Fahrenheit 911.
Lame piece of shit. The only saving grace was that the ticket didn’t cost me any money out of pocket; it was a freebie.
I can’t stand that flick because Cruise’s hairdo bothers me to my very core. I loathe the “not enough hair to get it all in a ponytail, so I end up with a quasi bowl-cut” 'do.
Jurassic Park III- Have blocked out most of this, but IIRC, the scientists go back to the scary island and then find out that their clients have no money. Dumbasses.
Josie and the Pussycats- “Oh, it had such a great message about corporate sponsorship taking over!” No, you ninny, the entire thing was a commercial. Carson Daly as a hitman was amusing, but the rest of this movie was just shit.
Bring It On- Somehow Kirsten Dunst and Eliza Dushku, both of whom are on my List, dancing around in cheerleader outfits don’t save this movie.
What the #$%^ do we know? Not only is it a poorly made pseudo-documentary, that Ramtha chick was absolutely revolting to see on the big screen. OMG when she said “hard-on” it turned my stomach to the point that I will never EVER use that term again. On a larger scale I think it damages true science in that it leads some laymen to believe that this dreck represents the truth, when in fact it’s mostly a pile of new age garbage.
I’d like to see Cecil pick that thing apart a la Mystery Science Theater. Now THAT would be entertainment.
Moonraker
The first time I saw that movie, it was on Spike TV’s 007 Days of Christmas Marathon, which made it 3 hours long with commercials. Since I was over at Grandma’s house at the time, I thought I’d introduce her to Bond and have her watch it with me. I figured, hey, it’ll probably be like Goldfinger or Live and Let Die. How wrong I was. :smack:
How badly did it suck? Let me count thee ways. It opened up with a Space Shuttle being transported on the back of a 747. The shuttle then takes off in the 747’s midflight, destroying the 747, and then flying off to Brazil. Apparently, there’s nothing aerodynamically wrong with this, and a 747 can support the weight of a Space Shuttle full of fuel all the way across the ocean. Then, still in the opening scene, Jaws has a parachute failure and tumbles thousands of feet onto the top of a circus tent and gets up and walks away, apparently unhurt. :dubious:
After this lame opening scene, I figured the movie would improve. It didn’t. :mad: After wasting 3 hours on this movie, I was apologizing profusely to Grandma.
I found out later that The Spy Who Loved Me was filmed, then after that they were going to film For Your Eyes Only (it even says in the credits of The Spy Who Loved Me - “James Bond will return in For Your Eyes Only”). Apparently, because of the immense popularity of scifi movies like Star Wars, they decided to capitalize off of science fiction and film Moonraker first instead. Apparently, they didn’t realize that cheap, unconvincing lazer effects does not make up for a slow, incoherent, jumbled mess of a plot. :smack:
Say Anything
Being a guy who is a big John Cusack fan has helped me with the females many a time. One night, a woman I had been friends with went for almost a year went out with me to the bars. When we got done that night, we were both pretty smashed and went back to my apartment. She knew I was a big Cusack fan, so she had brought over Say Anything and told me that I just had to see it. I figured, hey, it’s probably another movie where Cusack is a cynical guy whose troubles you can relate to, and is as funny as Grosse Pointe Blank, Better Off Dead, or High Fidelity. Right? Wrong.
Keep in mind that this woman and I were in bed cuddling while watching Say Anything, and we were drunk. So naturally, I didn’t remember any of that movie at all the next day. About a week later, I watched it again, alone. It follows the old, tired, basic plot of romance movies
- Woman (Diane) meets wild man (Lloyd).
- Woman tames wild man.
- Woman lives happily ever after with her new, well-behaved boy.
That’s it. None of the dark humor or sarcasm of the John Cusack I knew. Now granted, things have gone badly since then with the aforementioned woman, so that may be biasing my hatred of the movie. Nevertheless, come on Cusack, deep down, I know that you’re Rob Gordon, not Lloyd Dobler.
Naked in New York
Bodies, Rest, and Motion
Sleep With Me
(lots of movies with Eric Stoltz there)
Slaves of New York
Moulin Rouge
The New Age with Judy Davis
I can sympathize. Most of my immediate family has seen that movie and like it. I, however, refuse to watch it.
Portrait of a Lady - I watched this movie the whole way through, and by the end I was throwing things at the TV. One of the few movies that I’ve gotten angry about because I felt that my timed was wasted.
So many bad movies in this thread (and a few that are mentioned that I actually liked on one level or another).
But how a thread goes on for this many pages and I miss it without chiming in with my pick for biggest waste of celluloid in the history of the industry, I can’t explain.
And nobody else has brought up this turd, so either you all 1) didn’t see it, 2) have blocked it from your memory as some kind of defense mechanism, or 3) actually <shudder> liked it.
Yep, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:
Boxing Helena is absolutely, far and away, the worst movie I’ve ever watched from start to finish. I’ve given up on several movies 20 minutes or so into them, but I paid full price to watch this piece of shit, and I was gonna damn well suffer through it, if for no other purpose than to teach myself a lesson.
Although I think that if I’d sat through The Story of Us all the way through, it might have given this one a run for the money…
The movie I despise is Ronnie Howard/Jim Carey’s version of “The Grinch”. Only saw it cause my little girl wanted to and I still almost walked out. Horrid. Twisted the lovely moral of the lovely little Dr. Seuss story into something ugly. UGH. ugh ugh ugh ugh.
By the way - really amusing thread. so much to agree/disagree with. Many of the films mentioned have moments I despise, while I can tolerate the whole movie. Ex - Scarlet smiling after being carried to bed unwilling by Rhett in “Gone with the Wind”.
Contact.
Great opening footage during the credits. Followed by hours of frustration sufficient to make me want to throw a theatre seat at the screen.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
Signs
Are we establishing a pattern here? What is it about the possibility of extraterrestrial intelligence that leads to the production of abysmally bad movies?
He should have been stopped BEFORE Tommyknockers . That was the first of his books I simply could not force myself to finish . The movie , either .
Monkeybone (Lisa Zane’s singing, and Rose McGowan as a catgirl were nice, and that’s it. And yeah, I saw it in the theater. It had Henry Selick directing it! HENRY SELICK! He directed Nightmare for godssake, I thought I could trust him!)
From Dusk Till Dawn (Not really anything about the movie or the genre, or anything—this is personal. :mad: )
I’ve never seen it, but I heard about it a lot, read reviews, seen stills, etc. Kim Basinger reportedly paid millions in a breach of contract suit for backing out of starring in it. From what I’ve heard, it was worth every penny.
The Deer Hunter: Don’t care how many Academy Awards it won, it sucked. It sucked my time away. I watched it as a rental, had to stop it twice to take a break before I could force myself to finish it, and I found myself asking the question every few minutes, “Why the hell would anyone want to watch this?” Granted, the actors were going such a good job of acting like ordinary shmoes that they were indistinguishable from the real thing, but blue-collar working class people often find their own lives so boring that they’re starved for entertainment that transports them somewhere else. I know what the point was, and it would have worked as a novel, but as a movie it is a great big dragging 3 hour anchor. If I had a choice I would have blown Walken’s character’s head off myself. And what was it with DeNiro in the 70s that he only got roles playing retarded/socially stunted characters? Mike was fucked in the head before he got to Vietnam. He probably ended up more normal afterward.
A Life Less Ordinary: I saw this as a freebie screening at college and still was upset that I’d wasted my time. Lack of coherency: check. Stupid plot: check. Pretensions: double check. Weird-ass alien/religious stuff thrown in in an attempt to “explain” something PROFOUND: check to infinity. Jeebus fuck, what a pathetic mess. It made Defending Your Life with a somewhat similar premise look like Shakespeare in comparison.
Resident Evil: Armageddon: The best thing about this sinkhole of money and special effects was the mock-commercial at the beginning. After that it’s just a roller coaster drop into the depths of movie making. It just got worse, and worse, and even the bouncing breasts of the TV anchor gun-wielding badass chick couldn’t make the thing watchable. I’ve never walked out of a movie, even Lost in Space, but I wanted to leave this one. What makes it worse is that my girlfriend, who I saw the movie with, thought it was okay for an action/horror movie. Thank the gods she likes good movies too, or I’d have to kill her and find a place to hide the body. To add insult to injury, I saw this in the theater in Japan, where normal ticket prices are around US $15. Why won’t you anally rape me with a mace and take my mind off the pain?
Please explain over 275 posts and Mariah Carey’s “Glitter” fiasco not being mentioned!
I really, really, really hated The Grinch. I didn’t walk out because I couldn’t drive at the time. I wanted to take the little snowflake the Who lived on and throw it into a furnace. I wanted to kick Jim Carry in the balls, but he would think that is funny. I might, too.
What was Tim Burton thinking when he made A Nightmare Before Christmas? Did he decide to rip off a Roald Dahl book, or decide that he should go into kids movies, but not all the way?
And how about Wag the Dog? I can understand that a moon landing might be filmed in a studio (they weren’t), but a whole war?! Was it supposed to be surreal, or a satire? I didn’t understand any point that the filmmakers might have been attempting. It is obviously a desperate stab at a final attempt of 90’s style humor and tragedy.
The Day After Tomorrow is the worst disaster/action movie I have ever seen. Roland Emmerich can’t do political messages, which this was. People running from frost was just funny, and those wolves were added late because there obviously wasn’t enough blood shed. Are people going to be enthused to save the planet after seeing this crap? Probably not, because they will be too confused about the science and the message to understand the problem, even if they are already environmental scientists.
Why is A Clockwork Orange still around? It starts with no discernable plot, storyline, coherent script, or good dialogue, goes through every “plot” point very slowly, and ends up where it started: with a stupid, arrogant punk committing violent crimes and having anynomous sex. I think the point of the movie was to show us how even the worst can be reformed; or maybe it was how we all can grow up eventually; or it could have been a warning about a society slowly becoming more desensitized to violence. I’m not sure because the movie was telling us that it was too cool to be figured out. I am more pissed about having seen this movie than any other movie.
I cannot leave here without trashing Signs. It is so full of continuity errors, plotholes, and bad dialogue that I was hoping the aliens would eat Joaqin Phoenix and Mel Gibson. What did the line “Tell Merrill to swing away” have to do with anything? Was it suddenly a prophetic vision right in the middle of strange but natural events? And who talks so glumly all the time? Children do laugh occasionally. Why must M. Night Shyalaman (I hope the spelling is wrong) appear in all his movies? He is not Alfred Hitchcock. Nothing in this piece of trash makes any sense. M. Night Sham. should stop making movies now and hock The Sixth Sense for all it’s worth (which isn’t much in itself, because it’s only good once).
If some of these have been named already (because I haven’t read the entire thread first), I apologize. Still:
High Art: I looked up “pretentious crap” in the dictionary and found a publicity still from this movie.
Au Hasard Balthazar: I know it has a good reputation but I couldn’t sit through it even once.
The Return of the King: I fell asleep and never really woke up, except for the lighting of the beacons, which I have to admit looked really cool.