Mr. fucking inept store manager calls me, mr. tech support for the store, with a problem. AMEX cards aren’t processing. Calls me back repeatedly, keeping me off the phone for a good fucking twenty minutes. Tells me “here, you talk to her”, and hands the FUCKING PHONE TO THE FUCKING IRATE CUSTOMER.
I’m the only one here on Saturday. I only handle technical issues, like rebooting servers and whacking the credit card processors upside the head. I do not cheer up pissy customers. If I am tied up listening to a customer drone and complain, then I cannot do my job. I do not do customer support - it is the job of the FUCKING STORE MANAGER to calm down irate customers.
I do not hang up on irate customers (though I am within my rights to) - I spent three years talking them down inside the store, and I still feel that, when presented with someone who can give you money but is in a pissy mood, you don’t do anything to piss them off even more.
I do hang up on FUCKING PISSY STORE MANAGERS who have no problem with abdicating their responsibilities by putting an IRATE CUSTOMER ON THE PHONE WITH HIS OWN FUCKING TECHNICAL SUPPORT.
I hang up on them, then I repeatedly slam the phone receiver into the base for about a minute.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKKETY FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Look here, dipshit. You dug this hole for yourself, you get yourself out of it. You didn’t offer to take a manual imprint of her card, you didn’t talk to AMEX yourself for an authorization, you didn’t placate her with a rain check or a gift card totalling her purchase even though you are well within your rights to do so. No, you dog-fellating piece of picked-over trash, you work her up into a self-righteous consumer frenzy (the subject of a later pitting, perhaps)… THEN YOU CALL ME AND HAND THE PHONE TO HER! What the bloody fucking hell went through your measly echo cavern you call a brain? Did you think that I would ring up the sale for her? That I would magically make the system stop declining the card? That I would fetch you more iced tea and commence with the obligatory tech-support-on-store-manager rimjob?
Oh hey, you called up to apologize? And it’s all the customer’s fault? And it never occurred to you to proactively defuse the situation? Then you finished the call with a casually-spoken “sorry, see ya, goodbbye”?
Fuck you.
Fuck you sideways with a PCB-infused battleship, while it’s getting cut up into razorblades.