to having a daughter in law some day.
I have two boys, one infant and one toddler. I didn’t know that this could happen to moms. I thought that it was a daddy/daughter thing. Now I’m a little scared.
My m-i-l was glad to hand off her son to me. But then again, he was more than she could handle and their relationship hasn’t been close for years.
My son is almost 12 and my daughter’s about to turn 13. I’m not having the “baseball bats by the front door feelings” that my husband is, but it feels strange to see him looking at girls. A lot of things feel strange. I think it’s because while in some ways he acts like a teenager, in many others he’s a little boy. Stephen King wrote an essay about his son playing baseball, and one line was about how strange it was to see the emotions of a little boy on the face of a man. That’s pretty much what I’m feeling.
My son is 9 and a half, so no interest yet.
Many strangers have told me he’s handsome (I usually say “I take full credit” then laugh.
cause I’m kidding
But I know tons are girls are gonna be after him, so I plan on telling him how to treat girls, how weird they act sometimes,
etc.
He says he doesn’t ever want to marry.
My older son is almost 5. Girls are already an issue.
I think he’s working us into the idea. Even now, I am far from the only ‘woman’ in his life. At 3 1/2, he announced he was in love (with his cousin) - he ‘had to try not to hold onto his heart too tight when he danced with her’… EEK! Even before that, we found out that he had three girls doing everything for him at school - One tied his shoes, another opened his yogurt at lunch, can’t remember what the third was doing. He casually scopes out COLLEGE GIRLS, for pete’s sake! He’s been complimenting me (smoothly) on my choice of clothing since he was 2. He cares about how he dresses ( :eek: ) and has had the casual, arm over the back of the chair, one leg outstretched/other leg propped, hat brim down, shades on ‘look’ down pat since he was eight freakin’ months old. Born to be joe .
We’re pretty used to the non-child responses done in child ways. The boyo has a grasp of relationships that is kinda scary sometimes. And at other times, he’s just a little boy. Loves sports, and swords, and magic, and space stuff, and dinosaurs, and wants to be a pirate for halloween.
Nope, not gonna be a surprise, here. I am not really worried about it, more concerned about how the parents (fathers) of the girls are going to feel… I’d be a bit worried if he showed up on my doorstep to take out my daughter. Too much charm, what can he convince her to do against her better judgement (trust me, we’ll be having discussions about applying social pressure, sooner than I’d hoped!). Fortunately, he’s also very respectful of other people.
I guess having had a few years already of having to share him, I haven’t ever been able to fall into a habit of thinking of myself as the only woman in his life. Kind of sad not to have had that stage, I think, though I’m happy enough to miss out on the shock on the other end of it… (I’ll keep this in mind for our younger son - who knows how things will work out with him!)
My youngest boy, my BABY( I have two others’ a daughter 16 and a son 15, that have already basically gone on without me)just turned 12. This thread has literally made me well up with tears. I am scared to DEATH because I know it’s almost time for him to leave me as well. Not only is he my youngest, him and I have always been extremely close ,and the thought of losing that is extremely saddening to me. (not that I dont have great relationships with the other two…but the little guy and I just had more time together as my older two were so close in age.)
I know it’s part of the normal cycle, and I’m proud of the person he’s becoming. I guess I’m just being selfish. I feel like I’m going to be losing my best buddy to his friends and girlfriends for good.
A male checking in her to let all you moms out there know that a man never, ever, ever completely cuts the apron strings, and that the love we feel for our mothers never fades. Mama will always be Mama - no matter where I travel, no matter how old I get, no matter what other women may come into my life. And as she said on my wedding day, as she pinned my boutaniere on my lapel, “No one will ever love you the way that I love you - and you can always come home.”
Don’t panic, Witch. As I heard some talk show host say, “I don’t care who my son marries, as long as she likes to go shopping with me.”
I have a wonderful relationship with my MIL, but I think I know now why she and I butted heads at the beginning. After all, I wanted to take over her job of taking care of her boy, and he was willing to let me!!
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