Spread those wings and fly!
I agree with the others so far - guilt is a horrible reason to stay.
I faced a similar choice that I’d like to bring up to contrast with what you’ve told us. When I was a senior in college, 1000 miles from my immediate family, I realized I wanted to go back “home” after graduating. I felt like a total schmuck. But you know why I wanted to do it? Because I missed my family. I didn’t feel guilty, I just genuinely missed them. I’ve never regretted it, but that’s because I made the decision out of love, not guilt.
Go. If you miss them in 5 years you can always return to Florida. But don’t wait until your parents are dead to start living.
You are such a woman. Get over it. Guilt is a useless negative emotion.
I moved from the Toronto area to Vancouver Island, several thousand miles, after I finished school. First my family came to visit and then after seeing how wonderful life is out here they moved here as well within 3 years. That is two independant brothers, two independant sisters and two dependant sisters with their parents. Only one sister is missing because she married a guy in Holland.
They still love me.
The day after I graduated from college I went home for a party with family and friends.
The day after that I flew to Europe.
I wound up living in Berlin for 14 years and, yes, I missed my family - but more importantly, I became a better person and did not regret/have not regretted doing so. To this day, I think it was one of the wisest decisions I have ever made in my life.
The first Christmas alone, away from the family, is a bit weird and kind of sad - but you have to make that leap of faith and go where your heart tells you to go.
Mind you, this was in the days before internet and cheap phone calls. We used to do something called writing letters. Today you have Skype and emails and free calls on weekends with every cell phone plan. You can send pictures or videos and call every day if you wished.
Go.
Your mother may never get over it but you will. My employer offered me a transfer from Cali to New Orleans in the early 80s. Mom was sure I took it to get away from her no matter how good the promotion was.
Our relation has matured past mother and child.
It sounds like your father view relatives as tools, where he wants them to be accessible when he needs them, but otherwise pays them no heed. If your father were more loving I could understand feeling some guilt about leaving. Instead, he’s trying to keep his hammer in the top drawer where he left it.
I’d urge the OP to plan on regular trips back home to see family.
I understand the need to create a separate life and career. But, your family will be gone someday. Treasure them now while they are still here. Don’t make the mistakes I did.
Follow your dreams wherever they take you. Just, remember to stay in touch and visit the people that matter regularly. So what if it costs a thousand bucks to fly home a couple times a year. Make that phone call every single week. Don’t turn 50 alone and with everyone you love dead in the ground. I’d give anything to have a second chance at my life.
Everyone else has already said it. Disregard your dad, he sounds like a manipulative asshole.
As you wisely pointed out, there’s no reason a move has to be permanent. If you spend a year or two elsewhere in the country and then decide you really would prefer to be closer to home, you can always move back. And you can put extra effort into keeping in touch with your Mom.
You (and your boyfriend) are the only ones who can really make this decision, but based on what you’ve told us here I say go for it. It’ll be a good adventure.
Sorry about the feelings of guilt, but I think it would only get worse if you gave in and stayed because of what someone else wants.
I have moved all over and away from everyone I love so many times, though I’m lucky enough to have a very supportive family. I have even moved away from my SO a few times because we have always had the deal that if the other needs to do something that is important to them we would not stand in each other’s way and we would just make it work.
So maybe you need to reassure your family that you will make it work.
Even when I lived in Brazil I never missed Christmas. Just plan trips and make sure you have either a guest room or a nice hotel nearby so the fam can come over any time. My dad loves to come and visit now and it means when get special father-daughter time together!
I now live near my grandparents (who are really getting on!) and will probably soon be moving away again. I feel do feel a little guilty this time, because if I move away they will probably need to move closer to one of their children (all live other sides of the country or abroad). But I need to go and I’m not obliged to stay to look after them.
I hope you can let go of the guilt and make it clear to your family being geographically apart means very little compared to how special you can make your time together!
Ah, you voices of reason… thanks so much everyone for the encouraging words. Perhaps oddly, I wasn’t expecting the response to be so unequivocal. Reading your posts has just reminded me of my younger self, and I realize, to my dismay, that over the past couple of years I seem to have become more bound to this place - what with the brothers buying houses, having kids, getting married. I never wanted all that, and I always knew I wouldn’t be satisfied staying here. The longer I stay, the harder it’s going to be to leave. It’s a scary thing, but it always was a little bit scary leaving, and that’s part of the thrill of it. 
And of course the feeling of accomplishment at not having let my fears overtake my ambition.
Antigen, your post in particular was very poignant and much appreciated (and btw I still want to talk to you about Med Tech, I just need to get my shit together and compose that post already!). You are pretty much spot-on, especially when you said: “…sometimes it’s hard to know what your heart actually wants.” I know what I want, but I’m torn about leaving. Other than the family thing, there’s nothing at all holding me back (really, I’m lucky!). The emotional aspect of it is not as cut-and-dry as I’d like it to be, but that’s okay. I know one of the results will be that I will appreciate the time that I do get to spend with the fam even more. And I should be able to arrange to come back at least twice a year.
Besides, my parents really aren’t that old! Sheesh!
Thanks again all, hope you’re having a happy holiday.
Didn’t you meet your SO there, too? IIRC it was one of those “I saw him across the room and just knew” stories. If my memory hasn’t fallen to pieces in my old age, then that means you would never have met him if you’d stayed home - someone who was a good match for you, maybe; him, no.
I left home for college, spent a few years kicking around my home state, lived abroad for four years, and am now on the East Coast. I will probably live the rest of my life either abroad or on the East Coast.
I have felt guilty, especially in the beginning when my mom was still adjusting to life as a single empty nester. And it is tough to see my family growing older and older each time I visit, especially since I don’t think I can be there when things get really bad.
But you know what? I know in my heart that they are proud to see me achieve things they had never dreamed of. I think parents get struck with a certain fear when you stray from the path that they know. All they want is for you to be happy and comfortable, but they only way they know how to happy and comfortable is the path that they took. So they have this strong instinct to pull you back to the center.
But that’s what the new generation is for- to move forward. To blaze trails, to dare to dream the dreams that the last generation couldn’t ever envision.
Trust me, when you are there and challenging yourself and eventually succeeding, they will be proud of you. They will miss you, but they will be so amazed at what you’ve done.
And if they don’t, well, it may be harsh but it’s not your problem. You didn’t ask to be born, you didn’t ask them to have kids at an older age, if you are an only child, you didn’t ask to be an only child. When they chose to have you under the circumstances they did, they had to have known there was a range of ways things could go. There are no guarantees in life. Sometimes you have a kid and they are your best friend and care for you until you are old. Sometimes, you have one and they end up a homeless crack addict. Sometimes, they end up astronauts, sometimes they end up flipping burgers. In your case, they ended up with a kid who is seeking their fortune in a new city.
Is being a woman a bad thing? I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this being used a pejorative.
I am CERTAIN that I’m not comfortable with “such a woman” being used as an insult.
Get out while you still can. Being selfish =/= to being an asshole unless you’re taking something (other than yourself so long as you aren’t a guardian and in some other spousal situations) away from someone. It = to being a rationale human being with a healthy sense of self preservation and ambition.
I will reiterate, say with utmost truth, you are 30 and not a kid. If you don’t do it soon when you have this chance, you never will. If you don’t act, you will end up putting it off, and before you know it your dream will be gone and you will be STILL be "50 and alone and everyone you love dead in the ground’. Except you will still be living in sweltering Florida and kicking yourself for letting your dream slip away.
You got that right. When I was a young adult, it was such an easy decisions to make - “I think I’ll move to a different city/province now.” A month later, it was done. Now, I’m not sure we’ll ever move again - we have a house and a house full of stuff, Jim has a good job, we have family and friends here - you get quite firmly entrenched in a place when you’re older. Which is not to say young people can’t be entrenched and older people can’t pick up move - it just really does seem to be easier when you’re younger.
Sheesh, go already. They will get over it. I went to China when I graduated from University and 25 years later finally moved back to the US. Worst case is you regret it and move back in 3 months.
I certainly had no intention to insult. Its just that the women in my life have amply demonstrated to me that the prospect of guilt is a driving force in their lives. They readily admit it to me.
I just don’t see it in men, and that is one of the mysteries to me about the differences between men and women. Some people talk about the nurturing instinct in women. Perhaps that comes from the same place. Or perhaps I’m just full of shit.
In any case there was no intent to insult.
Are the women you know also bad drivers, poor at math, prone to monthly bouts of irrationality and likely to be gold diggers?
I know you didn’t mean offense, but stereotypes like this cause actual real-life harm to women who are trying to present themselves as rational, professional and reasonable people.
I went away for three months and didn’t come back for 17 years. Came back for five and have gone again. Best thing I ever did.
They’ll get used to it: don’t look back.