If you thought The Matrix deserves ridicule, then you probably haven’t seen Johnny Mnemonic. Pfeh.
MST3K should do Mitchell again- there’s probably enough material there for three or four episodes.
The Lady in the Lake – This atrocious rendition of the Chandler novel was filmed from a first-person perspective. Not only did the film butcher the story, it was also so absurd as to be nearly unwatchable.
As for the movie Congo, let’s not forget the very stupid premise: “Oh no, apes are naturally gentle animals incapable of violence, which was invented by humans.”
This is funny, because a friend of mine, a filmmaker in Seattle, actually has made some of his own MST3K films! Really!
My friend’s name is Ryan, and he also is the British TV Guide over at About.com.
Check out this page:
http://www.eskimo.com/~rkj/MST.html
I am ashamed to admit, I’ve only see the one on “Star Trek V”. He had been talking about this film he’d made, and I just procrastinated seeing it. (How good could it be on such a low budget?) When I saw it, I never stopped laughing. I did many spit-takes while watching this MST3K take-off. It’s really quite nicely done, especially when you consider it was done inexpensively. (I am pretty sure there is a way to get your own copy from Ryan. I think it’s just sending him a blank tape. Read his home page for more details.)
The other MST3K take-off he did was for “Highlander 2 - the Quickening”. I haven’t seen it yet, I need to get a copy of it. I cannot imagine anything more worthy of a MST3K-ing than that turkey of a picture.
Polydactyl Cats Unlimited
“A Cat Cannot Have Too Many Toes”
i’m going to stay in the sci-fi realm since that is what mst3k mainly focuses on.
starship troopers
wing commander
alien resurrection
timecop
sphere
supernova
virus
How about that awful movie with Drew Barrymore and Sharon Stone as gunslingers? Leo di Caprio was in it too, I think.
Also, The Shadow. Boy, that really stunk.
Armageddon
Gotta go with shroom on Virus and Sphere… I couldn’t help but make fun of Virus, right from the beginning.
I’d also definitely submit Deep Rising and Event Horizon… And I’d love to see 2001 get the treatment, though I’d still probably fall asleep. (Yes, I know people consider it a masterpiece, but I still don’t think there’s much of a plot until about 1 1/2 hours in…)
SINsApple: If you think Deep Blue Sea was bad, try Manos: Hands of Fate, The Incredibly Strange Creatures That Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, or Terror From the Year 5000. At least DBS had some plot, lame and rehashed though it was.
Wendell: They actually did do a few clips from Titanic in one of their “Academy Awards Specials”. One was of Leo yelling “Go Packers!”, and another was where Titanic was passing a small sailboat as it left port–“Outta the way, roadhog!”
Bram Stoker’s Dracula
Man, that movie sucked out loud. (No pun intended.) Plus there is so much material there for the MST3K boys:
- Horrible fake accents by Keanu and Winona
- 5’2" Gary Oldman (or whatever his actual height is) in the role of 7’ tall (in the book) Dracula.
- That wild Dracula hairdo.
- Dracula wearing a kimono.
- The loud, over-the-top special effects and action sequences.
- The goofy blue Dracula sunglasses.
- The stilted dialogue. (“I have crossed oceans and time for you?”)
- Over-the-top performance by Anthony Hopkins.
Et cetera, ad nauseum.
---------------------------------------------spoke-
(Still waiting for the definitive movie version of Dracula.)
And for more rip-roarin’ reviews of really bad movies, check out “Bad Movie Night” at http://www.hit-n-run.com .
(And I’m not just plugging it just because some of my reviews are in there 
.)
Y’all don’t REALLY want me to go off on another demented, hair-tearing rant about “Kiss Her Goodbye,” now DO you?
You may be mixing your crap here. The Quick and the Dead did have both Stone and DiCaprio as gunslingers, but no Drew. Drew starred with a few other young minxs in Bad Girls. Either one qualifies, I guess, although Sam Raimi directed the first one, and if you can appreciate that, you might actually like it.
ReservoirDog wrote:
Once again let me come to the defense of The Quick and the Dead and say that people who put it down as simply a bad movie clearly didn’t get it. The director was quite aware of what he was doing. And giving it the MST3K treatment would be like explaining the joke.
I'd also like The Phantom Menace to get the MST3K treatment. I liked The Thin Red Line, but I'd love to see an MST3K'ed version.
I think they'd also do well with the U.S. Presidential conventions, or any of the political election infomercials on Canadian or U.S. TV. One of the more popular infomercials would be good too.
I don't think this question in the OP was addressed, but as a devout fan, I understand that due to budgeting concerns, the cost of rights to use the films was a large determining factor in MST3K deciding what films to spoof. Thus their dependence on public domain films or very inexpensive oldish stuff that's not out on video, etc.
(The reason they got to do the various specials joking about newer films is because they were using film promotional clips or interviews intended for promoting the film and doled out for an insignificant cost.)Yosemite-you KNOW Ryan? My friend made me a copy for Xmas, along with UHF? That was wicked funny!
I liked The Haunting and Phantom Menace, okay? That said, I’d still want to see it Mstied…even good movies are great Mstied.
BTW, on Website Number 9, my friend did a Msting of TPM-if anyone wants it, I have it!
Here are some that would be great:
Titanic (I liked it, but it had potential)
Terminator 2: Judgement Day (I’m working on my own msting)
Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves
Anything with Jennifer Love Hewitt in it.
Congo: three words: Joe Don Baker
Speed (I HATED this movie)
Nicholas and Alexandra-the worst Romanov movie I have ever seen…it was horrible.
Flowers in the Attic-great book, even some good actors (Louise Fletcher)…HORRIBLE piece of cinematic shit.
Hello * Battlefield Earth! * Best MST3K movie in years…wish they were still doing it.
::sigh::
Without a doubt: Hard Hunted and The Destructors, both of which I have purchased for a dollar a piece.
Hard Hunted: “The World’s Hottest Undercover Agents Are Back!” From the back of the box: “The cold war heats up when three very special agents team up to avert nuclear war.” It stars Playboy Playmates! “Between battles, they find time for some erotic R&R that gives new meaning to the word “action!””
The Destructors: “Professional In Sabotage and Treason; The Most Bizarre Caper Every Planned!” All I need to do is read a little off of the box, “Known as the cyclops and controlled by electronic-optical means, the Laser-Ray Gun means world power for any nation possessing it…The suspensful drama, filmed in color…It’s Egan against the bad guys. He, almost single-handed, must not only stay one step ahead, but stop them before they can sell out the U.S. to Sinister Foreign Powers.”
Oh man, these movies suck so bad they’re funny. And therein lies the MST3K link.
No shit! I actually walked out of this movie. And I NEVER do that, because I figure, hey, I paid for it, I might as well watch it. But this one was just too unbearable. It gets my vote.
I don’t know about Battlefield: Sewer–did they make it with enough gaps in the shitstorm to do it injustice? Having attempted to read the book many years ago (and having thrown the book out the window by page 35), I knew not to go to the movie. As for The Shadow–it was mocking itself; what more could MST3K do?
How about Anaconda? Or The Relic? My former roomie rented those pathetically deformed abominations once. Fortunately, he realized his mistake soon enough to help me Msty them mercilessly. His GF actually fell off the couch, laughing. “Cue sinister snake music…NOW!” <sinister snake music starts> “Cue snake puke…NOW!!” <glort-thud-scream> “Thank you for traveling with Snake Tours. We hope you enjoyed your digestion.”
I’d also love to see all the Star Trek pictures done–except maybe the first one, they’d get too hoarse trying to fill in all the gaps in that one. All the Star Wars movies would also be good. Good movies can be mocked entertainingly, too.
FTR, I saw it for free (we went ot see something else, I forget what, and they obviously knew nobody would be there if they didn’t let us stay…though there were only about 10 people there anyway). It was the perfect movie for MST3K. Perfect.
“Hey Rat-brain, don’t you want some raw rat? BWAHAHAHAH!”
:rolleyes:
My nominations:
Armageddon (hear, hear SoMoMom!)
Deep Impact
Killer Klowns From Outer Space (even though I liked this movie)
Titanic
Point Blank
Hollow Man
Tremors II