Star Trek and Enterprise songs by Dopers (since neithe Viva nor Kn*ckers is doing it)

Well, since no one’s doing it yet…

Here’s a thread for finding and posting all the Star Trek songs that we’ve made up over the past few months.

I’ll start with a couple. You all can find and post more. Or make up new ones.

From NoClueBoy

*Knew a girl (ah!)

named Goo

You know she knew just what to do

said I knew a girl-irl-irl

Named Goo

She knew just what to do

Tutti Fruitti

A rutti

A wop bob a loo wap a wop bam BOOM!*
Thank you, Little Archer. Ladies and Gentlemen, Little Archer

Ed Sullivan: "Klingons and Tellurites…

The Regulan Blood Worms!"


's Enterprise was such a famous ship

Now it’s filled with Trip

Ooh I belong to yesterday’s

I know, something’s wrong

Why T’Pol? (She wouldn’t say)

Seems like

no one writes

a show that flows like Yesterday’s





Captain Kirk was taken far away

A cloned Picard has turned out to be gay

Now I posting songs for Yesterday’s




In the meantime, allow me to entertain you with some nose flute adaptations of my favorite battle scenes from previous Star Treks:
flur flur fee fi flur figgle fee flue [sniff] flow flur flee fli fifuu gungle gorn [sniff] flee [coda] flee frueeree fee fi [sniff]

see my homepage for my mp3’s!

All the above was from the thread “Vanishing Point.”

from Tars Tarkas in “Cease Fire” thread:

Irish band?
“Top o’ the morning to ya! Today we will sing the Song O’ Spock!”

*Oh, idy idy idy idy idy idy ho, oh idy idy idy idy idy idy idy ho!
There once was a vulcan named Spock…
and he never wore a smock…
he drank lots o’ Guiness
and could really throw a rock!

Oh, idy idy idy idy idy idy ho, oh idy idy idy idy idy idy idy ho!
That rock was the Blarney stone
And it wasn’t a giant skone
through it he went back in time,
And helped kill a Collins named Joan!

Oh, idy idy idy idy idy idy ho, oh idy idy idy idy idy idy idy ho!
Oh, his crazy Vulcan blood is green
and so is something else (if you know what i mean)
And the…what the??? give me my beer, you drink theifing Panda! I’ll sick my Leprecaun on you, they’ll be no pot o’ gold at the end of your rainbow, just a world of pain! Get back here!!!*
Announcer: Uhh, that was Infusion O’ Trek, everybody.

:dubious: Do, please, continue.

Okay, I’m home…but not for long. Hey, that’s cool so far but where is Aesiron’s “Sisko as Shaft” ditty? I’ll go look…

Found it!
Who’s the black Starfleet Cap’
That helped redraw the UFP’s map?
Ya damn right!

Who is the man that would risk his neck
For his brother man?
Can you dig it?

Who’s the cat that won’t cop out
When there’s danger all about?
Right On!

They say this cat Sisko is a bad mother
I’m talkin’ 'bout Sisko.

He’s a complicated man
But no one understands him but his woman
Ben Sisko!

—Lyrics courtesy of Aesiron

In honor of Kn*ckers’ comment:

Well, go start a Song’s O’Trek thread, then, viva - I’d do it myself, but… well, I’m feeling kinda apathetic, right now.

Song for Kn*ckers:

I’m apathetic
And I don’t care!
And, uh, um…
I don’t feel like singing anymore.

(Not exactly a Trek song, but a bonus of sorts.)

This one was just contributed by our Kn*ckers in another thread:

To the tune of “Earth Angel”:

Goo angel, goo angel, the one I adore,
I love goo forever, and ever more.
I’m just a fool - a fool in love, with goo…

Goo angel, goo angel, please be mine.
I’ll love goo forever, I’ll love goo for all time.
I’m just a fool a fool in love with goo!

And just to 'jack the thread a bit…

Here is something Enterprise-ingly cute yet pitiful:

We are pathetically geeky, even for Trekkies. You know that, right?

Despite that, I’m working on a ballad for Jadzia as I speak! :smiley:

Sung to the tune of “Last Kiss”

Oh where oh where can Jadzia be
Dukat took her away from me
She’s gone to Sto’vo’kohr so I got to be good
So I can see my par’machkai when I leave this world

I was going to do the whole song but I’m not a very good lyricist.


Hard to find Doper songs made in ENT threads. Our conversations seem to longer and more wildly off center now than they were just a few months back, so maybe I’m just searching in vain.

Someone make sure Kn*ckers sees tis thread, maybe she can remember some others that I missed.

My eyes hurt now.

Any one with remembered songs or with a new one, join in.

I once heard a brilliant TNG filk to “Little Pink Houses.” It was great.

“Decon Too” (to the tune of Blur’s “Song 2”)
(This is lame.)

I got my back rubbed
Yeah, got myself scrubbed
It was greasy, like it always is, yeah

When I feel the gel go on
And I’m just a glistening one
Well, I sit there and take it
Every time but I never, ever
want to end it
Please don’t end it

I had my first one
When I was young
It’s not a problem
It’s not a problem

When I feel the gel go on
And I’m just a glistening one
Well, I sit there and take it
Every time but I never, ever
want to end it
Please don’t end it

I like that last line of your siggy, Vivvie.

I’m working on an Aqualung Trek song as we speak…

Not quite done… I should’ve listen to my Tull album again, just to get the proper verse breaks.

Oh well, here it is.

Sung to Aqualung’s tune (more or less)
Ah, Decon
*Sitting on T’Pol’s chest

Eyeing little Klingons with bad intent

Goo is drying on her lips

Ah, Decon

Trip is talking 'bout the swamp

Watching all the pretty aliens ru-u-un

Ah, Decon
Malcom is a whiney simp

Hoshi mated with a gimp

Archer has a funny limp

Ah, Deco-o-o-on…*
too nasty? will it fly?

I’m in a Doper’s signature. My life now has meaning.

Okay, this really sucks but I wanted to write another song to go along with my fantabolous Sisko theme and my ode to Jadzia so here is “Dukat” sung to the tune of “Jeremy”!

Drawing pictures
of a ruled Bajor
with him on top
pale blue wormhole.
arms raised in a V
dead lay in pools of maroon below.

The Second Order didn’t give attention
to the fact that Dukat didn’t care.
Gul Dukat the wicked ruled his world.

Dukat killed Sisko today
Dukat killed Sisko today

Clearly I remember,
fighting with the Spoonie
seemed a harmless little loonie
but we unleashed a lion
gnashed his teeth,
and killed the Klingon’s wife

How could I forget
He hit me with a surprise left
My jaw left hurtin
Dropped wide open
Just like the day
Like the day I heard

Kira didn’t give affection
And the Spoonie was something
that the Maquis wanted dead
Gul Dukat the wicked
Ruled his world

Try to forget this, try to forget this
Try to erase this, try to erase this
From the prophecies

Sorry if this is bad! It’s my first one. Anyway, I’ll let you guess whose point of view it’s from. :slight_smile:

“We Will Survive”
To the tune of “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor [ original lyrics | MIDI - so you can sing along! ]
Quick note about the MIDI: It sucks, but all the ones online of this song apparently do. The syllables are all off. So don’t listen unless you know the tune well. If you have the song on CD, that’s much better.
At first I was abducted. I was petrified.
And then they stuck this pointy drill bit thing into my eye.
And then I spent so many hours having pieces welded on,
It made me strong. It made my forearm twice as long.

And so I’m back, to outer space.
I just dropped in to blow away my crew, assimilate your race.
You have to change your stupid plans, you should have kept them all from me.
'Cause now we’ll do to each of you what we have done to JLP!

Go on now go, to 359,
Where you will find that, your Federation’s in decline.
Weren’t you the ones who tried to set our ship aglow?
Did you think you’d stop us? Didn’t you know adaption’s our MO?

No, we’ll survive. We will survive.
We will destroy defenses, sieze your people, add you to the hive.
We’ve got a ship that’s big and square. We’ve got nanobots to spare.
And we’ll survive. We will survive. Hey hey!


We travelled kiloparsecs here to enslave your stars.
We will add your biological distinctiveness to ours.
We spent oh so many nights in a high-speed trans-warp tube.
But now we’re here, and you will bow before the cube!

So you see me, in a body new.
I’m not that boring, balding captain who commanded you.
And if you thought you’d rescue me, if you’re expecting me to crack,
Then you should know once you’ve tried cyborgdom, there’s just no going back!

[If you’re bored, stop here. The best part is over.]

Oh now go! Yes we insist!
But it’s all futile, so why bother to resist?
Weren’t you the ones who tried to put up such a fight?
Did you think you’d kill us? Did you even think you might?

We will survive. We will survive.
We will outlast your little plans, no matter how hard you connive.
We’ve got big, defensive fields. We’ve got quick, adaptive shields.
So we’ll survive. We will survive. Oh…

Go on now go, but please we ask,
Quit saying things irrelevant. Please stay on task.
Weren’t you the ones who think free will is your domain?
Do you think we follow? Now accept our Calvinistic reign!

We will survive. We will survive.
We know nothing but collective thoughts and single-minded drive.
We’re bigger than the Enterprise. We’ve got laser-pointer eyes.
We will survive. We will survive. We will survive!

I liked it.

4 stars

Hit me with the digits!

I guess most of these are about Enterprise, so here’s a song more along those lines.

“Captain of the Ship”
To the tune of “Master of the House” from Les Misérables
[ original lyrics | MIDI - this one’s pretty good (from here) ]

Welcome, my friend. My name is Jon.
I have a way of rambling on.
We come from Earth. That is our home.
Now through the stars we aimlessly roam.
Me and all my guys… on the Enterprise
And I’m the one you count on to em-pa-thize.

Captain of the ship. Servant to the cause.
Ready with a handshake or an awk…ward pause.
Watching shows on sports. Stealing from the fridge.
Lollygagging day and night about the bridge.
Glad to meet a strange, new life form. Ugliness is a-okay.
But I never keep my touchiness from getting in the way.

Captain of the ship. Griever of the lost.
Sad to lose a comrade when the trash is tossed.
Checking on my crew. Keeping them in line,
Basically by telling them they’re doing fine.
Everybody loves the captain. Everybody thinks he’s swell.
But don’t take my word. Let’s hear just what the crew has got to tell:

Rest of Bridge Crew:
Captain of the ship. Doesn’t watch the road.
Channeling Sam Beckett every episode.
When he cleans his room, he recoils in fear,
But whenever danger lurks he’s cavalier.
Screwing up with each first contact… making sure the ship is toast…

Alright, that’s enough! You people all get back and man your post!

Well then, my friend. Where are you from?
What may I do that’s terribly dumb?
Is something wrong? I’m being dull?
Your guns are locked right on to our hull.
There’s no need to fight. Here let’s work this out.
Please ignore the orders I will now shout.

Malcolm, ready arms! Hoshi talk 'em down!
Travis set a course and get us out of town!
Analysis, T’Pol! Phlox, give us a quip!
Get the engines ready now for Warp Five, Trip!
When it comes to starting conflicts, trouble is my middle name.
But no matter what I’ll always have the Suliban to blame!

Narrowly escaped. That was close, you know.
Seems as though that happens every other show.
Space is pretty tough. Causes lots of stress.
It’s not easy getting out of this week’s mess.
I just need a break from duties. I think I’ll go write a log.
I’ll be in my quarters, writing in my journal, maybe later playing with my dog!

Rest of Bridge Crew:
Captain of the ship. Daddy’s little boy.
Blowing up the stuff that he should not destroy.
Goofy-looking smile plastered on his face.
Manages to bother everyone in space.
Not so much a brave commander. Tries to be the crew’s best friend.

Anyone want coffee? I’ll go get a pot of Chef’s new blend.

I used to do my missions with great vim,
But god almighty, how did I wind up under him?

Captain of the ship? Reckless SOB!
Friend to every alien? Just two or three.
Charismatic dolt. Master of the stare.
Thinks he’s quite a diplomat, but not all there.
What the IDIC was I thinking, when I signed up for this trip?
How’d I know we’d have a sappy, vapid captain on the ship?

Everyone but T’Pol:
Captain of the ship!

Captain of the screwed!

Everyone but T’Pol:
Crony, buddy, confidant,

And whiney dude!

Everyone but T’Pol:
Cohort when you’re low. Ally when you’re high.

Not the best at making sure the crew don’t die.

Everyone but T’Pol:
Everyone salute the captain! Everybody cheer and skip!

Everybody give a hand…

Only if it’s a command.

Everybody give a hand to the captain of the ship!

Captain calling,
Gotta beam down,
They need some protection,
And I’ve been around.

But I worry about safety,
I don’t wanna be dead,
And I’m highly at risk,
My shirt is red.

I’m going down to a planet,
With Kirk, Scotty and Bones,
And of we four,
Guess who ain’t coming home?

I joined up with Starfleet,
Instead of staying in bed,
And now I’m beaming down,
And my shirt is red.

Sam Stone: Was there an existing melody for yours, or is it all your own and brand new?

Achernar, Aesiron, NCB: Those were friggin’ brilliant and hilarious! Especially that “Master of the House” deal.
What great things we can accomplish when we put our minds to it. :slight_smile: