Except he still lives with his mother, so, you know… 
“At the beginning of Das Rheingold, the orchestra play the chord of E-flat major. For about 10 minutes. There’s not too much I need tell you about this: if you know the chord of E-flat major, you know the prelude to Rheingold.”
Anna Russell
What’s brown and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven’s first movement
How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
101
One to change the light bulb and a hundred to say, “Oh yeah, I can do that.”
Nick Mason told this when Pink Floyd was inducted into the Hall of Fame. It’s on YouTube somewhere if you’d rather hear him tell it himself.
A young boy tells his mother “Mummy, I want to be a drummer when I grow up!” His mother looks at him pityingly and says “Oh son. You can’t do both.”
How can you tell when a tuba’s out of key?
It’s playing.
What is the definition of “an alto”?
A soprano who can sight read.
How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to hold it in the socket and four to drink until the room spins.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, as long as the roadie finds the lightbulb, sets up the ladder, removes the old bulb and holds the new one in the socket for him.
A viola player returned home one evening to find the smoldering ruin of his house surrounded by fire trucks and police cars. Rushing up to the nearest police officer he asked, “What happened?”
The officer replied, “Well, it seems that the conductor came to your house, raped your wife and daughters, murdered everybody, killed your dog, and then set your house on fire before shooting himself.”
The astonished viola player said, “Really?! The conductor came to my house?!”
A teenaged boy persuaded his father to pay for bass guitar lessons. At the first week’s lesson the boy learned to play, “bum-bum-bum-bum-bum.” At the second week’s lesson the boy learned to play, “bum-diddy-bum-bum-diddy-bum”. The third week, however, the bass teacher called his father and reported that the boy hadn’t shown up for his lesson. So the father asked his son, “Why didn’t you go to your lesson?”
The boy replied, “Oh, I had a gig.”
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar.
The bartender says "Sorry, we don’t serve minors. So the E-flat leaves and
the C and G have an open fifth between them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying “Excuse me, I’ll just be a
second”.
Then an A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of
C is not a minor.
The bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims
“Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in here tonight!”
And just for fun, I really got a good laugh out of this Diesel Sweeties comic 
Nope, I’m not a bass player any more either.
Saint Peter is checking in recently departed souls at the pearly gates. One fellow comes up and St. Pete asks “how much money did you make during your last year on Earth?”
“$150,000.”
“And what was your profession?”
“I was an investment banker.”
The next guy comes up. “How much money did you make during your last year on Earth?”
“$200,000.”
“And what was your profession?”
“I was a neurosurgeon.”
Fellow after him comes up. “How much money did you make during your last year on Earth?”
“$7,000.”
“And what instrument do you play?”
What’s the difference between a soprano and a piranha?
The lipstick.
If you threw an alto and a viola off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?
The viola; the alto has to stop on the way and ask directions.
(I’m a mezzo-soprano, I can make fun of both groups equally. Good times. :D)
A different kind of musical joke: to the tune of Dvorak’s Humoresquehttp://youtube.com/watch?v=ScSCILXXLnM
Sing this:
“Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets on the train
While at the station –
Darling, I love you.”
I heard this years ago. It still makes the 7-year-old in me giggle like crazy.
Love, Phil
Why is a drum machine superior to a drummer?
You only have to punch the rhythm into the drum machine once.
what’s the definition of a minor second?
Fretless basses playing in unison
A man who is a very poor speller owns a music store. He’s at work one day when he realizes he needs to go get some office supplies. So he puts a sign on the door saying:
Out Chopin. Bach in a Minuet
Yeah, and he came back early because he forgot his Liszt.
So, a band gets music for a new piece, and it’s in 7/8 time. None of them have ever encountered 7/8 before, and they’re trying to figure out how the rhythm is supposed to go. Finally, the drummer exclaims “I’ve got it! It’s one-two-three-four-five-six-se-ven.”.
Offenbach sooner.
Sure, that’s great for the drummer, but how can you tell when the lead singer’s at your door?
He doesn’t know when to come in and he’s got the wrong key anyway.
In its entirety: Richard Brautigan, “The Scarlatti Tilt”
“It’s very hard to live in a studio apartment in San Jose with a man who’s learning to play the violin.” That’s what she told the police when she handed them the empty revolver.
(from Revenge of the Lawn: Stories 1962-1970)
A guy walks into a shop and says “I need some new strings”.
The assistant says, “Wait, don’t tell me let me guess: for a viola, right?”
Guy says, “Oh yeah, sorry, for a viola. I forgot to say. How did you know?”
Assistant: “Because this is a cheese shop.”