Not to derail the thread, but I’m so happy that someone showed some love for this movie. It is one of the funniest sports movies ever, IMVHO of course. Feel free to hate it.
Legends of the Fall is one of the few movies I can remember truly, truly hating. The damned thing never seemed to end. It’s a love story! With war! Then, Tristan goes off to sea! As soon as it got to a point where it could have ended, the writers piled on more crap.
The Notebook sucked ass.
Crap is right. As in: We just killed somebody! And now we can hug! And cry! And male-bond over it! And then we can do it again!
The Godfather Part II. Admittedly I hadn’t seen the original Godfather movie which probably didn’t help. I was bored silly the entire time. There were numerous places it could have simply stopped after the first 2 hours, and I wouldn’t have felt like they’d left anything essential (or even remotely interesting) out. 3.5 excruciating hours of my life that I’ll never get back. Needless to say, I have not seen any of the others.
Stranger Than Paradise. Got rave reviews. Went to see it with a friend. Listened, mystified, as others in the audience laughed uproariously. Sat through the entire movie hoping it would get funny. Friend concurred. Learned to view movie reviewers as the Spawn of Satan.
Hannah and Her Sisters. I think this is the only movie I’ve ever walked out on. A cast of unlikeable people doing unlikeable things and with no enjoyment or redemption in sight. Not to mention, as one reviewer (exception to SofS rule above) comment “why are all these women so interested in Woody Allen?”.
This will gather some protests, but I hated Donny Darko.
stands next to Khadaji
I couldn’t even finish it.
I don’t despise L.A. Confidential, but I think it’s tremendously overrated. Russell Crowe shows up with his typical wooden performance, but the cartoonish character development could be partly to blame for that.
But the movie I came in here to rip is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the original – I certainly don’t plan to see the remake.) It is simply one of the stupidest movies I’ve ever seen. Every character is grating, the dialogue is terrible, and I just wanted to drop-kick those damn OompaLoompas. Across the board, my twentysomething friends seem to love it, but I just don’t see the allure.
Ode to Billie Joe
Give a why, please.
I’ve been scrolling through 5 pages wondering if anyone would mention The Color Purple and finally someone did. … Unfortunatly not for the same reasons I hated it.
Everyone talks about how aweful that womans life was and how brave she was to put up with it all… (where’s the puky smile when I need it) I just could not feel any sympathy for her. She was a doormat just allowing everyone to walk all over her and never resisted anything that happened to her. … she may not have deserved such an aweful life, but she’ll get no sympathy from me for having suffered it because she did NOTHING to try to stop it from happening.
At this point when I talk about how how I feel about her, everyone usually starts claiming that I don’t know how tough it was being a black woman in her situation (true I’m a white male) and that she had no way to fight back and she had no options open to her. … To which I cry BULLSHIT. When her father raped her, she put up with it. When her father tried to rape her little sister, the little sister fought like hell and ran away from home and made her own life. Her sister even tried to get her to leave her abusive husband and go with her, and she stayed. … Pathetic. She had all the example she needed right in front of her and she turned her head and walked back to her husband for another night of marital rape. … Did I mention I hated this movie?
Two others mentioned already…
Lost in Translation, What were the critics thinking? I want a refund and full compensation for the time I wasted on that dreck.
Starship Troopers, This movie I am torn on… It was a good action/sci-fi film but it had nothing of the moral meaning that Heinlein was trying to convey. All it would have taken is one simple, small change to stay true to his vision and it wouldn’t have changed anything for those poor unfortunate souls who haven’t bothered to read the original novel.
Instead of re-joining the service only to get revenge on the bugs After learning about his parents deaths, He should have never quit, only thought about it, and realised that the service was where he was meant to be in the first place, and then learned about the attack. Yes, the movie would still have been vastly different than the book, but at least the intent would have stayed the same.
The lame solution to the question of why Billie Joe jumped off the bridge.
The one thing I just loved about Starship Troopers was when the starships were around the bug planet, people were hitting the windsheild.
Get it? Do ya? Huh?
Birdman. Self-indulgent tripe cloaked in repetitive allegory, of interest only to actors. I not only want my money back, I want the guy next me’s money back.
ETA: Sorry, didn’t realize how old this was.
Gosford Park. It’s a star-packed murder mystery that was directed by the late Robert Altman. It’s 3 hours long. After 2 1/2 hours of panning shots where everyone is talking over each other, the murder actually happens. Then, a bumbling country detective shows up, looks around, and says something along the lines of, “Well, I guess we’ll never find out who the murderer is,” and leaves. We only find out in the very last scene that Clive Owen was something like the illegitimate child who committed the murder. So convoluted and contrived.
Speaking of Robert Altman, let me describe another one of his films to you:
An aging, bored, and jaded Hollywood producer is suffering from producer’s block. He fears that his career is in jeopardy. Who comes in but a younger and more energetic producer - making the older producer feel threatened.
To try and jump start something, the older producer goes back over the scripts he had previously rejected - to try and find anything - a jem. He finds one that is promising, and he contacts the writer of that screenplay that he previously rejected, to maybe try and get something going with it. Him and the writer exchange messages, and they set up a time and place to meet.
He meets the writer in a Chinese karaoke bar somewhere in Hollywood, where the drunk writer insults him and just overall berates him all through the meeting.
Outside the restaurant, the writer is still berating the older producer. Finally, the older producer finally snaps, and murders the writer in cold blood, right there outside of the restaurant, and he leaves the writer’s body right there in the alley, and he walks away.
The older producer goes to work the next morning, and receives a disturbing message from the writer who he meant to meet at the Chinese restaurant saying that the person that he met the previous night was not him, and that he knows what the older producer did.
I’ll be damned if that isn’t downright Hitchcockian, and you would be trampling over other people just for the privilege to see this movie.
However, the movie that I just described is The Player. It’s an unmatchable piece of elephant defecation. It’s best known for the longest (pre-digital) movie shot, which is the opening scene. It’s something like a dozen minutes long, unbroken, and I guess this was a big deal at the time - due to the physical length of film.
I hate Robert Altman films so much that I actually avoid them if I find out he had anything to do with them. He is like the inverse of King Midas. He is handed a delicious screenplay, and then creates droll.
Oh, and before anyone brings up MAS*H, please go back and rewatch the film, and then watch any episode of the television show. Then come back here and tell me that the film is better than the television show.
I dare you. 
What? No mention yet of Doctor Dolittle, the 1998 version with Eddie Murphy? Was it so bad that it’s totally below the radar even for this thread? Yes, yes it was. Aside from the fact that the story had no connection whatever with any of the actual Dr. Dolittle stories, and aside from the fact that this Dr. Dolittle character had no semblance whatever to the original character – the whole film was, furthermore, nothing more than a boring compendium of juvenile potty humor.
It wasn’t just me thinking that. TIME Magazine, in their annual list of “Ten Best” of everything, also includes an entry for “Worst” in many categories. Their pick for worst movie was – you guessed it – Doctor Dolittle. (“Potty humor” or maybe “potty jokes” was the phrase they used.)
Apparently the movie played well enough to support a few sequels. I certainly didn’t see any of the sequels. I guess a lot of kids must have enjoyed all the potty jokes.
Not to be confused with the 1967 movie with Rex Harrison, which was rather bland and not too interesting, but not awful either. At least, the story line and Dolittle character were based (loosely) on the original books.
I still want to see Sack Lunch.
I love “The Player.” It’s one of my all-time favorite movies.
Zombie movies. I really hate zombie movies.
Ishtar: Wretched, poorly written, poorly acted.
Heaven’s Gate: Destroyed the United Artists Film Corporation through rampant greed and hubris. Fuckin’ Michael Cimino…
Oh, Heavenly Dog!: Utter drek.
Pokémon The Movie: Had to sit through it because son adored the cards and games. My god. MY GOD. I want my 88 minutes back.
Avengers 2: Loud and obnoxious. I hoped for more. And go so much less.