Music for Vulcans

Cafe Society
1

Salutations. Are you a Vulcan? Are you living in Human territories? Are you unable to enjoy or even annoyed by the Human music and the lack of logic shown on the lyrics?

Well, we have good news for you: For just 14’95 Federation Credits, you can buy now** Music for Vulcans**. Music for Vulcans re-interprets some classic Human tunes for every logical being’s better understanding.

Songs like:

Huey Lewis and the News - The Power of Human Pon Farr.

The Beatles - A Female Named Lucy is Apparently in Some Sort of Flying Device While Carrying Allotropes of Carbon.

And:

Carpenters - In Spatial Proximity to You

Why does my relative awareness of aviar fauna increases
Every time that you approach my personal space…

**
Buy now! Only 14’95 Federation Credits!**

2

From the Vulcan Pick Up Lines thread.

3

I dunno, I think Vulcans would dig Bach.

4

Supertramp: “The Logical Song”

5

Aerosmith: Sweet Lack of Emotion

6

FM: Phasors on Stun.

7

i think spock’s head would explode if he ever heard “my humps” over the airwaves.

8

Please understand I would usually not inflict this on my worst enemies…but I have the flu, and we’re having yet another Snowmageddon! in my part of the world, so you should suffer, too…
This is NOT the way anyone should ever do “Proud Mary”

9

Vulcans love musical Hobbits.

10

Surely “Heart and Soul” by T’Pau will make the cut!

11

I think there has to be a mention of Star Pilot on Channel K.

12

And if they want to get their freak on without the hassle of pon farr, there’s always some Bork Sex.

13

Starfleet by Brian May and Eddie Van Halen

14

Queen: Crazy Little Thing Called Pon Farr

15

You must be from near where I am. We usually don’t get this much snow.

Anyways, here’s the type of song Spock really likes. Who says Spock/Uhura was only in the new movie? Hah!

16

Since music is largely about invoking emotions and pleasure, why would Vulcans give a rat’s ass about art and music? Illogical. They serve no constructive non-emotional purpose.

17

I always wondered about that myself.

Back around 1988 or so, Spy magazine used to run a feature called “Name That Tune, Mr. Spock,” with entries along the lines of “As This Gathering Is Conducted Under My Auspices, I Shall Be Lachrymose If So Inclined.” (That one didn’t fit the character either, now did it…?)