I don’t know if someone’s thought of this before (a search on MtG related threads here brought up nothing similar), but the other day I had kind of a neat idea for a little boards-based game for those of you out there who, like me, are hopelessly ensnared Magic geeks.
You know how MtG cards always have names that are so nattily appropriate to what the card does in-game? How about this:
Someone finds what would be a cool-sounding/funny/whatever name for a Magic card. Someone else then goes on to make up what that card would do, based on its name (you can even throw in some flavor text if you’re feeling really creative). Technical details such as mana cost, color and card type are optional, depending on how much you want to flesh out your card.
Here’s an example:
Magic Geek 1 throws out the name Epitaph.
Magic Geek 2 comes up with
Epitaph (Sorcery): Until end of turn, you may use the abilities of all creature cards in your graveyard as if the creatures were in play.
“Words on stones, rattling bones,
ancient rage, earthen groans.”
-Bezrak the Seer
And so on, and so forth.
I have no idea if there are enough Magic players here to sustain this thread, but what the heck, it’s worth a shot. I’ll throw out a few names to get the ball rolling:
Bejewelled Dandy (Summon Nancy-Boy) 0/1
All creatures capable of blocking Bejewelled Dandy must do so.
*
“Shiny…” Skvic, goblin raider
“Crunchy…” Kal, Shivan dragon
“Juicy…” Sengir of the marshes
“What are you doing? Block the dwarves, damn you, the dwarves!” Last words of Ard, planeswalker
*
Nutshell
1G
Instant
Target Squirrel gets +4/+8 and has “~this~ may block any number of creatures this turn.” Some animals puff up to look bigger. Some don’t.
Goblin Taxidermist
(Summon Goblin) 1/1
3, T: Remove a creature in your graveyard from the game to put a Twisted Mount token into play. For every Twisted Mount token in play, opponent’s creatures get -1/-1.
And as they came upon the twisted artificer’s hall they fell away in terror, brought face to face with the abominations of the mountain.
Fish in a Barrell 5UG
Instant
Creatures may not block this turn. All damage creatures you control deal this turn can be dealt to any number of creatures opponents control.
Threshold—Destroy any creature damaged this way. It can’t be regenerated. “The best offense is having no defense to contend with”
–Grodin, Elven Elder
as for cloudchaser, it’s uncannily close to Cloudchaser Eagle, a 2/2 flying white bird that destorys target enchantment when it comes into play BUT, in the spirit of things:
Cloudchaser 3W
Creature-Bird Soldier
2/2
Flying
(tap): Cloudchaser deals two damage to target attacking or blocking creature with flying.
Crab Hammer 4R
Sorcery
Crab Hammer deals one damage each to up to five target creatures. Even little guys deserve to die
Cheese Slicer 7 Colorless
Artifact Creature
6/6
Tap; remove target Enchantment from the game.
If there are more than three cheeses in play, put three 1/1 counters on Cheese Slicer ‘Is that Gouda I smell?!’
Pointed Stick
Instant 0
Deal 1 damage to target player. Ouch! Wall of Crackers
Summon Wall W
When Wall of Crackers comes into play, put 8 +0/+1 counters on Wall of Crackers. At any time, any player may tap a creature to remove a counter from Wall of Crackers. “All right, men, the bad news is we’re going to be here for quite a while. The good news is, I have cheese.”
-General Jarkeld, The Arctic Fox
How about: Dwarven Flamebrew
Glass Pavillion
Elvish Seductress
War And Peace
War and Peace (ooh! Split card!) War
3RR
Sorcery
All creatures gain “Tap: ~this~ deals damage equal to it’s power to target creature.”
Peace
Tap all creatures and place a tranquility counter on them. During each player’s upkeep, he or she may remove one tranquility counter from a creature he or she controls.
As for my contribution, I’ll go with Orcish Midwife.
T: Put a lust counter on target creature. Creatures with lust counters tap, deal damage equal to their power during their controller’s upkeep, and cannot be untapped.
Pass me another elf, Sergeant. This one’s split.
Ashnak, orc general
Grunts, Mary Gentle
*
Orcish Midwife
2 Red, 3 Colorless
2 red & Tap ~this~. Tap target Orc and create an Orc counter with #/# where # is the targets Power-1 and Toughness - 1. Push! Push!
(better flavor text needed)
Glass Pavilion
Land
2, Tap: Put glass counter on target creature. If target creature is attacked, remove counter. Remove target’s target from the game.
Tap: Add one colorless mana to your mana pool. “I can see right through it!”
-Last words of Rein Silverfiend
Biohazard
GB
Enchant Creature
Put a radiation counter on enchant creature during upkeep.
If enchant creature has three radiation counters, remove enchant creature from the game.
Target creature gets -2/-2 “Why is he glowing?”
How about:
** Unmistakeable boil
Big Greasy Spatula
Gonads and Strife
Beaver of Gluttony**
If Beaver of Gluttony kills a creature and survives, controlling player may spend 1 blue and 1 red to place a +1/+1 counter on Beaver.
If Beaver does not kill a creature during controlling player’s turn, that player takes 1 damage at the end of the turn.
“Although quite large, the Beaver of Gluttony is nonetheless capable of swimming undetected through water of sufficient depth. However, its loud belching will often reveal its presence.”
Sage Aurelius
Dwarven Flamebrew
1 red, 2 colorless
Artifact
+1 red, +1 colorless: Add a +2/0 Flamebrew counter to target creature for the turn. Tap creature at the end of the turn if not already tapped. Once tapped, creature’s Flamebrew counters become 0/-1 Hangover counters. Creature may not untap untill all Hangover counters are removed. A player may remove 1 Hangover counter from each controlled creature during upkeep phase.
+1 colorless: Remove 1 Hangover counter from target creature.
“Shtop shpinning about or I shall shmite you!”
Red Belthus, dwarven warrior
Ok, here are my suggestions:
Might of Fallen Stars
Dragon’s Scale
Bitter Herbs
Plate of Cookies
Curse of Feathers
Cacophonous Contraption
Gonads and Strife
BBBX
Sorcery
X target creatures get -1/-1 testicle counters. Each testicle counter deals 1 damage to its controller during the controllers upkeep. “Don’t hit me THERE!”
–Perenium, Elvish Warrior
generated by the site above: Centaur to Plowshares Hell-Bent Song Nether Mindsucker Magma Blacksmith Pet Coat Brain Caravan Goblin Allergy Village Hatchling Egg to Plowshares Scent of Behemoth Embrace Allergy Eater of the Overlord
Dragon’s Scale
BBB
Enchant Creature
Target Creature receives no damage from all non-Dragon creatures. Target creature receives double damage from all Dragons. Target creature must defend against Dragon attackers if able to do so. Dragon scales are praised as nearly perfect shields by the dragon hunters that sell them.
