I am kind of a shy guy. I am moving to a town where I know about 10 people, and they are all “friends of a friend” (who I don’t necessarily want to be tied to…). In this situation, how would you go about meeting new friends? I am not really into the church scene, I’ve tried the bar route, but I’m a bit too shy. Once I get to know people, they seem to like me, but It’s hard to approach them. How do I meet people?
[Standard mods move this where appropriate tag (BTW, it might behoove the administration to have a forum marked as where to go for personal advice…)]
The trick is to traverse your network of friends. Get to know those 10-or-so “friends of a friend”. Develop those friendships until they’re actual friends, independent of your original friend. Each of those people will have a group of friends of their own. Cultivate a friendship with those people and get to know their friends. Continue in this manner. Eventually, you will be friends with everybody in the entire world!
The hard part is finding an initial “seed” friend, but you’ve already taken care of that step.
Talk to everybody (and I mean everybody)! It just opens you up to being receptive to people, is great practice for when you meet genuinely intersting people, and really gives you energy. You have to give what you want to get, and if you want friendship and human contact, it’s a good idea to put it out there.
Well, I normally dont tend to make friends easily, but there are a few people I work with that I have gotten to be friends with. One person is actually a world of warcraft player, which gives us a point of interest separate from the other people [even though we dont play on the same server.] Another is a guy who is learning to cook so he can make dinners for his wife, so I give him recipes and information to help him out. A third and I just get along well, and love to grocery shop together, and the 4th and I [along with MrAru] just went up to Kittery Maine for a shopping weekend and had an absolute blast. The whole thing started when we decided that we needed to get to know each other outside work so we could work better together, and made an effort to start doing things other than work.
Try hooking up with some co-workers, try taking an adult education class in something, you meet some very nice people - I met some great people in the german classes I had been taking this spring. There are nice people all over the place, you just have to get to know them=)
Some communities have group outings scheduled throughout the year. Discount rate for a bus to dinner and a play; a birdwatching outing; a 3-hour cruise; flower shows; musical outings. That sort of thing. Find something you’re interested in. You can chit-chat on the bus, discuss the event afterwards. It’s a great ice breaker because you have THAT in common with them already.
The better you are, the longer you stay on the table, the more people you meet, who will eventually return as their turn comes up again. You will automatically have something to talk about- the game, and other conversation springs from there.
The better you are, the more people will invite you to play doubles with them as the bar crowds up. People will watch you play, as well. Instant good attention. I have found that ability at pocket billiards can even make up for lack of physical attractiveness.
Of course, until you GET good, you will have to play a lot of games, but then it’s the same situation in reverse- you’re being funneled toward other people and you have an instant conversation starter.
All good advice, but also try just going to your local coffee house and be there at the same time, every day. Same with the local bar (just drink a Coke or whatever) in the early afternoon after work.
After a few days/weeks you start to see the same people and it makes it easier to start up a conversation.
Good luck, and I have always found new friends in new places to be a major part of the adventure. Oh, and have a positive attitude - works every time!
Be nice to your neighbours. When I moved to Miami, I lived in my apartment for about 3 months without knowing a single human being on that building. One day I helped a man wrestling a mattress out of the elevator. Mrs Sapo is the sister of a friend of the son of that man.
You’ll meet a TON of people about your age in an easygoing setting that allows for easy socialization. There’s no better way I can think of to meet new folks quickly.
