BTW after the conversation recounted in the OP, while I was getting some of the food, she said “Thank you!” I couldn’t see her face at the time but her tone could have been genuine, or could have been kind of miffed, I couldn’t quite tell. She then said “Had to do some arm twisting!” and she chuckled.
*Gross generalization follows: *
This strikes me as the kind of person who is sure she always knows what’s best for other people and also knows precisely how much better their lives would be if only they would just do what she tells them, goddammit.
So here’s a related question.
Do you guys not all think it was pretty rude, indeed insulting, when Magiver characterized my udon as “pathetic soylent green microwave food?”
I jumped on him, in part, because of that line. And some others in this thread have commented about my reply to him, and seem to feel I was unduly harsh. So this makes me think maybe I overestimated how insulting that line was.
Was it somehow not a really rude and insulting thing for him to say? I could have ignored it of course, but would you go so far as to say it would positively be wrong for me to think it okay to defend myself a bit on that point?
[QUOTE=Frylock]
I feel like politeness requires that I reply in some way when she addresses me. Maybe that’s not right?
[/QUOTE]
The smile and nod are the polite reply. The smile makes it polite, the nod means that you have heard and acknowledged what she said.
At least she is aware on some level that she went beyond the bounds of etiquette.
Regards,
Shodan
PS - Add me to the list of People Who Look Forward to Hearing What Frylock Has to Say. I haven’t noticed any deterioration in your attitude as expressed in your posts, and I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving.
Thanks Shodan.
I think that maybe by standing there and engaging with her, I was signaling to her, accidentally, that I was willing to be persuaded. You guys may be right when you say things to the effect that after the first or second exchange I should have just gone about my business. This could serve to end any accidental “willing-to-be-persuaded” signals I was sending her. Just smiling and nodding (and maybe saying “thanks!” again or something) while continuing to do what I planned to do–that’s making more sense to me than it did at first. It’s not rude for me to do this, if I’ve clearly signaled my intention and I’m not actively frowning at her…
Of course its rude. But just because someone is rude doesn’t mean you have to let their rudeness get to you. Ignoring it is more effective in the long run because you only dignify it when you address it.
Here’s some hopefully constructive criticism for you. Some of the problems you’ve encountered in this thread and similar ones arise because you don’t let things roll off your back. I understand if this is naturally something that comes hard for you; in a way, it’s hard for me too. But consider detaching a little from the interaction and weighing the value of repeatedly setting the record straight. Your time and energy should mean more than whatever benefit there is in being “right”.
If, for whatever fully valid reason, you cannot bring yourself to speak up and defend your right to eat what you wish, graciously, with humour, or curtly, etc, then let it go. If it’s not worthy of you saying something, (y’know, like the truth, “Go ahead and push, but I’m telling you, I got a craving only this udon is gonna fill!”), then why revisit and dissect it?
I see a lot of this on this board, and always find it confusing. How can anyone get so futzed over some interaction where they were too timid to speak up, in the moment? It’s either, not worthy of commenting upon, and therefore not worthy of getting bothered about, or it’s sufficiently bothersome as to move you to speak to, in the moment. Not sure I understand how it can be both at once.
I’m not sure how futzed you think I am, but the degree of my futzedness can be explained by reference to:
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A hope to learn from the situation, and
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A general bent toward thinking in some detail about abstract questions. (In this case, that question would be “what is rudeness?”)
Sure, like I said, I could have ignored it. But it did aggravate me, and I had the impression that by the relevant rules, I had so to speak a “right” to speak up for myself. In other words, not that it was necessarily the best thing to do, but that I had a right to a -tat for that tit-. In other words, the relevant conventions, I thought, decreed that I couldn’t be faulted for responding.
Hey, what if I think it’s fun repeatedly try to set the record straight? 
In my case, the explanation is, I think very, very slowly.
No, honestly all I was saying is that personally I just don’t enjoy your posts or threads anymore. That’s on me, not you. And I really am not trying to put you down or try to say you need to do better. You have the right to post whatever you want and whatever helps you is great. I encourage you to keep talking about whatever you want here, that’s the beauty of the message board.
I may have been to harsh or impolite with the way I worded things, but I promise that you aren’t doing anything wrong morally or socially, and you aren’t posting things you “shouldn’t” post. It’s just that for me, personally, I find myself feeling sorry for you and not really enjoying your posts anymore. But that’s on me, not you, good sir!
And I do realize you prefaced your request with “explain please” but that phrasing is itself a bit bullish. It seems short tempered to me. Not outright rude mind you… but just the phrasing rubbed me the wrong way.
Btw, Magiver’s post about your soylent food was way out of line and I generally think you are responding positively and introspectively from the feedback. You obviously are listening to everyone, even those you disagree with, and that’s very respectable.
I like you Frylock, and I just want you to be happy and healthy. I’ll keep reading your threads and be more supportive because I think I understand better now more about you.
Frylock, if you’re looking for validation then the internet is the place to go. Someone will validate your feelings. But your title says you’ve had problems with awkward situations like this before. And your statement about rage indicates you’re unhappy. The situation you described was a pretty minor event yet it’s bothered you enough to start a thread on it.
If you want validation you got it. If you want to improve your social skills then there were plenty of responses you could template for future use. It’s always been a learned skill. If you’re not sure what to in the future you can’t go wrong by taking the gracious high road. If you can figure out how to let this minor stuff go you’ll be happier for it.
And you clearly have an issue with me so I’ll add this isn’t a function of one of us being right. Everybody has had a situation where they would benefit from learning from past interactions. I’ve been roped into dancing when I didn’t want to and it was probably because I had a hangdog look on my face the person thought I needed a little TLC. Don’t know. Maybe she needed a little TLC. I do know I was over it before the song finished.
Drewtwo, thank you for that last post. I feel grateful for it. I understand you better now, and I think I jumped on you a bit and I’m sorry for that.
-KR
Soylent green was meant as a joke. It was the new food source that kept people from starving but you didn’t want to know the ingredients in. Ya know, like hot Spam in WW-II. Sorry if it was taken any other way.
Yeah, that whole, “work is stressful, my noodles take me to another space and time…” thing is a tad dramatic. I would have just said, “No, I’m really in the mood for noodles. Thanks though.”
ThelmaLou and Shodan have given you the best advice. Once you have responded to someone’s offer of food, you are under no obligation to stay engaged with them. This has happened to me a few times. You smile and say “thank you.” After the next urging, you smile and say “thank you.” After the next urging you just smile and say nothing. Continue to smile and say nothing.
By the way, peeps, being an introvert does not mean you’re socially inept. I am an introvert who very much enjoys social interactions and lively, convivial discourse. For an hour or two. Then I need some alone time. I have met plenty of extroverts who are socially inept. Like the woman who will not take “no thank you” for an answer at the office pot luck.