Moving long distances to be with someone you met online

I’ve been online for some time, and I’ve made quite a few strong relationships with people I’ve met on here. In 1998, I took the huge step of moving from New Jersey to Tennessee to live with someone (it didn’t work out).

So I was just wondering about the experiences other people have had. I know there have been quite a few Doper marriages (especially lately), and I’m guessing at least some of these involved people who previously hadn’t lived anywhere near each other.

If you were the person who did the moving, what was it like? Did you move just to get to know the other person better, or did you plan on getting married, even at that point?

What about the culture shock? Were you going into a completely strange environment? Did you know other people in the area?

Just curious. :slight_smile:

I met my husband on line. He was living in Ireland at the time, I in the States (temporarily). We moved to Japan together after only meeting each other f2f for a total of 21 days.

We’d known each other for a year and a half before we did that, though.

We are very happy. When we decided to move to Japan to be together, we didn’t necessarily go there in order to get married, but we knew it would happen when the time was right. I’d lived in Japan for three years already, so it wasn’t a culture shock to me. It is, IMHO, a sink or swim if you move with anyone overseas. It’ll either make or break a relationship. In our case, it worked.

We’ve been together for five years.

Ironically, I know a guy from Reading, Pa getting married this weekend to a Native American girl from somewhere out West. They met online. Not sure how often they saw each other, but apparently discovered a lot of common interests.

Since the marriage is in Reading, I thought, perhaps, the girl’s parents may be against the wedding. I assumed maybe it is not in keeping with the traditions of her people. (This is based on my knowledge of many cultures seeing a need to preserve the culture by encouraging marriages within the same culture - mostly for preservation of the culture or it shall surely be lost to assimilation.

But, her are coming, and it seems all is bliss…so, it can work. But overall, online dating is no more nor no less of a guarantee that it will work out for you.
IMHO, - Jinx

I moved to Miami in early July from the DC area. UncleBill and I met through the boards (at last year’s ChiDope, to be specific; we didn’t start corresponding until after we’d met IRL), started dating in November and were engaged in March, and will be getting married this November. We definitely didn’t want a long-distance marriage, so we had to decide who was going to move. After much discussion, we concluded that it would be easier for me to. I had planned to move in mid- to late September, so that we could be together for a while before the wedding, but ended up shifting the move date earlier due to various factors.

There’s been definite culture shock for me, since Miami is different from DC in almost every way. It’s like a Latin American city more than a US one in many ways, due to the large Latin population. I’m finding it difficult to find a job, because many jobs here require bilingual English/Spanish speakers. I’d met a few of his friends before moving, but I don’t have any friends of my own just yet. Still, I’m very happy to be here, we are getting along wonderfully, and I’m very glad that we’re getting this time together before getting married.

I don’t think I would have moved to Miami if there weren’t a wedding in the works. Miami is a great city, but it’s not one where I would have chosen to live on my own.

I’m going to be moving to Georgia, from NB, Canada.

We’ve gotten married (sorta)

It will be wonderful. I’m sure. :slight_smile:

I’m hoping GingerOftheNorth wanders in here, too. :slight_smile:

I met a nice girl on IRC in 1996. We chatted for about eight months. In the summer of 1997, I decided to take a Greyhound the 1200 miles to go meet her.

We really hit it off, and a weeklong visit turned into a month.

I rode the bus back home (choking back tears most of the way) and took a temp job packing frozen fish to raise some money. A little over a month later, I moved to Louisiana for good. It took me another month of searching in Louisiana to find a crummy job washing dishes for minimum wage.

Eventually things got better. I found an office job (where I’m still employed today) making a fairly decent wage for someone in one of the poorest states in the country and only a high school diploma.

We got married in December 1998. We’re still happily together.

Culture shock? Hell yes! Moving from a small Pennsylvania town near Harrisburg to the heart of Cajun country was a shock to the system. Even on my first trip down, I saw billboards for products I’d never even heard of (“What the hell is roux, and how do you pronounce it*?!”).

*Roux is flour fried in oil and used as a base for gumbo or stew. It’s pronounced “roo,” as in kangaroo.

Not yet. Maybe it’ll be me moving, maybe it’ll be her. All I know that I wish it happened tomorrow, whichever side of the Atlantic we end up on. :slight_smile:

Didn’t meet online, but in a third country (with us being from two other countries), skip this message if that doesn’t count.

We met at a conference, and after few short days realised this was more than just a flirt (cue 80’s music). At the end of 4 days we flew back to our respective countries not knowing what would happen and promising to write. This was when none of us had internet, so we are talking about the mixed blessings of snail mail.
The first letter was an attempt at “Hi, I am your new penpal, didn’t we have a swell old time.” but broke down into some sort of psycho-stalker “What in gods name am I going to do now that we have parted, what in the hell has happened to me”. Luckily that was the exact same tone as her letter took. Mine was written on the plane on the way home, hers in the airport bar.

Then came the phone calls, the month of long distance phone calls, followed by a week long visit. The nervousness abated within a half an hour and we spent the first 6 months of our relationship stealing time where we could and running up insane phone bills. At that point we moved in, her coming to my country first as I was but a little-one and still lived with mom! The step of moving directly from moms to another country would have been a bit big. After a year though we felt ready to move to Sweden, and did so. I agree that long distance is a make or break, and for us it has worked fantastically. We have worked and worked every step of the way for our relationship, and that makes day to day problems feel small in comparison. 7 years and counting :slight_smile:

I will stop now, or I will go off on the glurgiest spiel about how fantastic my relationship is, how every day is a joy and how it feels like we have barely met, but once I start I can’t be stopped…

met my partner online in beginning of 96 - spent almost 3 years talking to him for over 8 hours everyday. in Nov 98 he flew out to NZ from the UK, for a month long holiday…

at this stage we hadnt talked to each other on the phone, but we were completely sure that him being here forever was that we both wanted. so sure infact that he transfered all his savings into my NZ bank account so i could rent us a nice new apartment for him to come to.

after that wonderful month, he returned to the UK to sort out his returning visa/his divorce/general stuff and returned in feb 1999. since that day we havent spent more than two weeks apart in the whole 4 years.

Am moving from New York to Texas next summer to be with Gunslinger, whom I will have known at that point for 2 and a half years. I’ve visited him before but I’m moving for good. I’m a little nervous about it but on the whole I think it will be a good thing. I don’t know anybody else in the area except for him and his family, though.

I had considered moving to Texas long before I ever knew him, but that was when I was in high school and I would never have considered Longview - I hadn’t even heard of it before I met him.

Longview and surrounding area is actually a lot like my home in New York in a lot of ways, which makes the differences that much more shocking to me. Both are somewhere in a grey area between suburban and rural, so it’s not really THAT much different than I’m used to (a lot of people in the South assume I’m from New York City and suffering from intense culture shock, which isn’t true). Longview has a bigger commercial district, just because it’s a bigger city, but that commercial district is sprawled out flat. Buildings are shorter in Longview and in the South in general, as far as I can tell, and the land itself is flat and cut through with “creeks” that look more like small puddles of moss. Since I’m used to multiple mountains, plentiful rivers and buildings built cramped-together with no side yards, but 2 or 3 stories (Dutch-influenced architecture in my hometown), things are just as different on the surface as they are alike.

I love what I’ve seen of the area in my visits. I look forward to living there.

And of course I look forward to being near him!

My girlfriend moved from Minnesota to Denver to be with me. We only met for a few days before she moved her. Seven years later, it’s still working out. :slight_smile:

Sorry, forgot to mention that, in keeping with the theme of the thread, we met online. On a BBS in the Netherlands of all places. Coldfire do you know BBS Olohof? Just thought I’d ask…

Coldy, having recently married a Yerpian, I have a few suggestions, immigration-wise, should that come to pass.

Email me if you’re interested. My suggestions will save you endless time and grief. :slight_smile:

Ask me again in a year or so.

I met Airman Doors here, and recently moved up to PA. With his Guard responsibilities, his moving to Texas wasn’t an option. I think this will work out, based on the fact that we spent 4 days in a small car with a baby and we’re all still alive!


My friend met his wife online - she was about 3.5 hrs away. not that far but a trip through NYC was part of the route so that added another virtual hour for the streee of driving through.

THey’re happy.

Coldie: As much as I enjoy your company, and that of your intended (we’re talking about the same person, right? :wink: ), I’d say she should move to Yurp. (But then, you know how much I want to move out of this area! :wink: )

Ask me (or him?) again in a year or so. smirk