What have I gotten myself into?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay, so I have a very good internet friend from California. I live in Minnesota. I’ve known him for over two years.

Lately, I’ve been sorta kinda developing feelings for said internet friend. Me, the one who always used to say I’d NEVER fall for a guy I met on the internet. Also, I have no idea if he feels anywhere near the same.

Lately, my friend has been bitching and moaning about not liking where he lives, all his friends suck, his job sucks, etc. Moments ago I offered to help him find a job in Minnesota if he’d like to move here. He agreed.

Maybe I’m a pessimist, but nothing good can come of this little venture of mine…what was I thinking?

The thought of him moving here is both exhilerating and really terrifying.

2

Just so long as you don’t let him move in with you.

3

Of course not…I’ve never even met this man, and while I have feelings for his online persona, I really don’t know if he’s the same in person. I am definitely nowhere near ready to have him living with me.

4

I’ve just heard too many stories about people doing silly things like that. No offense intended.

Even if nothing comes of it romantically, you would at least have a new IRL friend!

5

Mishell, I don’t know you. So feel free to ignore my opinion, which is to follow.

It sounds as though you and this man have established a friendship, and a relationship based on similar interests, or values, or background, or whatever.

In my admittedly uninformed opinion, LOTS of good can come from him moving to your area.

You will meet face to face, and interact IRL, and either you will realize that you really just wanted him for a close friend, or you will be attracted to him and will find out if he feels the same. Either way, you will be able to deal with whatever is going on, and move on from there.

Yes, you will have to move into an area that you have not previously had to seriously consider. But if it turns out that you, and he, just want to be good friends, where is the harm? You will now have one of your closest friends HERE, instead of half-way across the country. That would be a GOOD thing.

If you find that you are attracted to him BEYOND being a friend, at least you will be able to judge how HE feels. Online, you might take a really long time to find out whether or not a romantic relationship is viable.

If you are romantically attracted to HIM, and he does not feel the same way, then at least you will know that you have to let that part of your friendship go. Think how much time you might have wasted on wondering, otherwise? Time that would have been better spent focusing on finding someone who feels the same way about YOU, that you feel about them.

It sounds to me as though this is a GOOD thing.

Of course, I also heartily endorse Geobabe’s advice not to let him move in with you. That would be a bad move.

Best of luck, honey!

Scotti

6

Scotticher said it all!

I have to add that I know two couples who met online. In each case, one person moved across the country to be with the other. Both have been together for over a year and are very happy. I also know people who’ve gotten involved romantically online and have discovered that the other person was not what they thought.

At some point, you deal with “internet people” the same way you do with someone you’ve met in any other way. I personally have made a lot of really good friends online. One of them moved to our area and stayed with me and my family until she got settled in her job and found an apartment. That worked out beautifully, and your friend’s move can too. I’ll join the chorus that says you shouldn’t have your friend move in WITH you, though. If a romance is going to develop, it will develop, and it’s good to leave yourself some room.

Oddly enough, my friend moved FROM Minnesota. Hmm.

7

I’m surprised Democritus or Psycat haven’t spoke up in this thread yet. She moved from New Jersey to live with him in California, after having met him on the Internet (although I think they met IRL several times before she made the move across the country). From all accounts, they are blissfully happy.

But I gotta agree with the rest of the Dopers in this thread…don’t let the guy move in with you. Help him with his job/apartment search, be a friend to him, but try to take things slowly. Get to know him IRL first before taking the plunge.