thank you, meek.
your OP has made sure that i’ve ruined my eye makeup for the day. 
i think i hurt myself trying to keep the laughter under control.
(yes, i’m at work, dammit!)
Correction: nothing good can come of this for meek. For the rest of us, penis is definitely going to ensue.
Here’s what has happened since then.
I called the store and they still have them - LOTS of them. I guess they didn’t sell very well on V-Day because of the evil-looking thing or something. Now at least the back-up plan is in place.
I e-mailed her at work with Option one.
"Hi Hun ,
Wanna play “Deal or No Deal?”
If you tell me what you did with Mr. Happy, I promise to never ever try to scare you again in the future.
So… Deal or No Deal?"
The reply was swift and written in the title box, “No Deal.”
I was forced to up the ante. I sent her option two.
"Ok then, here’s a deal for you…
Unless you tell me right now what happen to Mr. Happy, I will take the pet shears and shave your fluffy princess!
And I’ll post the whole thing on YouTube for you to watch. Do I need to send you a pic of a hair clipping to show that I am serious?
So - What’s it going to be - Deal or No Deal?"
I reluctantly hit the send button. No way this was gonna work.
The response took a bit longer. Then she sent me this link.
I expected that, but with some profanity.
She called my bluff so I’m already to go with Option three. I fire back,
“Hunny Baby Sweetie- Let’s not be rash, I tell you what, if you tell me what you did with him, I’ll buy you a nice dinner. Mmmmmkay? So Deal or No Deal?”
It took forever for her to reply, but finally, “No Deal” was in the title but, “we’ll talk later” was added in the body of the email.
Soooo here we are.
I find the metallic corpse or I buy two (or more) new live Mr. Happys.
I will wait until we talk later before opting for the backup plan. She’ll be expecting a balloon at the front door today. She’s suspicious that way.
.
You are so dead.
Five minutes after my submitting last post, she emails me back:
Deal or No Deal.
- You promise to never try to scare me again.
- You promise to never buy me anything like that again. (Or anything that looks like a clown) I hate that too.
- You take me to a nice dinner. (Not some fast food place either.)
- You don’t shave the cat.
You do these four things and I’ll tell you what happened.
So - Deal or No Deal?
Now I'm sensing weakness. I'm thinking of sending her back [this](http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/09_02/2PussInHoodR_468x551.jpg) picture.
If that's not enough I'm thinking of telling her I'm going out to buy some of [these](http://www.arizonaballoon.com/images/Clown2.jpg).
But I think I am safer taking the deal.Whether you take the deal, or not, I have to say she rocks!
You are? I think your spidey-sense may need some fine-tuning.
She has you looking around the house frantically, begging via e-mail, calling for alternate plans. . . all on your day off!
She is the undisputed master champion of the game. The best judgment you’ve shown so far is that you married her.
Are you friends with any of her co-workers? Can you get them to leave a clone of Mr Happy at her desk before she gets in or during one of her breaks?
'Cause that’s what I’d do.
TAKE THE DEAL!!!
Yes. She’s the best.
That’s why I sent her those photos above, and demanded that she lower her 4th condition to include “trimming” of the cat, rather than a complete shave.
Sean Factotum, Yes I do know someone she works with and can have a Mr. Happy clone smuggled in to her office storage cabinet. If I wanted to make a few phone calls… But I think I may want to see her naked again in the future.
That can be “Plan C”. (I may even like it better than the backup plan.)
But I really need to know what happened.
I am still waiting for her to respond to my “trimming” clause on condition 4.
.
Her 6 word reply was, “You touch the cat, you’re dead.”
So - I send her my final offer.
Deal or No Deal.
- You tell me what happened and what you did with Mr. Happy.
- I promise not to scare you or buy you anything like that in the future. (or buy anything clownish)
- I’ll buy you dinner at Earl’s, not at some swanky overpriced hotel, but just not tonight.
- I’ll make you dinner tonight, your favorite Chicken Swiss.
- I will not go near any cat with any trimming devices unless you are in the room.
So Sweetness - Deal or No Deal?
You so totally don’t deserve this woman.
I don’t know. Depending on the outcome, meek may totally deserve her.
Go Lady meek!!
Wait, how well did you search the bathroom? She must have stuffed him in a cabinet (most likely deflated) while she was showering, and then she may or may not have transferred him to the bedroom while dressing. He probably made it into her purse/bag then as well. The real question isn’t “What happened to Mr. Happy,” but, “How the hell weren’t you scared of teh evil [sup]TM[/sup] when you took a shower?”
What you really need is to borrow a friend’s shaved cat (because everyone has a friend with one of those) and have it running around the house when she gets home. Then just before she kills you you can release Ms. Fluffy Plush Princess from hiding. She’ll be so relieved that she’ll never want to fight with you again, and you can find out the whole story and then apologize and have some great makeup sex.
Come on. You know you can’t go wrong with makeup sex!
It sounds to me like they completely deserve each other. 
Ooooooo, did you check the toilet tank???
All this time…
All this time…
Here’s what happened.
I go out and get a paper. She hears the door close as I leave and she gets up. Her plan was to shower and meet me downstairs for breakfast when I got back inside.
She heads to the shower, pulls back the curtain and is - (her words) “TOTALLY FREAKED OUT” by Mr. Happy jumping out at her. She grabs Mr. Happy and stomps him flat. She then heads ten steps to the office room, folds up Mr. Happy and puts him between two sheets of printer paper, and stuffs him down the paper shredder like a scene from the Movie “Fargo.” This paper shredder is sitting right here on the office floor, not 3 feet away from my feet as I type this sentence.
She then decided to go back to sleep and plot her revenge, and my demise. When she found out I was looking for Mr. Happy, she played it cool and suckered me in. Damn, I love this woman.
All this time… all that searching and it was right here in front of me.
::shudder:: The paper shredder. Damn, that’s just cold.
Even if I checked the shredder hopper I don’t even know if I could have identified Mr. Happy or not. It looked like christmas tinsel that went through a lawn mower mixed in with paper shreds.
She did that to him and calmly went back to bed.
I may have trouble sleeping after all.
.
If you ever catch your wife pricing wood chippers, be afraid. Be very afraid.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I once thought it would be a good idea to scare my skittish-about-showers, doesn’t-like-horror-movies gf while she was taking a shower because she had the hiccups. Yeah, that went over well.
but you don’t have the hiccups anymore, right hon?
Actually, considering her record, if he catches her pricing them, it’s obviously something she’d deliberately let slip. So, he’s still pretty safe.
It’s when he misses her pricing wood chippers he should start to worry.